i'm crashing again. i'm in my old city and all the horrible memories are coming down on me. i feel like i'm going to break.

Are you back for a visit? Are you back permanently? It sounds like it wasn't a good idea to go back there Manda but there you are for whatever reason. And it sounds like it is exactly the same...toxic for you.

I'm sorry you are reliving this...you aren't alone..we are here for you.

(((((((((( Manda ))))))))))

Slow down... take a breath... Remember, you are NOT the same person you were when you left your hometown. You are STRONG!!! You are an AMAZING young lady who has MUCH to offer this world!!

Are you back there permanent? A visit? Back for school? A new job?

I know things seem completely overwhelming....but you CAN get through all of this... Take it day by day... if that doesn't work, go hour by hour, minute by minute, or even second by second and breath to breath.

If you are back there permanently, I suggest trying to go to someplace you have never been... talk to people you have never met--start with a smile and by saying Hi or Hello..

Try to stay away from places that hold bad memories for you...BUT, if you have to go to those places....why not try to make a new friend there?!?

I believe in you and know you can make it through all of this...

Remember... we are all here for you, so please keep talking!!


Abbie

((((((((((Twin))))))))))

Hang in there.... just try to do it... this will pass too....

It's hard to know why we're here, particularly when there is so much pain within us and we are lonely. I suffer from major depression, obsessive thoughts, anxieties and fears which keep me essentially housebound. But we end all possibilities of hope at death. Until then, we can anticipate that change will be ongoing and that, with effort at concentrating on the positive, that change will be positive. We have no idea what death holds. I don't know this, but my sense is that you are relatively young and do in fact have a good chance of meeting a partner that will accept and support you. No one can understand us entirely and cannot come too close unless they have the same essential conditions. What are the good things in your life? Do you have chronic pain or one of the major medical conditions? Do you suffer body dysmorphic disorder and [falsly] hate going out for fear of how you look. Do you have work, family? If you are in fairly good physical health and social anxiety/self image is fair, Hang on to these good things and grow them by concentrating on them as opposed to the negative. Even as I say this, I am all too well aware of how hard it is to do, and I am barely taking baby steps toward positive changes in myself. But we are here for a reason, and part of that reason is to learn how to live. This life is the chance we have for that, and that ends with death, leaving us unprepared, I believe. Bless You for coming to this forum for help. It is a great thing to do. So many of us share your conditions and feelings. May God Bless You and, through this forum and other events, show you the way out. billie

hi all,
it's been a very busy time for me. i will write you all back this weekend.
i've been keeping you close all week as i've been trying to keep my head and heart on track.

love you all
manda

praying that i get a call from the doctor i was referred to. i don't know how much longer i can be "patient"

Manda-don't be a "good patient" or even "patient". Call the doctor's office several times a day. Tell them your Grandmas Sue said you need to see the doctor now. Keep posting-we will help you wait.

i hope for forgiveness one day. i'm not so selfish that i don't care about other people's forgiveness. i hope one day this is communicated to everyone in my past.