[Riverwild]

While messing around these past few days with AMN and Yabbit, I had MS progression brought home to me in a big way.

Right from the start Yeahbut was raring to go! She bounces around like a little sprite and puts everyone to shame with her energy. She absolutely bubbles, brimming over at times like a freshly opened bottle of champagne.

Me, I'm a lil slower. I have to take my time and hoist myself out of low chairs and let my legs unstiffen before I can move fast. It's even worse if I am in a car for any period of time and unable to move my legs. I am a bit unsure on rough surfaces, and always look for things that might cause me to mis-step and trip myself up or give my weak ankle that little shove that causes it to collapse sideways.

AMN is very deliberate in all her moves. She has to plan every step when she walks. She has to constantly look ahead for obstacles and plan around them in advance. She has to consider the time it takes her to get anywhere, consider whether she will have enough energy to make it there and back to her starting point, consider what's around to grab on to for support or to sit down, and consider what she will need to get there. She knows her limits and will always let you know when she's getting close to having to change her plan and use a different mobility aid, or rest and regroup, or has had enough.

I told AMN it's like each of us running a river.

Yabbit is in the merry part of the flow, just running along quickly, bouncing off rocks and obstacles, but for the most part just going with the flow. There's a few trouble spots but they seem to be easily avoided. She slows down, but it takes longer.

I'm in the heavier rapids already, looking ahead a few yards and checking for rocks and holes, moving from side to side to avoid them, but still sort of fun, a few good sized waves and some trouble spots, but I'm enjoying myself despite the roar that I hear in the distance.

AMN's in the heavy rapids. She has to look far ahead, monitor every change in the flow, think fast and make the correct move NOW to avoid what's up ahead at the end of what she can see, evaluating all the drops and what's going on over the horizon line that in some cases is directly in front of her. She scouts every rapid and plans her route and if it looks too dangerous, she isn't afraid to portage her boat around the rapid or get off the river.

As we made our way down those rocks, Yabbit was merrily running ahead and back to report on what she saw, dropping over ledges and into cracks, hauling herself out of them and peering over the edge of drop off ledges that looked directly into the foamy abyss of the sea below.

I was picking my way carefully, avoiding wet slippery spots, trying to limber my legs up enough so I didn't have to constantly look down at what I was walking on, going to the smaller steps so I would be able to step down without sitting down to do it, but still getting to most of the places she went, except for the deep cracks and ledges and the slippery parts and sheer drop off.

AMN was at the top, strapping on her AFO so she could walk on the rocks, her felt soled boots so she could walk on slippery stuff, her walker so she would have support, her sunglasses so she could see, her camera on the neck strap so she could walk without paraphernalia in her hands and still grab a pic, her vest with pockets to carry everything else, and all her strength, to get where she wanted to go. At the same time she was commenting on what she saw as obstacles ahead that might get in the way of her getting to her goal. This all was even before she started down the rocks.

As I walked ahead at one point, I watched Yeahbut and thought to myself, she's at the beginning, unaware of what's coming. I'm in the middle of the pack, stiff and careful, but going where I want to go. AMN is behind the two of us, counseling care and thoughtfulness and showing it in all her moves, but still determined to get there if she has anything to do about it!

I think both AMN and I were wishing we were where Yabbit is a few times, and AMN may have been wishing she was where I am, and I know neither Yabbit or I want to even go where AMN is.

We're all still happy with our efforts cause we are all doing the very best we could, despite where we are with MS. None of us knows what's at the end yet.

It was a very philosophical moment during a beautiful day, for me.

[kicker]

I'm not walking at all anymore. Thank you Riverwild for showing us a true snapshot, no photoshop. Nobody knows where this journey will take them. Who knows? But we remain who we are.

[Blessings2You]

Sometimes I look at the people that have it way worse than I do, and it makes me thankful for the abilities I still (and may always) have. Sometimes it just scares the crepe paper out of me.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, RW.

[AfterMyNap]

When RW told me about her thoughts, I begged her to post them never dreaming she'd do it so eloquently. Well done, my Mainah friend!

You are quite right, I did want to shove her back into that crack more than once!!!!

Originally Posted by kicker

I'm not walking at all anymore. Thank you Riverwild for showing us a true snapshot, no photoshop. Nobody knows where this journey will take them. Who knows? But we remain who we are.

Amen, Kickah! Amen!

[Erin524]

This weekend is the air show at Offutt Air Force Base. I used to go every year (my dad's unit used to run the first aid station, and his commanding officer would always schudule my dad's Reserves weekend to coincide with the air show)

I've been to this air show 30+ times, and used to never miss it. My boyfriend wants to go tomorrow, and I told him I probably wouldnt go, even tho I would LOVE to go. I just dont know if I can handle the warm temperatures (it's still a cool weekend, but they dont have the nice big a/c hangar that they used to have)

I also dont know if my optic nerves can handle it. I'd be looking up into the sky, watching the Blue Angels (darnit! no Thunderbirds this year!) and trying not to get dizzy from all the stuff going on. My vision is a lot better than it was this time last month, but it's still not the greatest. I cant go into a store that has flourescent lights in it without getting dizzy and queasy. I dont know if I want to be outside all day in the sun, getting dizzy while trying to watch the sky for the Blue Angels and the Army Golden Knights.

MS sucks...I'd really love to go to the air show. (maybe I should hijack my mom's scooter and go anyways.)

[SallyC]

Oh River, how beautifully put. I am in awe of your power for words.

Let's see....where am I on those rapids? I've been on that damn river a long time and, although it's getting harder, am still holding on for dear life and riding the rapids as well as I can..

[karousel]

Riverwild - you wrote that beautifully and what so many of us are thinking at times. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us.

[Snoopy]

RW, thank you.

What you wrote was beautiful.

[NurseNancy]

that was so well spoken.
i could visualize all 3 of you in your own spots.

i for one sometimes let myself think about where i was and where i might be going. but, mostly i keep myself in the today.

[Kitty]

Beautifully put, RW. Thanks for sharing it with us.