ohh Manda you fit right in with us ..sister Manda
I sent you a quick message . but I also want to send you some positive vibs and hope your having a good day . remember its one step at a time dont rush or look at Everything all at once it can overwhelm ya and make ya freak out . . . panic.. cant shut off the brain/mind so remember small steps ... just one thing at a time. When you get past that one step add it to the list of accomplishments you have done. That is how I learned to drive again after my accident. somehow that helped me too hang on to the next day and the next and the next. I hope some of that will help you some how.

PEACE
BMW

edit to wish you a bunch of luck tomorrow

Thank you so much for the kind words This has been an incredible experience for me. I feel like I've finally found people that support me. Truly support me. Not just people who nod their heads so as not to postpone the rest of the conversation.

Will keep you guys updated on how the first day at work goes.

I have a question that I need comfort on--the people I have pushed away because of my recent inability to deal with my issues...do you think there's a chance of mending these relationships? I feel like I have to "clear my name" and show I'm not completely crazy. I know that I need to do it for myself, but do you think people can gain back the respect and love they once had for me? Or maybe I'm overreacting and thinking everyone hates me when really they don't? Before I get into a circle of thoughts, I'm going to end this.....

Much love.

Yes.

Yes.

That's possible. I've done that myself.

Lara---you're great

I think you're greater than you think you are. LOL

Back later. Hope your day went well there...

I'm sinking again. I don't know why I do okay in the morning and then become so vulnerable to my thoughts in the evening.

I can't take it that no one in my life cares that I'm calling for help. These are people that have said I love you to me, and now? Now they're nowhere. They're straight up ignoring me. I can't take this pain, you guys. I'm so sad. I just want him to pick up the phone and tell me I'll be ok, and he's not. How is someone so disgusted by me as a person that they don't care enough to pick up? Why am I being judged?

I think I need to go for a bit. Something in my head isn't right. I have such good moments in the day and now this. I think I need to drive all night or something. I don't know how I'm going to start my job tomorrow, though that's the least of my worries. I'm so consumed by people that don't want me in their lives and how bad it stings.

I'm crashing. I'm falling. I'm so damaged. I'm so hurt. I want everyone to call me and see how I'm doing, yet I only have one friend that is still sticking around. I'm so destroyed.

I'm sorry.

Hi Manda

something I learned the hard way was that sometimes people are withdrawing not because they dont care...but sometimes because they care too much..... and they just cant handle the turmoil that they feel when they seem helpless to solve someone else's pain. so they hide from it not to feel it. I know it hurts when they do that....but it isnt you they are rejecting...it is the feelings they cant cope with.

I so hope you will keep talking here...the members of this forum have a care and compassion that is truly remarkable. I know they will help you through this hard time. I hope and pray something special comes your way to remind you that you are loved and appreciated

Hey little sis,

I think we struggle at nights because we have less activities and less distractions to keep us away of our problems... So, try to keep you entertained at nights... Paint, draw, watch tv, listen music, read... Or, simply, try to sleep, but try to stop thinking and re-thinking because that will make you anxious and or sad...

Now, if people "who loves you" leave when you are struggling or having problems, they simply dont love you at all... That's my humble opinion. Just leave them go... as they probably arent good friends or good companion... Remember God always remove bad people from our ways at some point in our lives...
If they really and truly love you, they will understand you were in a crisis and will be back next to you
That has happened to me with friends... My real friends understand my depression problems and help me getting out of them or at least, they have patience Some, the ones who didnt understand have left and probably they liked me, but didnt love me and at this point in my life, I prefer one or two friends that love me than 100 that like me only when im happy and without problems...

So ! I typed a lot and in my phone ! Now my hands feel tired so, I will stop here, but dont worry, the ones that need to be back to you, will be back to you

Love ya !

In answer to your question... I can tell you only about my experience...

I've never had many friends... When things hit rock bottom for me... I had 3 or 4 friends. I had many aquaintances...

Today... one of my friends called and invited me out for ice cream... another one called me just to chat, and a third recently emailed me in what I believe to be an attempt to reconnect... now mind you... these are the friends that told me to go away.

So.. Yes, it can happen. Seems one of them has let the others know in some way how I am doing....

Am I weary of them... YES. I don't want to feel that kind of hurt again. I have built up major walls around my heart... for self preservation...

I wish you peace tonight so that you may rest and be ready for your first day on the job... who knows... maybe the person you are searching for will find you there... but know... it usually happens when you quit searching.


Abbie

Quote "I'm sinking again. I don't know why I do okay in the morning and then become so vulnerable to my thoughts in the evening."


At the star of a day the mind and body is techniquely more able too cope, as the day goes on and if your not eating enough, or drinknig enough water your body and mind begins to naturaly tire. This is when we naturaly feel more vulnerable. Eating regularly, drinking 5-8 glassess of H2O and if you can find the strength exercise...it helps to strengthen you holisticaly...

I'm no doctor...its just an observation but i notice you said you are taking prozac.
WARNING http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/medicines/100002193.htmlI
Depression and other psychiatric illnesses are associated with an increased risk of suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and suicide. You should be aware that this medicine may not start to make you feel better for at least two to four weeks. However, it is important that you keep taking it in order for it to work properly and for you to feel better. If you feel your depression or anxiety has got worse, or if you have any distressing thoughts, or feelings about suicide or harming yourself in these first few weeks, or indeed at any point during treatment or after stopping treatment, then it is very important to talk to your doctor.

I WAS PRESCRIBED THIS TABLET 15 YEARS AGO AND IT SENT ME BARKING MAD and lead me to my attempted Suicide...this does not mean it will have the same effect on others...but if your feeling lower than usual, speak to your doctor and tell them your darkest thoughts....there are other meds in the same group that have less hairy side effects....im on Sertraline[Zolfot] which by the way has good results on OCD....

BUT DONT STOP TAKING THE PROZAC...speak to your Dr before ending any meds.............

David