Things are way out of control. I am losing it, I don't know what to do. I see my pdoc tomorrow but he won't do anything he never can because have been on so many meds. I think the meds won't help anyways. I am just too screwed up, and meds don't help things like PTSD and some other things i have.
Jen

You are fighting for your life against the beast called depression. Many of us do this on a daily basis, most of us succeed only to fight another day. It isn't easy, it isn't fun...there's no magic pill to make it go away. I want you to know that you aren't alone and it's ok to tell us how you are feeling and to be very tired of feeling this way.

Melody Beattie wrote a book called A Reason to Live after the death of her 12 year old son, not from suicide but this loss caused her such depression that she reached out to other people in a cry for help...she asked, "how would you respond to a friend who was thinking of taking his or her own life."

It's an excellent book with simple suggestions of things we can hold onto while waiting to feel better.

John Bradshaw, author of Homecoming writes, "Suicide is a hasty choice.
Use your imagination, the faculty of your soul, to find another choice.

(((Jen29))) It's hard work but you can do it...you can do it if you try. (reminds me of a song.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkQIpqej568&feature=fvw

(((Jen))), sent you another note!

You can find your way if you "stick with it!"
Decide to not give up, no matter your feelings.

Feel your feelings, Jen. Yet, don't be deceived!
Do not allow your negative feelings to dictate your actions.

There are lots of doctors, lots of meds, lots of approaches (many without meds or in addition to meds).

There are so many potential "answers" for you!
There are infinite possibilities, (((Dear Jen))).

Don't let your fear take over, Jen. Decide not to put your fear or your pain in the driver's seat. Refuse to let them drive!!!

(((Alffe))) has suggested some great books!

Many others here are reaching out to you (((Jen))).

Let us help you to get through this.

It can be a tough fight, Jen. Depression, PTSD, abuse, anxiety, panic, regrets, losses, physical ailments, fear... you name it, Jen... they are all tough!

Life is tough! Life is sometimes simply gut-wrenching, Jen. It is full of pain and uncertainty, yet...

It is also full of love, joy and meaning!

YOU are also tough! You are! You may not feel as though you are tough, but you are! There are answers for you. You may not know what they are yet, but there are answers... for you.

Let us walk beside you while you find them?

"Soften," Jen..."open up" and feel the love so many are offering to you!
The walls... they keep the "yucky feelings" in.

Let the love shine through!!!
Let the love shine through!!!
Let the love shine through!!!

Many are offering you lots of love!
I hope you can feel the warmth of that love.

Stay safe (((Jen))). Stay safe. Stay safe.

What types of thing do help you?

I know that you are tired,but the lord will renew your strength. I've been through several life shaking events,but I'm still here. Sometimes things slowly turn around,but those mountains move. I don't know how God does it but these tremendous difficulties change.

Read Psalm 23,and remember Job in the Bible,and all of the things that happened to him. Even his friends discouraged him.

In Isaiah 41:10 He says Fear thou not; for I am with thee:be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee;yea,I will help thee;yea,I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. (King James Version)
Key words are Strengthen
help
uphold You
Cast not away therefore your confidence which hath great recompence of reward. Heb.10:35 (King James Version)

Hang on to these words,don't let go. I've fought with myself to hang on to these truths when I've gone through my battles,and I still hold on to these words.

In daily battles,I've read these truths,and no one can take His truths away.

These are some of the things that help me,but in a dark horrible pit of depression,I still reach out,and I still have these Bible verses,and things have straightened out in my life before at many times in my life.

Please keep holding on. You will get through it. Circumstances have a way of working out.

If we don't heal the way we thought,we can endure through His words of Grace directly to you from the Bible,and gives us some peace of mind.

Hang on Jen. Angels are with you,and I. Don't give up. BF

(((Jen))) Maybe you could make a list of things that are going right for you. You found this forum and made so many wonderful new friends. You now have people you can talk to who will know what you mean amd not judge you. If you are the type of person that likes to know specific plans and know what is on the agenda-maybe start a notebook and write down some things that you know for sure, some things you want to do, and make a plan for your day, hour by hour. I have even gone minute by minute, crossing them off as I survived them. It really helps me to make a plan the day before, it seems less daunting that way, and is also good to wake up and already have a written plan of what I am going to do, and methods I am going to use to cope. Sweet Majo said once she was ging to copy off some of the encouraging words she received from others here and tape them by her bed. (Did I get that right, Majo?) I thought that was an excellent idea. Printing out some of the most encouraging PM's might also help you, I have done that and it is nice to have them in print form on a real piece of paper. You could add some of them to a "survival purse" and hang it by your bed or put it under your pillow.
Most important of all, I think, is to keep talking about how you are feeling. We are all here to listen and care.