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08-10-2009, 01:19 PM
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Grand Magnate
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I have wanted to post about my ongoing problems…afraid people are tired of hearing about me…I might not post this at all....
I am going through a huge calendaring time for me with PTSD. Too many anniversary pains to process. I can’t look at a picture of either of my children without burning tears feeling my eyes. I have to keep a happy face so no one knows. Anyway that’s how I feel… I….feel very lost and having a hard time facing the challenges I have to face everyday…Monday’s are so hard, they are the beginning of the unknown and they scare me to death! On top of it all we are having huge financial problems right now…that is a hard one to admit in public. I’m so scared…don’t know what to do. My Olhipie can’t help me because of his worsening short-term memory problems. I don’t even want to burden him with the worries because the stress of it would be emotionally and physically devastating for him. Its hard to see him when he gets down because of financial stress…he has never had the money problems we have before…I love him so much…I just don’t want to see him hurt. I have to get up enough guts to call my mortgage company today to see how willing they are going to be to help me. I got a letter two weeks ago from their attorneys stating that I was five pmts. behind…I nearly passed out…talk about taking the Xanax. I called them to see what was going on because I thought I was only one pmt. behind. They are going to audit my account to see where the payments went. They did find two of them and applied them back so they want to look deeper to see if they can at least a few more. I pay all my payments by phone. My Olhipie told me that I need to start mailing the payment so we at least have a paper trail. It just seems so easy to pay by phone. My mortgage isn’t very big but to catch up will be hard…also our bankruptcy is behind a little on pmt. I feel like such a looser! I can’t lose our home…I lost my long-term disability and also the IRS a few months ago started taking some of the Olhipie’s long term disability. I have been using my Mom’s SS income to try to help but it just isn’t enough and…I don’t know… My heart is so heavy. I’m not sleeping only a few hours a night. My Olhipie is having really bad problems with his short-term memory. He at times can’t remember what we did yesterday. Yesterday we went to church together which doesn’t happen because of his fatigue…we went and he slept through the whole meeting. I brought him home and we ate some lunch and he dozed off in his recliner for a few hours of needed rest. When he woke he thought it was Monday. He wondered if I slept on the couch or went to bed and left him in the recliner. I think he got it all straightened out when 60 minutes came on…he knows they are on Sundays. I feel so burned out…I am losing my patience with both my Honey and my Mom who lives with us because of the added care and the problems with memory both are having. My Mom is having some health problems…working on a bleeding ulcer. Her memory for some things is getting bad. I have a home health care group that come in to give her baths and do PT for her. They started this past Saturday. I am so sorry this is so long. I have calmed while writing this. Maybe it was Xanax I took before I started writing…but still wonder if I should post it. I need to call my Mortgage company…I so scared they won’t want to work with me…This has been my home for 25 years…my Dad gave the land to build on. Please forgive me for sounding so…I don’t know what to call it…desperate…whiney…morose…I’m honestly scared to death!!!! 
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My best friends live in my computer.... . Suffered with back problems since birth...7 back surgeries to date, the last one being on 5/13/2015. Fibromyalgia, PTSD, Chronic Pain “Being my sweethearts full-time care partner, I have to remind myself, when some well-meaning friend or relative questions my methods or motives, that I know more than they do because I Live this life 24/7, and they only come for short visits.” Tamiloo . Gotta love my Olhipie! Dx'd RRMS 1986, SPMS 2004 . Watch my Olhipie Skiing.... . |
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So far down I don't know how to get up...
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