NO to couples counseling!

Yeah that one kind of threw me for a loop too. I figured she would be all about couples therapy.

But she made some very valid points. I need to continue doing what I have been doing for me. I need to claim my small victories.

And I need to live with the acceptance that he is moving out in June. I have found my acceptance and my rational and I need to keep them both. He says he wants to stay but he also said he wants to go and it seems he doesn't know what he really wants. Me allowing myself to think he is going to stay will only cause more harm if he decides to go.

HE needs counseling on his own to sort through all of his feelings and emotions. I need to continue with my therapy and only after we have both figured things out on our own will we be able to make a rational decision on where things stand between us.

That doesn't mean I have to be bitter and it doesn't mean I have to stop loving him. Now is a time when he will need my love and my strength but if he doesn't make the effort on his own to face his own problems he will never be able to handle our problems as a couple and I will never be able to forgive him or let him back in.

She recommends we both take time off and work on ourselves and if we decide that this relationship is something we both want and we both want to put forth the effort and the work, then and only then should we consider couples therapy to work through the past issues and try to figure out what triggers tham and how to handle them in the future.

Makes sense.

Sounds like darn sound advise. Protect yourself and DD, above all.

Sounds like great advice. You already know (knew) you'll be okay. Take care of yourself and your daughter. Everything else will fall into place.

So we went out on a date last night. Like an actual date. We went to a movie. We saw True Grit. I must say it is the first time I have ever seen Matt Damon take on a role that actually required acting. it was a pretty good movie.

So then... I told him what shrink said. Told him I agreed with her and he listened. We talked about him finding a shrink further north where he can go in the 3 hour break between classes and not have to drive all the way back down here to go to mine. He has agreed to give it a try. I told him a real try requires going regularly for two months minimum. At that time we will re-evaluate where we stand and we will talk about couples counseling.

So we will see. In the mean time, we have agreed to date and get to know one another again.

I have to agree that HE needs to control HIS issues, and allow you the space, time and comfort to deal with yours. He didnt turn this way the day he met you, and therefore shouldnt consider it a "relationship" issue. its a HIM issue and he needs the privacy and security of working on HIM and only him with a counselor that he isnt sharing. its about fixing him, which may or may not fix your relationship. Either way he has to stop being so self destructive.

Im so proud of you!