I know this is off topic, but I consider you all my friends and I could use some right about now.

As you all know I have come to the painful conclusion that Lynn needs to be placed in a nursing home. His personal care has become too much for me to manage. His physical and emotional abuse escalated. His children and I found a place really close to home that we all thought was wonderful. The problem was they said the waiting list was extensive and it could be well over a year before he was placed.

I just couldn't put him in the other homes! So I talked with his doctor and he upped his Antipsychotic medication to help with the abuse so I could try to keep him home longer. It has helped, we had an incident this week, but the meds were re-adjusted yesterday.

So, I was resigned that he needed to be placed.. and I was resigned to it taking around a year before it would happen. I had a court date Tuesday and was granted guardianship. I just put the final paper work in for the chosen nursing home not 2 weeks ago.

Imagine my shock when I got a phone call early this afternoon from the nursing home telling me they have a bed ready for Lynn

I am not ready for this!!! I have talked to his son and his sister. We will have to make a decision by tomorrow. I am shaking, throwing up and just a nervous wreck. I was told a year, so I set my mind to that.... now they are talking next week!!! ACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK.

I want to do what is best for Lynn. But, I just don't know what that is!


Ever feel like it is just one thing after another?

Thanks for letting me vent Nikki

Oh Nikki!!! I had to come out of my lurking stage to say that it is time to place Lynn in a nursing home. From what I have read, you have done all you can for him at home. It will be better for both of you. You will be a better caretaker and wife for him. You can see him often and because you are better rested and in a calmer environment at home, you can meet his needs beter at the nursing home.

You have been in my thoughts and prayers,

Doxie

I can only imagin how difficult this is for you Nikki but my gut reaction is for you to go for it....who knows when another bed will open and I think you need to say yes now. March is looming and that will be difficult enough with the anniversary of your dads' death.

Having him close enough to visit often makes a tremendous difference.
Even if he doesn't know you...you know him and can see how well he's being cared for. What does his son and sister think?

Watch the mail for a pkg...it will arrive when you'll need it most I think.

Nikki, first take a deep breath.

You can do this. A week is fast, but it can be done.

We can't tell the Lord we need our prayers answered in the time frame we think is right. He answered when He knew was right. He answered before March.

Give it to the Lord Nikki, He knows what is right.

You will get to be the wife and friend to Lynn. Not his nurse and caregiver.

I agree with Alffe Mom here . I have been praying so dang hard for something to speed this one situation along. So you can have what small bit of time is left with your mom. so you do not have to live as you have been .You are suffering just having to watch and deal with this 24/7...ontop of all you other issues and health.
I also say take this oppertunity as it is best for Lynn and best for all others including you. I know you want him comfortable and well cared for in a place that is close to you. ..hint hint.
One step at a time and this is just one step right ?right!!
we ARE all right here for you.
tons of love on you Angel friend warrior Nikki.
Always keeping you and your family in my prayers for courage and strength. May God guide you towards doing what is best . what is best not what is easy as I know this is terribly hard to do !!!!


PEACE
BMW

Nikki, I agree with the others. I can imagine the shock you must be feeling right now. Getting psyched up to do something in a year, is definitely not the same as suddenly deciding to do it in a week. Especially something like this.

You know I was a nurse, so please believe me when I say that I've seen other wives go through exectly the same decision as you're going through now, and as much as you feel you've accepted the decision to place Lynn in 12 months time, when that 12 month period has ended, you still would be feeling much the same as you are now.

The time is right now Nikki. The Lord knows you both need this, and that you both need it now.

It sounds like God's timing is perfect...as things have escalated with the disease's aggression (not Lynn's) , an answer comes unexpectedly!

I, too am a nurse, and one of my best jobs was working in an Alzheimer's unit at a wonderful facility. I was there 10 years and watched the dilema of loving family members struggle with both the relief and guilt with placing their loved ones in a home.

I agree with the other wise words and add my own encouragement to accept this as a timely gift.

Lynn may get to not know your name or relationship, but I promise that he WILL know that you love him. He will be safe and there will be activities and features there that will give him a quality of life that would be hard at home. (Right, Vicky?)

I love the way Curious put it, "You will get to be the wife and friend to Lynn. Not his nurse and caregiver. "

We will be here for you, whatever you decide.

Thank you all so much I knew I could count on you all for support.... the ship may be going down, but you know your friends are right there with their life boats! Such a wonderful feeling

I just am not ready, I feel blindsided! I want to make sure I am not being selfish, that HE is ready to be in a nursing home. He still knows us some days, he loves his home and he loves our dogs. In truth, he will miss the dogs more than me! I don't know, I feel like in trying to save me, I am letting him down. Every part of my mind and body is screaming, uncle.. you have had enough!! But IS HE ready?!

I have been mourning his loss for years. In my heart I am a widow. This man is not my husband. Though I do know my husband is gone and placing him a nursing home IS the right things to do..... part of me feels I need to protect this poor lost soul. The infant trapped in this Alzheimer’s hell....... damn but I hate this disease!

I know every single thing each of you said is true. I know it!!! And yes Angel friend of mine, it is just another step... but its a doozy!!

March.......... I have been thinking about that since the call came. I truly don't know how I am to survive next month. I know I will, but I am not sure how. I miss Dad something fierce. Right now I am thinking Damn it Dad!!! You should be here to help me through this!

I am a wreck,.... I do want to spend time with my Mom. I want to spend time with my family and friends. I have been a prisoner to Alzheimer's for far too long. I want to find myself, I want to find time to heal, and I want to be happy again. All things each person is surly worthy of... so why do I feel so damn guilty? sigh

It is the time frame. It is just much too soon! I was planning on a year. I know it would be just as hard a year from now, but I would have had more time to get use to it As my favorite saying says about plans.. "if you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans" How true huh? Curious, I DO believe God is much smarter than I! I will try to remember that while we are making our choice.

Alffe, you are so sweet, thank you for all your support this week..... as for his sister, she feels now. And all her reasons are valid. His son, (the co-guardian) was hoping for more time at home. But we haven't had much time to talk. He is suppose to call me tonight. We need to come to an agreement, so I can call them tomorrow.

Yes - right, isn't always easy is it? ACCCCCCK!

Thank you all, so much!

Thank you Moss and Koala

I guess I am seeing it would be just as hard in 12 months. Seeing your posts, as nurses was like a light bulb went off in my head. THIS IS why nursing homes are out there. I imagine no one ever "wants" to place their loved one! I know he would be safer, no more worries about fires and such.. and I know they would be able to handle his hygiene issues better than I can. If I knew he would have nurses like you two and goofy, it would be an easier choice

I keep thinking, it isn't now or never. Another bed will open up eventually. But, I can't ignore the timing either... I have always been a believer in everything happens for a reason. Lots to think on! His son will be calling this evening, and I will let you all know.. and thanks again

"part of me feels I need to protect this poor lost soul. The infant trapped in this Alzheimer’s hell"

Nikkey, "protecting" him might actually be allowing him to take this opportunity that has opened up. Safe, monitored, and with every opportunity for you to visit and love him - best of both.

Caregivers are there for 8 hours - how much easier it is to be patient and loving and nurturing knowing you can go home after a shift - not having to live it 24/7. I know this to be true.



"But IS HE ready?!"

If Lynn could have seen into the future and known what your life would look like when he was "himself".... what would he tell you to do?