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05-11-2007, 06:32 AM | #1 | |||
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I'm not proud of how many times I've tried to end it,starting at age 5,but I probably have broken some type of record.And I don't like people who label others,when they don't know anything about why,or walked in thier shoe's.It's easier to call them crazy!I was actually pronounced as "Legally Insane" in this state by a Judge,back then because I'm a "Cutter"! However I've gone 7 years without cutting now! I stopped for my Dad,because of how much I love him! My 2nd to last cutting episode almost killed me,and they notified next of kin,my Dad! Obviously I had to get the blood transfusions,but I also had to learn how to walk again,which scared the hell out of me to.But my Dad was so terrified of coming so close to losing me,that it was the first time I heard him cry.That was all it took,and I slipped once after that,but then I remembered my Dad,and I stopped! I've been afraid since he passed away,because he was all that was stopping me,so now I look for any excuse not to,and now it's Nico,my little Prince! My Avatar is My "Prince Nico",how could anyone abandon someone that adorable? He's my new pride and joy,and I look back at all of my attempts,which I lost count after like 20,but I'm glad I survived....and I don't like to look at myself as a victim,but a survivor! Even though I am,and will still be paying dearly medically for some of the things I did.I except my consequences!
7 years ago is when I changed completely,I quit drinking,using drugs,and cutting,all at once.And I'm still going clean and sober,and cut free today! even though my Mom tells me the family would be better off without me about every chance she gets.But she's just her same old self as when I was young,I just understand her better now.She's still playing the victim role!
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07-10-2007, 12:18 PM | #2 | |||
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I made it through another birthday, and it was hard,but I did it! Without harming myself in anyway! My attempts were usually on my birthday every year, and some inbetween! But I wanted those who know, to know that I made it through yesterday safely!
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"Thanks for this!" says: | DMACK (09-11-2010) |
07-10-2007, 02:18 PM | #3 | |||
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oh Justice that is so good to hear.
happy belated birthday
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~Chemar~ * . * . These forums are for mutual support and information sharing only. The forums are not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. Always consult your doctor before trying anything you read here. |
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07-10-2007, 02:53 PM | #4 | ||
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Legendary
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Justice, that's very good news indeed.
Happy belated Birthday to you and many happy returns of the day. It sounds as if you're doing something very right. Take care of yourself there. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (03-21-2009) |
07-28-2007, 02:29 PM | #5 | |||
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I'm having a rough time again, and I don't know how it's going to turn out. All I know is that if I do make another attempt, I won't survive. I have way too much experience, and have learned from my mistakes. So if I was to try again, I would know exactly how to succeed, and that scares me, especially when I feel so bad right now! I just feel so alone and worthless, and I can't help it!
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (03-21-2009) |
07-03-2014, 02:43 PM | #6 | ||
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I tried halfheartedly when I was 16 or so with my Trim Trio. I didn't draw blood even. What a dolt. I tried again when I was 44 and not halfheartedly. I stabbed myself right where I thought my heart should be. It wasn't. I was amazed that I didn't hit a single organ except my liver and they didn't even put any stitches in it. I lost more blood than I give at blood donations! They messed me up more with an old-fashioned laproscopy from sternum to just below my belly-button. I recuperated from that in a looney bin in a hospital. It was not a vacation. I worked hard at recovering from that. It was a dark place I'd never been in before and don't expect to be in again. I didn't want to hurt myself, I wanted the merry-go-round to stop. What worked for me was allowing myself to take no further attempts until I really wanted to die but then that would be alright. It was like a bottle of scotch for special occasions. Nothing was special enough.
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01-11-2008, 09:24 PM | #7 | ||
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Junior Member
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This thread makes me very sad. I too have tried to take my own life. I don't talk about it much as I have a very difficult time just thinking about it.
I don't think it is a coward's way out either as someone mentioned. Whoever would say that has no idea what kind of pain a person is experiencing to even think about doing something like this let alone following through with it. I have two dogs and they are keeping me on this earth. I know that sounds odd but there were days that only my dogs were able to get me to smile. They do not judge or say nasty things. They don't care if I'm too thin or too fat. They don't say nasty things about me behind my back. I have learned that people can be very cruel, uncaring and two faced. That combined with chronic illness can just push anyone over the edge. I hope I never fall into that black hole again. |
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01-13-2008, 04:01 PM | #8 | |||
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In Remembrance
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dearest dearhearts
- I am not for certain but I am sure of this -we have all been very depressed, outta of blue sky - suddenly-I hear my self doubts scream -you have no purpose in your life - why are you stil here? l have thoughts about -life... we try to measure up and always fall short of the goal -no matter what...the voices that replay in our minds. the mirror of the reflecting hurtful past. some of the greattest hearts of our time - have only become great, because of heart break and loose - so what I do is - Take out the trash -evn if it sneaks back in your colllection of thoughts. Do away with all the old repeat messages, negative messages you were given about yourself. The strangest thing is to replay them is easier some days,when we hate ourselves ~~ although sometimes on a sunny day -suddenly in our minds a dark cloud comes overhead with a 100 percent chance of - a dark night of the soul -on the way - on those nights- do not allow yourself to be alone... If someone has told you that you are worthless, undeserving, dense or unattractive, that is their voice - screaming out their hurts clawing out to hurt you or anyone that happens to be in the area. No one has a right to judge you or belittle you. especially ourselves! We are all struggling to get by in this world, and no one else has all the answers. Honor your own truth. In your own heart, you know who you are . . . don't let another take that power away from you. Love yourself. I believe in GOD -and GOD has a purpose for our lives -even if we not realize what it is... I go through this weekly - and I tell myself and others I love- I'm sorry Forgive Yourself . . . and Move On. Okay . . . so maybe you/ and I did screw up on a few things, maybe even on most things. Some of us have to learn the hard way. There are really no failures or mistakes, just opportunities for growth. Usually something good does come out of our mistakes. So learn from them, don't repeat them, forgive yourself, and move on. luv,
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with much love, lou_lou . . by . , on Flickr pd documentary - part 2 and 3 . . Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these. |
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01-13-2008, 04:15 PM | #9 | |||
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In Remembrance
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Enjoy Feeling Fine.
Remember when/if you have had a toothache,earache the flu, or a migraine. Remember the relief you felt when you first started to feel better? Until we are sick, we rarely appreciate how good it feels to feel well. Be glad you are well. so just hold on - slow down and breathe deeply -you are not in a rush to finish -like some type of race? breathe in LOVE exhale - Fear...
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with much love, lou_lou . . by . , on Flickr pd documentary - part 2 and 3 . . Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these. |
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04-29-2012, 08:46 PM | #10 | ||
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Junior Member
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You, go! One day at a time, one day at a time...
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