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05-11-2007, 06:32 AM
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I'm not proud of how many times I've tried to end it,starting at age 5,but I probably have broken some type of record.And I don't like people who label others,when they don't know anything about why,or walked in thier shoe's.It's easier to call them crazy!I was actually pronounced as "Legally Insane" in this state by a Judge,back then because I'm a "Cutter"!
 However I've gone 7 years without cutting now! I stopped for my Dad,because of how much I love him! My 2nd to last cutting episode almost killed me,and they notified next of kin,my Dad! Obviously I had to get the blood transfusions,but I also had to learn how to walk again,which scared the hell out of me to.But my Dad was so terrified of coming so close to losing me,that it was the first time I heard him cry.That was all it took,and I slipped once after that,but then I remembered my Dad,and I stopped! I've been afraid since he passed away,because he was all that was stopping me,so now I look for any excuse not to,and now it's Nico,my little Prince! My Avatar is My "Prince Nico",how could anyone abandon someone that adorable? He's my new pride and joy,and I look back at all of my attempts,which I lost count after like 20,but I'm glad I survived....and I don't like to look at myself as a victim,but a survivor! Even though I am,and will still be paying dearly medically for some of the things I did.I except my consequences!7 years ago is when I changed completely,I quit drinking,using drugs,and cutting,all at once.And I'm still going clean and sober,and cut free today! even though my Mom tells me the family would be better off without me about every chance she gets.But she's just her same old self as when I was young,I just understand her better now.She's still playing the victim role! 
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I'm Not Proud Of What I Am..........................
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