Welcome to NeuroTalk, Nicole.

It would seem a wise decision to me to talk with a counsellor prior to your having the surgery considering what you've told us about your brother's death. I'm so sorry for your loss. It would weigh very heavily on your mind for sure as you prepare for that particular type of surgery.

Don't be a stranger here. Lots of wonderfully supportive people, not necessarily having gone through the exact same experience of loss, but loss none the less. Your fears make total sense to me and that's just from reading your message and imagining how difficult this will be for you.

Truely, you will be OK, and the results of your surgery you will not notice. I am glad you are talking to someone to allievate your fears. I always ask questions, its the best way to go about it. I wish you all the best as you move forward with your proceedure. ginnie

hearing this is so amazing i love when people have that one thing in there life holding them down and it makes them feel good.. i just need to find mine...

You can. You will.

You, go! One day at a time, one day at a time...

Hi am Ella i have tired to kill myself a few time before i think about it all the time
My dad died in September last year he killed himself ...its hard to deal with some times i wish i could join him

Welcome to the NeuroTalk Support Groups, Ella.

I'm so very sorry to hear that you've lost your father.

I hope you have some professional support with you as you deal with your terrible grief.

You've found a wonderful group of people here and I hope you join us and find some companionship as you deal with the time ahead.

Miss him. Need him. Love him. Be angry with him. Be sad for him. Please don't join him. Join us. (((hugs)))

I tried halfheartedly when I was 16 or so with my Trim Trio. I didn't draw blood even. What a dolt. I tried again when I was 44 and not halfheartedly. I stabbed myself right where I thought my heart should be. It wasn't. I was amazed that I didn't hit a single organ except my liver and they didn't even put any stitches in it. I lost more blood than I give at blood donations! They messed me up more with an old-fashioned laproscopy from sternum to just below my belly-button. I recuperated from that in a looney bin in a hospital. It was not a vacation. I worked hard at recovering from that. It was a dark place I'd never been in before and don't expect to be in again. I didn't want to hurt myself, I wanted the merry-go-round to stop. What worked for me was allowing myself to take no further attempts until I really wanted to die but then that would be alright. It was like a bottle of scotch for special occasions. Nothing was special enough.

I've tried to commit suicide twice. the first time was in 2002 when my depression was off the map, so I took a bottle of valium and the thought 'bugger I didn't really want to do that' and called my other half. The second time was very different, I had just got my depression under control, I was working full time and going back to uni to study for my MSc and then I started having problems with my knee. I had to have an op and that led to my crps. I had already been off work about 5 months and I met a friend, had too much wine, had a fight with my husband and just decided I couldn't take it any more. so I took every tablet I could get hold of, including around 60 200mg lithium tablets, about 20 pregabalin, all my antidepressants and god knows what else. Fortunately my body decided it wasn't ready to go and I started throwing up. Technically I shouldn't be here as I had more than enough lithium alone in my system to kill me. Most days I'm very glad that it didn't work and ever since then we've kept my drugs in a locked box that only my husband has the key for. Unfortunately since he got promoted he is generally away at least two nights a week, sometimes more, leaving me with access to more of my medication. I'm ok at the moments, I'm on a pretty even keel, but I have SAD which means that come the dark nights I get down again. I've got no one to talk to about this as they all change the subject when I try and bring it up, anyway thanks for letting me vent! xxxx

since my head injury I have attepted suicide 2 times. once with 60 Xanax. ended up running into the street screaming insanely and went to hospital then psych ward. second time tried to hang myself from vent but vent ripped out of ceiling. damaged neck muscles and went to hospital then psych again.'
its been seven years since injury. the symptoms never get better or easier to deal with. I'd be lying if I said I would never attempt suicide again. I don't now what the future holds. sleep most of the day for fear of the symptoms.