No matter what our circumstances, we can always maintain our ability to give love - to deliberately choose to love people, to be a channel, an instrument, a mirror of greater love, God's love.

Perhaps the most difficult, challenging part of being afflicted - whether that affliction is emotional, physical, or both - isn't maintaining our ability to love others. It is becoming vulnerable enough to allow ourselves to receive love.

Many of us have spent our lives caring for, and giving to, others. We may have prided ourself on our fierce independence and on not needing people, at least not significantly enough to let it show.

Suddenly, we may find ourself helpless as a turtle on its back - needing emotional support, physical presence, someone to hold our hand: maybe needing someone to bathe us, dress us, care for us, or help us go to the bathroom. Even with all our strength, determination, and wisdom, and with God holding our hand, we find ourself needing people, too.

Perhaps that is the hardest, and most important, lesson we have to learn.

A Reason to Live by Melody Beattie

I never before reached out to people but now that I have been forced to, its rejection after rejection and its making me bitter.I guess since I helped so many before now I expected something different! I even once took a harmless street bum home with me because I could not let him die in freezing snow, but everywhere I go for help (including my own family) doors are slammed in my face and all thats happening is making me bitter and cynical?? How do you deal with that??Is it because I am unable to get on my knees while asking??

(((Junie))) I don't think it has anything to do with getting on your knees.
I think it's a matter of giving with a grateful heart...of being thankful for the things we have...of not expecting anything in return.

I understand being bitter (been there, done that) I understand being hurt (that still happens, it's called life ~sigh~)

What has worked for me...is to redefine what is really important in my life.
Not trying to lecture you deargirl but just wanted to share what has worked for me. Granted, it was a very long time coming!

I often thought if i did good i would get good back...and its true...

but its what we define as good that is the question.?

If anything we do is done as an investment awaiting a future return for that good deed... it never gets repaid.

If we do A good deed that is not spontaneous, or it is done to massage one's ego or impress others......it never gets repaid

if you go about life aiming to hurt no one, & being decent and respectful of others...it doesn't always come back to you either.

But when your on the floor...screaming for your maker.. to save you or take you...the books balance up [ someone appears, someone phones or someone talks to you when you need it most, things happen to lighten your load]

how many times has a stranger acknowledged you, just at that time your mind is trying to convince you no one gives a XXXX

how many times does a song get played on the radio just when you need to hear it. [or that it allows for the flood gates to open ,,,and to release those tears, that help heal your soul]

WAITING FOR OTHERS TO RESCUE YOU BACK CAN BE A LONG ARDUOUS PROCESS.

Therefore rescue yourself.........................

continue to be kind, considerate and helpful to others..continue to aim higher in what you do for others.... without thanks or praise....................

AND IF WE ALL DO IT,, THE WORLD WILL BECOME A BETTER PLACE


David

hi Junie


i found a song for you

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Ie78VtBtwBI

the lyrics are as follows

Sometimes the river flows but nothing breathes.
A train arrives but never leaves.
It's a shame.
Oh life like love that walks out of the door.
Of being rich or being poor.
Such a shame.
But it's then, then that faith arrives.
To make you feel at least alive.
And that's why you should keep on aiming high.
Just seek yourself and you will shine

Chorus
You've got to search for the hero inside yourself.
Search for the secrets you hide.
Search for the hero inside yourself.
Until you find the key to your life.


In this life long and hard though it may seem
Live it as you'd live a dream.
Aim so high.
Just keep the flame of truth burning bright.
The missing treasure you must find.
Because you and only you alone.
Can build a bridge across the stream.
Weave your spell in life's rich tapestry.
Your passport to a feel supreme.

Chorus.
You've got to search for the hero inside yourself.
Search for the secrets you hide.
Search for the hero inside yourself.
Until you find the key to your life.



David

Thank you David...a great song! You have been missed around here.

I needed to reread this post, in fact I need to reread many of your posts David. I just finished leaving a message to one of our "family" who has been mia...feels she is too much of a "downer" for us and I replied to her, my old song of people can't help you if....yada, yada, yada or as Bizi would say bla, bla, bla!

"do tell"...where to begin Lara.

I have been self diagnosing for about a year...the possibilities are endless imho...early altz. is one of the scariest ones I have been entertaining...but then I just learned that grief feels so much like fear. And my ANGER is a normal response to an abnormal event. ~sigh~And perhaps I have only been grieving for Michael instead of mourning for him. That perhaps I am one of the ones who is "suspended between a past for which I long and a future for which I hope"

It has been 21 years this coming January since he completed suicide!!! How can I still....still....be stuck, if that's what has happened. And, perhaps I haven't been good about SELF CARE...I haven't set boundaries regarding all things suicide....

And how can I seriously consider having another funeral for Michael just because I have no memory of his first one!!!??? And where can I find one of those pins to wear that says...Underconstruction!

I have much WORK to do...not sure I can do it myself...not sure I want to..

I, Alffe..am one of the reasons why you should not kill yourself. It ruins lives...if you love anyone in your life...DON"T DO IT!!!!

Dear Alffe

I am thinking of you today my friend
and sharing in your pain
I know it seems as though your life
will never be the same
I've taken the same journey before
It's a road I know too well
But someone it seemed was always there
to catch me when I fell
There were the times He carried me
when my legs were much too weak
And the times He held me close to Him
when my lips refused to speak
There were the times He was my eyes
when mine were full of tears
And all the times He comforted me
and helped me face my fears
This friend of mine is with you too
He's been there all along
Just reach for Him and take His hand
It's where you now belong

Kymberli Brady
Copywrite 1999, all rights reserved


That hand to hold can be your GOD, or you're INNER RESOLVE

Alffe i think i too have lived a life of the ACTION and not the condition

by tirelessly trying to understand the action..................i have retained the condition..............by not recognising the symptoms........

the condition lead to an action.....................[if this makes any sense then let me know lol]

quote

And how can I seriously consider having another funeral for Michael just because I have no memory of his first one!!!???


Maybe a memorial service on year twenty one anniversary is significant..............

recall and rejoice his life.......grieve and mourn his tragic death.....and use the 21 KEY to open a new chapter in YOUR life.........................



David

Oh Alffe ... I feel your pain, in so many different ways, but I do. I am underconstruction too - would love a pin - maybe a "BEWARE - under construction" one? I don't think it has to be suicide, I really don't. It's just losing someone you care about so much, grief, that affects us so terribly. I can't imagine losing a partner, a child, but having experienced the lost of a parent has personally affected me like you can't believe. And well, sometimes you can't control when a person leaves you. And for suicide, its so much more conflicted and complex, because so many people think you could have prevented it, if if if you had done one thing differently and so on. But that's where people have to let go causet that's not true. And understand that that is just the way it is. It sucks indefinitely... but that's the way it is. And someone once told me that if someone is determined to complete a suicide, they will find a way (kind of like kids who want to have sex at a young age, you can put them on lockdown, but if there is a will there is a way). And I don't like to compare the two things, but perhaps it makes it easier for us to accept? That doesn't make it an excuse to say you shouldn't help if you can, but sometimes things are just out of our control. PS I don't know personally the circumstances regarding Alzheimers in your life, but my grandmother has it and you are definitely the sharpest tool in the box, if I ever saw one! Alffe, if you ever need anything, you know where to find me!

PPS thanks for the kind words.

Hi dear woman, I am thinking of you, and you are not alone.I know about rejection like you do. My daughter walked out of my life with her husband and my grandchild who I have never seen. It was over a family trust. I have been bitter for a long long time. This child of mine was very close to me, until she met her husband. I do not know how to go through life without this part of my life. It has made all the troubles I have medically, harder to withstand. I do reach out now to others, and it has helped. I don't think getting down on your knees helps. We do need others in our lives to help get us through these things. I have several friends, not many who understand who comfort me. I am sorry you are hurting. I am here any time you feel like talking. I am recovering from fusion C3-7 and have some down time. Reach out and don't give up on the happiness life still has to offer. ginnie