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Trying to survive Dad's suicide....

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Old 03-09-2009, 07:39 PM #41
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((Sue))

I am very sorry to hear of your losses, tragic
I'm glad the time was right for you to talk about your loss. I hope it helped ease some of your pain

I too love how you expressed that, you nailed it!
trying to explain the unexplainable

I also sometimes say to my friends, don't try to rationalize the irrational to me. Dad's suicide will never make sense to me.

You also nailed just how I feel about my belief that it would have been better if Dad had been murdered by someone... other than himself. It would give me someone to blame, someone to aim all this anger and emotion towards.

I loved my Dad. I always will. But I mad as hell at him right now.
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Old 03-09-2009, 09:09 PM #42
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Old 03-10-2009, 09:23 AM #43
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((alffe)) When you told me before, that the second year is often times the hardest... as much as I respect and treasure you.. I must admit, I didn't believe you. HOW could anything be as bad as this past year??!!!

In the back of my mind, I kept telling myself, you just need to make it through all the firsts.... all the holidays, the anniversaries. I think I had it figured out if I could survive this first year, when March 14 rolled around, somehow, the pain would start to diminish. It isn't happening.

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Waaaay to soon to feel anything akin to forgiveness, or to feel acceptance....now that cocoon is wearing off...the one that has protected you from the reality of what he's done to you all. And anger takes center stage. ~sigh
The shock is wearing off, the cocoon....... and it hurts like hell I thought I would be so much further along in my healing. But no, it hurts just as badly as the day he killed himself. Different, but just as badly
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Old 03-10-2009, 10:40 AM #44
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It really will get better someday Nikki...I promise, but it's going to take a long time. We are right here for you...just keep swimming.
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Old 03-10-2009, 06:08 PM #45
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For my dear Nikki...((((lots of warm hugs))))
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Old 03-10-2009, 08:00 PM #46
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Nikki, I know "that" date is fast approaching.

What have you planned for yourself?

Are you going to stay home alone and reminisce?
Are you going to spend the day with Lynn?
Are you going to spend the day with friends?
Have you even made plans yet?
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Old 03-10-2009, 10:26 PM #47
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Old 03-12-2009, 01:24 AM #48
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Thank you all

I can't talk right now..... but wanted to check in and thought I would share this song with you... much love my friends

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm6ip3vxXSk
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Old 03-12-2009, 01:36 AM #49
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Keep strong there.
You _can_ get through this as hard as it is right now.
We're all thinking about you. (((Nik-key)))
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Old 03-12-2009, 01:40 AM #50
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Nikki please know that I love you and pray for you to begin to feel some peace...

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