Hey Craig - My brother told me a few months back that my mom is going down hill fast and I should visit soon if needed. I told him I had said my good-byes on my last visit-know only to me-didn't say it to my mother whom I have not been close to-so....

Have a wonderful vacation of a fantastic lifetime. You and your wife deserve the happiness you have prepared, and planned.

My only suggestion - Leave all cell phones back in USA!! It can WAIT.

My favorite time on the cruises - by the way - was getting up just before they rolled breakfast out onto the ship. Food was fabulous as was the sunrise with the new island rolling into sight. Its a trip of a lifetime. All other "life" CAN WAIT UNTIL YOU RETURN HOME.

ENJOY!

I agree with you 100% and that funerals are for the living. Enjoy your trip. Your mother would want you to have a wonderful time with your wife.

The responses to this question have all been overwhelmingly, 100% go for the vacation, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says. You all have substantiated my beliefs completely.

In communicating with my 4 other siblings I learned my older sister, who is Trust administrator and POA for my parents, had a long conversation with my younger brother, who is the executor and co-trust administrator. In that conversation she made it very clear, and agreed, I was not to be advised of my mother's current situation. Why? Because I was going on this vacation and she wanted nothing to negatively affect our enjoyment of the trip. That impressed me and if you knew the dynamics of our family, you too would be impressed by this compassionate consideration and thoughtfulness.

I have learned since the original posting, my Mom is expected to do better once some new meds kick in. It's one of those situations where the doctor's are giving their "best guess" on the situation. She could go today or be back to her "normal" within several days. Nobody can say for sure. (How many times have we all heard this in our own situations?)

The family all agree my Mom and Dad would say go on the trip and don't give them another thought. It's something I have no control over so don't allow it to have control over me. Live my life.

I appreciate how others have shared their final wishes so, if I may, would like to share mine with you all. Since my prognosis my wife and I have gotten all of our final documents and financial affairs in order. This includes working with an Elder Law Attorney, creating a Trust, Living Wills, Medical Directives, assigning powers of attorney, Trust administrators and executor.

I have it specifically written to donate whatever may be usable in organs, tissue, eyes and bone. Be cremated with my ashes placed in a Mickey Mouse cookie jar. No funeral or memorial, but a serious Life's Celebration to be held at a ballroom of the Hilton. Including an open bar, disc jockey because you play a better mix of music, and open mic for people to tell their stories, good or bad, about their experiences with me. This clever plan eliminates a low turnout due to being a "funeral" or worse, any inclement weather. We all know the weather has the greatest impact on a funeral's turnout and everybody loves a good party.

Afterwords my whole immediate family will take a 7 day Caribbean cruise, leaving some of my ashes on each island and the ship. Finish up with a 7 day stay at the Polynesian Resort in Walt Disney World, again leaving ashes at my favorite places. One stipulation though, no ashes left on the seat of the Dumbo ride. I don't want to be remove by some woman's butt from the seat. You see, this way I can be in all the places I like at one time.

The remaining ashes, if any, will be left in the Mickey Mouse cookie jar for my wife to keep where ever she wants. With this plan, everyone wins! Reading someone's intimate final wishes gives one an excellent insight into the "real person," don't you think?

Again, thank you all for sharing your comments of support and experiences. We will be having a wonderful time on our Hawaiian cruise.

With sincere gratitude and appreciation,

And, that's all I got to say.

Way to "go", Craig. You're an inspiration! I have my own plans, but can't rely on others to correctly carry through.

Wow....what a great plan. I'd love to have something similar. I've got a Will and have made my wishes known "legally"......after my DH passed suddenly I got a crash course in "life" and what needs to be taken care of prior to exiting this earth.

I want to be cremated, too, but my boys seems to think that's creepy. I'm just trying to save them some money. Plus, I think it's better all the way around. I don't like the thought of being put 6 feet under the earth. And a crypt is ridiculously expensive.

Maybe I'm in the minority but I just feel like all the pomp and ceremony of a lavish funeral is a huge waste of money. I'd rather my kids use that money to make their life better! Don't worry about me.....I know where I'm going and believe me, I'll be better off than all those left behind!

I remember how much $$ was spent on my DH's funeral and, while I'm not complaining and we were all blindsided by it and didn't have much time to consider the costs, in retrospect I would have done things much, much differently. Not all because of the money but mostly because his funeral was such a sad, sad affair. Looking back it seems like nobody wanted to remember all the good times and how he positively touched their life.

Craig -- your post answers everything that I wondered about. I wondered, mostly, if you not attending would affect future relationships with your siblings, and, if that mattered to you. (I don't know if I said that well in my previous post.)

Your siblings appear to understand very well, so it appears there are no problems. Go on your trip, and enjoy!

~ Faith

you inspire me. Thanks!

I too want to be creamated. I will be spread in the back woods of NC and then on the ocean tides of Newport RI. I want no head stone or marker for folks to show up to for crying later on. I will donate all donatable items and then allow this shell to become dust. A small memorial will be held for my husband, and his family. Anyone is welcome to share stories good or bad about me. If my family comes, they come, if they dont then again, they miss out.

I love the line about now wanting some womans butt to wipe you off the seat from the dumbo ride.

Go, enjoy! leave all your cares behind, and whatever will be, will be.

I don't feel like such an outsider now with my views of death and the "ceremonies" that are often done out of the guilt of the ones who are left behind. Looking back, I can clearly see how the funeral director played on my raw emotions during the planning of my DH's funeral.

Some might think this story is inappropriate to be labeled "funny" but looking back I can see that my DH absolutely had the last word in this situation.

I picked out a beautiful cherry wood casket....top of the line.....and enormously expensive. He would have come unglued had he been there and witnessed this decision.

Later that day I received a phone call from a very flustered funeral director. I could tell he needed to tell me something but wasn't sure how to go about it. I had no idea what was wrong.....had they done something to my DH? He finally told me that my DH would not fit into the casket I picked out! Try as they did they could not manage to get him into it! He was a big guy....not fat but just tall and muscular. I had to go back and agree to the only one they had that would accommodate him. It was an emotional experience and not at all comical at the time. But the more I thought about it....and after some time had passed and I had somewhat healed from the crushing grief of such an unexpected death......I can clearly see that he literally had the last word in this final monetary transaction! I knew he would have been appalled at how much $$ my choice had cost...and he let us all know in no uncertain terms that he was NOT going to go along with that! It was SO in keeping with his personality and need to be in charge.

I hope this story doesn't offend anyone. It's one memory that no longer causes me sadness anymore.

Ok that sounds like a great way to leave this world. I need to rethink my plans. I only wanted a funeral mass and then cremation with my ashes to be sprinkled on my yard and flowers that I have started from clay from day one. That sounds so boring now.

I need to at least have everyone go to the caribbean for a week long stay and toss some ashes into the waves and tropical flowers.

And anyone of us could go tomorrow so we should all be well prepared, regardless of our current health situation.