I loved this!

i don't know, this one is a hard one for me.

MIL has no idea as to the severity of your relapse because you have not seen them in a while and you downplay it. She cannot possibly understand if you do not tell her and tell her often.

She is having a tough time with this being the first holiday season since her divorce and she wants a family group get-together. Plus it has been a while since she saw her first-born granddaughter.

Most people do not understand how badly MS people can feel. Most want to relate to it by talking of their own exhaustion or pain. But at least some try to "get it." That is a good thing.

Family means so much at holiday time. Her son, her granddaughter. Is DH an only child? If your family does not come, does MIl go to her sister's house without any of "her family?"

You don't want to be alone. Will she be alone even at her sister's house?

This is tough. I feel for you and I feel for the mom. My kids are both in their 20's and unmarried. They come to me for Thanksgiving. DD will be making the dinner for the first time with my help.

What will happen when I have to share? Sorry Jowen. Wish I could be all on your side. This situation has many shades of gray.

Dear Jenn,

I don't have MS and I ended up in this thread by accident. I just want you to know that even though I don't have that insideous disease, I do understand how it makes you feel, what it does to you, mentally, physically and emotionally.

It's very selfish and peevish of your MIL to behave the way she is. She is obviously wanting her way and is doing the jealous mother thing by trying to let you know that she can get him to do what she wants. She is resentful of your MS...As if you wouldn't be? And for some reason has already excluded you from any celebrations.

She doesn't get it because she isn't capable of it. Maybe you could contact the MS Society and get them to send her an information pack? That way she will get it and hopefully either apologise or shut the hell up.

Your husband is a wonderful man who obviously loves you dearly. And I'm even proud of him for standing up to her!

((((((((gentle hugs))))))))
Rhiannon

jen,
i'm sorry you're going thru a relapse.
you're right that folks don't get it. sometimes especially those that are closest to us.

you have a great hubby.
and you have a great ability to understand another's point of view.

i hope you're better soon.

I can't advise since I have my own issues with inlaws/blood family. Just know we understand and are here for you to let it out.

It's such a double edged sword. I do the same thing......keep my complaints to myself. If I were to let my family know every little thing that makes me feel bad I'd be doing nothing but complaining. So, I try to keep my aches and pains to myself. Every once in a while I'll say something if it's gotten really bad. But if I kept them "up to date" on my condition they'd label me a hypocondriac!

It makes me feel worse to constantly be whining about something so I just suck it up and say nothing. But that can backfire when you really need your family to understand just how debilitating this disease can be. If they never see or hear the "bad parts" then we can't expect them to always be understanding.

Believe me, I understand where you're coming from. But I also remember "Pre-MS" when I probably wouldn't have been as patient and understanding as I am now when it comes to these issues.

Maybe I missed something but it sounded to me that her MIL was going out of her way to include everyone and come up with different strategies, albeit nothing that is an option for Jennifer, to include her in the family's festivities.

I don't think a MS package is all that enlightening for those without it. Be nasty and oppositional over the holidays and everyone loses, imo.

I have to say that if I had read your response right after this happened last night, I'd be rolling my eyes; however, I am more able to see her point of view. Still hurts a little, but I do see that there are so many shades of gray.

That's why I keep things to myself, too. I hate to sound like I'm whining or, like you said, a hypocondriac. You make a good point about it backfiring. I need to remember that.

My mom is one of those people who doesnt "get it", and she's got chronic conditions too that keep her from doing stuff. (COPD, spinal stenosis, bad knees)

She wants me and my dad to take her to the lighting ceremony downtown on Thanksgiving night so she can see the christmas lights on the Mall. She's ticked because we shot that idea down. My dad has a heart condition, and I've got the stupid MS. You'd think the fact that she cant walk more than a few hundred feet without having to stop would convince her that we're not going to walk around the Mall in the cold. (she expects that we'd be taking her wheelchair with us...and my dad, with the bad heart, would be pushing her)

I might be convinced to go to the christmas tree lighting ceremony at Union Station (now a museum) since it's inside and they have hot chocolate and an old fashioined soda fountain.

My dad was complaining about a health issue he has, and my mom has to one-up him. (she does the same to me too) She might have chronic problems, but she has a serious lack of empathy for problems other people might be suffering.

I have other relatives that are missing the empathy gene too, but I dont expect them to "get it", because I never talk openly with any of them about the MS. Because I'll get the crap about how tired they are, and be told "you dont know tired". (I'm pretty intimate with tired...I never sleep anymore and the current MS symptoms seem to suck energy out of me like a Wraith on Stargate Atlantis...for non SciFi fans, the Wraith are a lifeforce sucking creature. They use their hand on their victims chest to suck the life out of them. They're actually pretty cool for an evil, lifeforce sucking alien species)

I dont think I'll ever be able to transplant an empathy gene into my mom or many of my other relatives. I just try to ignore her, and hope she'll someday understand when I'm too tired (or too blind from a vision problem) to entertain her during the day.