To cut a long story short, I'm the other side of the world to my family and haven't seen them for a few years. I had to tell my mum when i got diagnosed just because she 'knew' something was wrong and was fishing for information. At the time I thought it was no more than disc issues so had told her that I was getting and mri etc.

Anyway, I have a sister who has always thought I was the lucky sister, the fortunate one, the golden child. She now thinks I'm EVER so lucky to be not working much, sending out my partner to work whilst I sit around on the farm. I've told her I have disc issues and had to give up nursing because of this.

I feel bad that I haven't told her but I know she couldn't keep it to herself and I just don't want people in our home town knowing. it's a small community and i don't want to be known as that girl who has ms.

We're heading home for a visit next year and the comments have already started. How we can pop over to Italy one weekend, where we can go shopping, what she wants as gifts etc. i've told her I'm pretty skint cos of not working much but she just makes snyde comments.

Tonight she mocked my counselling business, culminating in asking had i counselled the sheep after the trauma of not getting them in the trailer? Who was I counselling, what was I doing etc with THAT tone of voice - like 'who's gonna go to YOU?'.

I know I shouldn't get annoyed. She doesn't know. We've never got on really well and she's just being slightly nasty, not real mean.

But now, if I tell her, she'll get mad that I didn't tell her sooner. and it'll be like I'm saying you can't be mean to me anymore, I'm sick.

i feel so cross. her tone of voice really cut me hard.

yes, i'm so lucky to be at home all the time. but not so lucky as to why.

I'm not sure what I expect anyone to say... just banana cake and tea if you got this far.

I have one of those sisters too! are you sure we are not related?

My sis will have a competition with you.

I have the flu, she has pnuemonia. I have a belly ache, she has cancer. I have cancer, she has cancer that has spread! Most of what she says to me is sniper fire, venom filled, and it shows through her words, and deeds that she thinks I am a lucky lil snot who has had an easy life handed to her. She has never seen me struggle, nor has she seen me sick. She only gets to see me during recovered events.

If I am forced to retire, its because I am lucky and must have known someone in the higher up offices to be able to leave my job. When I got that job, it was because I knew someone, not because I was well educated, worked hard, and had a great resume. If I tell her, I have a lump, before you know it, half the town thinks I have been given last rights, and told to go home and die. She can really twist a story.

After years of dealing with this competitive, jealous behavior I figured out that she does these things because I have protected her from knowing just how hard my life can be. She never saw me throw up from Chemo. she never sees me half blind, and dragging a leg in a flair. She has never seen me freshly released from the hospital and too sick to cook my own soup. She only hears the good things from my mum. What a wonderful house I have, and all my friends, and how I get a check whether I go to work or not. No wonder she cant sort it out, and be a proper sister for me.

Maybe if you sat and had a conversation with yours, it may help cut through some of the veil. The thin line that separates you. I started asking mine for help (which I had never ever done before) and that was shocking to her. I turned down several invitations and that was shocking to her. I too live far from my family, and they dont get to see my everyday BS that I go through. All they have is their imaginations and gossip to rely on.

PM me anytime. happy to share more.

WOW, you two. I always thought Sisters were supposed to be close. Were you treated differently by your Parents or set against each other too often?

What a shame..

My sister and I were never close. I was younger, and remember trying hard to get to play with her, or be with her. She was always busy, or tied up. Made it very clear that she thought I was a worthless snot ball from the start. My parents did nothing to foster a family envoirnment. I was always told that if she didnt want to be with me, to leave her alone. She always had an attitude of entitlement to her. I have no idea where she got that. Like the world owed her something. I on the other hand always had a work ethic. I saved my money, she spent every penny, and asked for advances on the next paycheck. I repaid every loan, or kindness. I didnt forget those who helped me. She acted like they owed it to her, so why should she even say thank you.

Strange how two girls, one year apart, can be so different. I have always felt a hole in my life where she would have fit, but I cant force her to come to it. I refuse to let her treat me badly, and have asked her to leave my home, and my family when she displayed behaviors that made me upset. Stealing from my children isnt allowed! "their just kids, they wont miss it." she would say. OUT! I would say. so, its been a twisted path from the get go. I learned long ago to live my life without her as a major player in it. Sad, cause I really could have used a sister.

aww Dejibo I'll adopt you! You can be my sister. She is a lot like yours unfortunately. And the fact we are 9 years apart didn't really help. I was talking to my niece about it not too long ago and I realized that my sister is not the kind of person I would be friends with if we weren't related. But I have my adopted sisters I have made over the years and I wouldn't trade them for the world!

Heck I'll adopt all of ya! I just need a head count for thanksgiving dinner!

my first inclination was for you to say mean things back to her instead of remaining silent. and that doesn't mean you have to tell her about the MS.

then i got to thinking that she is probably acting this way because she really insecure and doesn't have much self worth. that's just a guess. ya know, like bullies. they terrorize others because they don't feel powerful in their own lives.

so, maybe you could just out psyche her.

I'm sorry that you have a sister like this too Pud's friend. Dej has described my own sister to a Tee and I've come here on occassions to get support for some of the horrors that she's put me through.

She's always been jealous of me, when there really was no need. We chose different paths and I think she's sorry now for the one she took. She was expelled from several schools and refused to go to school at all when she reached age 15, was pregnant at 16, married at 17 divorced at 20.... you get the picture. I stayed at school, worked hard, have a Bachelor degree and spent 30 years as an RN which I loved.

My sister is a hyperchondriac and I'm sure she's also a sociopath. When I was diagnosed with MS she was angry; jealous that I had something the doctor's were able to diagnose where-as she didn't. I was diagnosed 32 years ago, so you can imagine the 30+ years of angst this has caused, and even though we are both in our 50's, her jealousy has never improved.

I hope all works out for you Pud's friend. Not all sisters are like mine and Dej's and she may just surprise you. I hope she'll realise just how special you are, and be kinder in the future.

Try not to worry; you have a wonderful trip to look forward to, and I'm sure there'll be many happy reunions and experiences coming up.

to all those with mean family members. Wouldn't it just be nice if we could just pick our own family members??

So where do I go for the thanksgiving dinner? I've never been to one of those before

I too wish that we could chose our families. i would never be friends with my sister if she weren't mine. She is jealous I think. I live the life i want in the sun with all the antipodean adventure that comes with the territory. She lives a hard working, early morning trudge with two beautiful daughters and a providing husband. Yet she still continues to think she's hard done by.

I get nothing but sarcasm, pithy comments and put downs. I daren't mention her weight or appearance as she is sensitive about both. She has thyroid issues and is overweight but of course can't control her weight with diet and exercise. So I'm the slim one, the lucky one, the one with no worries and a working partner who I'm no doubt taking great advantage of. My darling partner who means the world to me, who is supportive and loving, who doesn't worry about the future and keeps me going.

Oh well, take one day at a time i suppose, and not rush into telling her for the sake of it.

thanks for your support guys.