I had a tumultuous childhood, raised by my aunt and uncle, he was an abusive alcoholic, she was an abusive rage-a-holic who used a broomstick as a weapon. Somehow I always gravitated toward mom (aunt) and though we have had our ups & downs SHE WAS MY ROCK - MY ANCHOR! Estranged from the rest of my family (my choice & necessity) mom is all I have. 18 months ago as the MS progressed I moved in with her. Sure we had our rough spots but when the chips were down I knew mom would be in my corner.

In January she started having back pain; she broke her back over 18 years ago & occassionally had problems but this time the pain did not go away. Tests revealed she has 3 fractured vertabrae - no one knows how. She spent 8 weeks in hospital & rehab and I saw this woman become a shell of her former self. At one time she weighed OVER 400 lbs but in recent years maintained a healthly wieght now she is frail and bone thin her face is actually hollow.

Mom was only home 2 weeks when pain sent her back to the hospital now they say she has a spinal infection. She was hospitalized for a week & now will receive 8 weeks of daily antibiotics at home. She is not anxious to venture outside even when I offer to take her places, she is depressed and quiet and it is almost as if I can see a part of her fading away daily.

Yes, mom is 80 years old but I am not ready for her to leave yet I need to face that this is where we are heading. The fight & perserverance she always had is not there anymore it is as though she is giving up.

Am I wrong at age 50 to still need my mommy? I don't want to lose her & it is HER I don't want to lose I am not even thinking of the prospect of losing my home & so many other things when she passes but I AM NOT READY TO LET GO OF MY MOM! It is so sad to watch this once vibrant woman who up until 7 months ago volunteered 5 days a week & ran around like the energizer bunny now giving up.

I feel as though I am losing a part of her every day & I AM NOT READY! I am scared on so many levels of losing her.

Thanks for listening.

We all want to be loved by our mommies. Its a special bond that once created its a tough thing to break. Please appreciate and love and cherish this woman who took you under her wing. Let her know how much you love her. Read to her, watch TV with her, rent movies that she would like, fix her fav meals, or have take out with her. find reasons to giggle. Story tell about the past. Find out about her child hood, her struggles, her story. Who was her favorite friend in high school and why kinda stuff.

I envy your bond.

I don't think there ever is a time to be ready to let go.
It's such an awful time for you but my motto is, acknowledge how you are feeling, and then try to turn it around and make the most of the time left.

This is a new way to relate to eachother - the next phase in her life. She may be just plain tired of fighting. If you're there to support the 'new' Mom, in her new phase, she'll make it through with peace and happiness, and not a 'fight', but with acceptance.

I envy your bond too.
Enjoy your time together.

When my Mom died an older woman friend said "you're never old enough to lose your mother". As my own mother died, in her pain and delirium she called for her own Mama. It's been 35 years, I still remember every moment. Aw Peg, this is a tough time but nobody gets out of it happening. So sorry for you, feel your pain.

My advice is this: Tell her how much she means to you.
Don't let this chance slip away to tell her everything that is in your heart.

You can not control the march of time, and there is a chance that her pulling away is a sign of the natural death process. I do know that pain is a torturous thing. It can drain all life out of a person and is the one thing people will volunteer to die because of.

Your post brought a tear to my eye because I have walked in your shoes as far as the fear of losing your mommy. She is the security blanket that ties you to this life. Don't allow yourself any regrets.... be good to her and tell her how much she means to you. HUGE HUGE HUGE hugs to you

peg,

i'm sorry. i also can relate. i saw my 86 y/o aunt wilter away. my own, i believe, made the choice to give up and withdraw from life at 80. it was then that she started having some real physical problems.

tell your mom every day that you love her and what she has meant to you.

i don't want to take away from your emotional pain but, does she have a will?
does she have any papers that state her financial and medical power of attorney? does she have a living will? if she doesn't things will be so difficult.
if you can get her to think about these documents whatever comes next weil be so much easier, on both of you.

God bless you and your "mom". please keep in touch with us.