Thank you for all the well wishes. DH went thru something similar in the past, so he knows EXACTLY where this boy stands, and seems to have a calming effect that he doesnt stand alone. I think many men are abused and many dont report it, because its not the manly thing to do, or it will make you look weak.

He has cried alot. moped alot, and is wandering kinda lost. For today we will let him mope. Tomorrow is a whole new day and we are busy around here. no time for moping.

he has a new phone #. He unfriended her on all social accounts and Legs threw in a good slap at her. He has not given his new # to anyone but 2 of his closest friends who refuse to discuss it with him. They can talk about anything else, but she is off limits and they will hang on up him. We have been busy scrubbing, washing and deodorizing the heckpie out of his stuff. OMG! how do you not know you smell that bad? I chucked him in the shower, after taking pictures of his wounds. He is clean and full of momma food. That always makes the world a better place.

I think as long as he can keep stepping forward and not look backwards he will make it just fine into tomorrow. We keep telling him that his future is in front of him, not behind him. DH has been immearsurably helpful by having first hand knowledge and knowing what to say. I just see my little boy crushed and broken and it makes me want to get all slappy on this girl.

Abuse starts small. She moved him away from home (isolation) then started taking his money and wouldnt tell him how it was being spent. Bills started piling up and she gave him an allowance to spend for lunch at work. Bills kept piling up, and she still wouldnt answer as to why the lights are being shut off, and why she has a pretty new dress. He wasnt allowed to talk to his family or friends, and if he talked to a stranger it meant he was cheating. it escalated so that she was allowed to go out in the only car in the house, but he wasnt. He was left home alone while she straggled in at 3 am wasted drunk. So, bit by bit it built up and before you know it, she calls him stupid, worthless, and he starts to believe it because he has no social support to tell him otherwise. After a few years of this it can really mess you up. Male or female, its not a good space to be in.

He is out now, but his head is still messed up. I will make an appointment for him to see someone, and we need to replace half of his cat peed wardrobe. ICK! He has 3 pairs of jeans, and a handful of tshirts, and out of the dozens of pairs of boxers I sent, he has 4. 3 pairs of socks, and the rest is garbage!

Anyway, thanks for the prayers, and letting me come here to vent.

OMG if I could have reached thru my phone and slapped that stupid girl... I cannot believe the nerve she had!

For those who don't know she shows up on his FB account and starts posting stuff on his wall, like how everything was his fault. Then she went on to call him a stalker and say how she knows he is not in NH because her sister called him and talked to him.... How many stalkers do you know that run away to another state to get the H away from you??

OK, so she made me mad and I sniped at her. Lucky she isn't closer, I would use more than my words. DS may not have been raised to hit a woman but I was taught to fight dirty!

Women like her turn so many good men into cheating dogs.

she spent the better part of the day trying to get to him. Baiting him on facebook was only one tactic, and she admitted it on Facebook that she was baiting him to use it as evidence for a restraining order. She was blowing up his cell phone saying "i love you! we can work this out! please dont leave me here alone!" and then was all over facebook calling him a dirt bag, an abusive liar, a drunk, and a cheat. It was an awful show, and it really did show him both sides of her. He was amazed that she could type I love you on his phone, while saying such horrible things in public about him. We changed his cell phone #. he erased all info off his FB page, and unfriended her and all of her friends. He has yet to make a single response to her anger.

Sam stepped up as if she were my kin! she stood toe to toe like a blood sister would and gave this girl a peice of all of our minds. Im so proud of her! He needed someone to stand up for him, and it couldnt be me or it would have been "your mommy needs to speak for you!" so, having a friend do it was perfect!

So, this day is done. He has cleaned all of his cat peed on stuff. All his laundry is clean and put away. And he is reading the book "healing the sensitive heart" about how we allow others to hurt us, and steal our glory. REally good read. We shall pick up this fight another day, for I am sure the venomous snake isnt finished yet. She has no idea that he quit his job, so she wont be able to get him fired. He is free and clear of the charges that she was supposed to pay the fine, and he has it in writing that he has permission to leave the state. I spoke to his landlord today and he has no choice but to accept his "quit lease" due to domestic violence.

What got me was when I called the police to ask for a copy of the report, the female officer said "mam, how old is your son?" I said "he is 27." she said "he really needs to man up and call for his own report, dont you think?" I didnt miss a beat when I said "so, if I was calling about my 27 y/o daughter who was just violently attacked by her ex would you say the same thing? or is it because he is a male that you think he should "man up"??" she apologized for being insensitive and gave me the proper # to call tomorrow. How quick are folks to poke fun of a man who has been abused, when they would have offered all sorts of services to a woman. Really made me mad.

Poor sticky head :rolleyes: both Dejibo and Legz after her!!! :eek: Remind me not to get on either of your bad sides! :D
http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b5...background.gif

Dej, something just occurred to me... Does this "sticky" head have his SS#? If she has ever snooped through his papers/wallet...she might.

Just remind him to keep looking forward through the windshield and to quit peeking in the rearview mirror.... SHE is not worth the view.

:hug:

Hiya Dej :). I'm in a similar situation as your son. He definitely needs to realize on his own that he needs to be free of her, not only to heal from this but also to keep from getting involved with a another woman with the same 'issues'.

It will take a while for him to get his self esteem back and get rid of all the guilt he may feel. I'm working in that myself right now and it ain't easy. Many :hug:s and prayers headed your way.

He swears she doesnt know his SS # that it was never written on his check, but due to her mismanagement and his fathers mismanagement of his affairs before her, his credit score is something like 420 anyway. it will take some rebuilding, and I just threw him on my lifelock policy, so if anyone uses it we get notified first.

he seems better this morning. I put him on my car insurance, and then let him run off to hock some items that he salvaged from the mess. he is also looking forward to some quiet alone time in the car. that was always my refuge was sitting in my car driving along the road and letting my head recalculate my life.

He is trying to read the "healing the sensitive heart" book, and I put him on several websites to show him that he was indeed a victim of abuse. She isolated him, took his money, belittled, and critized him constantly, lied to him, brought men home, was a drunker, and was putting her hands on him to control his behavior. so, he met the criteria of an abuse victim in several catagories. I am setting him up with some counsel, a mentor from the church, and so.

Thank you for the prayers. they are most useful.

I'm so glad he's at home now, Dej. While I've never had to experience this myself or through my children I can imagine how heartbreaking it is.

I'm so glad he's reading the books and taking charge of his life. I just cannot fathom what makes some people so cruel. Maybe it was the way they were raised.....maybe it's a chemical imbalance.....maybe they're just plain mean. I don't know but I do know that it cannot be healthy or safe to be around them.

I wouldn't trust her one iota and even when he feels it's "safe" I hope he keeps his guard up because she'll be waiting for him to relax so she can pop up when she's least expected to.

It would be very hard for me to watch my child be mistreated in any way. But it's got to be very hard for him because, just like that police dispatcher, there is a preconceived notion that a man who is abused is weak. And that's just not true.

Maybe he can become involved in something that helps other victims of domestic abuse and that can make him feel empowered and less alone in this.

I hope he can realize that it's her....not him. Here's a :hug: for him and you, too.

I've been thinking about your son, Dej. How is he doing? I hope he's keeping the 'no contact' rule. I'm still praying for him :hug:.

Thank you for asking.

he has applied for 6 jobs so far.
He has broken down all of the boxes in my basement and recycled the ones the needed to go to the dump.
He has kept to the NO contact rule with sticky head.
He met a nice girl at the pharmacy at walmart, and they went to see a movie yesterday with a NO dating rule. He really just needed to go do something.
Went to the fair today, and he was very patient with me as I stumbled in the heat, and on the uneven ground.
He stripped down one of my painted cabinets and repaired my boo boo.
He got a fishing license today and is going to go out with the church boys fishing on Saturday. He will be helping the young ones learn.


He seems to be coming out of the trance she had him in. #1 he is very malnourished. #2 he lived a very isolated life imposed by her. #3 he never got to make choices with his own money. its been good to see the light starting to return to his face. He has a new phone number, and removed 30 folks off his facebook page that kept or refused to break contact with his ex. The landlord told him that he is OFF the lease officially, and considers him a prior tenant paid in full.

Its a slow process as he has been held prisoner for years, and its going to take some baby steps to bring him home again. One thing is that he is having trouble sitting quietly and learning how to just be with himself. He is trying to keep every second of every day active and blasting with stuff. At some point he will have to slow down and hear himself. For right now, I dont think he knows how to. He is dreaming of future things like a car, a home, maybe someday a pet of his chosing, or even the ability to go on vacation. We threw away most of his ratty old cat peed on clothes and momma got him new stuff.

He is like a burn victim. you have to be very careful how you touch him, or its painful. For now, we are focusing on rebuilding a good foundation by surrounding him with good people, who are upbeat, honest, trustworthy, kind and God minded. his ex was into all sorts of weird worships that scared him more than a bit, so just getting a safety circle going is helpful.

He said thanks for the prayers, it helps to know so many are cheering for him.