No, not hurt myself or anything. I just want to be somewhere all by myself or by only happy people that wiil hug me, give me unconditional, non judegemntal love. I want to be able to talk to some one who will let me talk and them just listen. I want to go some place serene and have some one care for me. I want to be bale have a voice, be respected for what I say because I have the right to say it. It may be different from another feels about it but so what. I want to speak with out being interrupted. I don't want people to just take form me, things like my emotions, or what I can give to give. I want to be given to. I want to go see my mother in law becsue I want to, not because I am told to or because it is expected of me. I want to be able to pick a restruant not told this is where we are going. I want to be able to have a say in what time instead of we are leaving at this time. I want to be able to eat at 6 if I want and not know that it is going to be 5 o'clock. I want to be able to go into a place to eat and not have to leave if we aren't waited on in 5 minutes or if he thinks it is to cold even though he is wearing a heavy quilted jacket and hat in 100 degree weather. I want to be able to go down to enjoy my nice family room and not have to sit in the dark while I watch TV to make it feel like we are in a movie theatre. I want to sit in my family room, shoot sit in the living room upstairs and not have to listen to someone beating and beating and beating the Wii remote on a table over and over because his tennnis game isn't going as he wants it to. I don't want to have to sit and cry when he gets mad and not listen to him baning on the furniture in out bedroom or hit and hit until something finally smashes and breaks though. I want to know that if my boss gives me a crystal vase for working 25 years that it won't be thrown and broken. I want to be able to take a drive/vacation with some one who will talk to me and not cuss at every every driver who he sees or at every stoplight that isn't long enough or last to long.

I want to just check out for a month

Just my opinion but I believe that the "someone" you're talking about needs to read this.

A divorce attorney can make your wants a reality.

doydie, I agree with Kitty.

I think you need to communicate your feelings, concerns, frustrations and hurt to that person. Change can be difficult but it is possible. Maybe you need to start making those changes so you don't need to feel you have to go away or go and find what you ned from someone else

Doydie, I'm so sorry. I don't know if your husband has always been this way, or if he has something medical going on, but you are in an abusive relationship, and there is nothing wrong with wanting (needing) to get out. If his uncontrollable temper hasn't manifested itself in physical harm to you yet, it will. Get some help. Do what you need to do. Don't wait until it's too late. Got your back, prayer-wise.

Doydie,

Everything that you want is reasonable. You should be loved, cherished, listened to and have some alone time.

ANN

Sounds like you are at your wits end Doydie.

I wouldn't want to visit his Mother, she raised a spoiled chauvinist pig. If, after all these years he hasn't learned your needs, I wouldn't hold my breath. It aint gonna happen.

Tell him that you'd like to take separate vacations this year. Tell him, it's up to him whether it's permanent or not.

I did read this to him after he came upstairs to let me know that it was getting close to time to leave to go to Bob Evans. (It was 4:15, Bob Evans is 5 minutes away. I had got off the phone with Virgin Mobile and I know that my problems are making my other frustrations even more acute. So I am trying to tell about this phone call, tears streaming donw my face over my phone problems. He is just telling me I just need to put those feelings away and go on. Get over it he says. So I picked the laptop, while I am saying a silent prayer for God to give the words and attitude to be gracious. I do read this to him. without me even finishing it he tells me that I just need adivorce. For over 35 years anytime there is anykind of confrontation in his eyes, he has one statement that is constant, I'm just going to go downtown on Monday and file for divorce'. He day of at that time was every Monday. So our girls were hearing that constantly. I think the grew to ignore it because we knew that was never serious. So as tears were still srteaming I told him I just needed to be held and let me cry until there were no more tears, just be there in his arms and let him hold me. So he says you know we haven't been intimate in several years. So I told him intimacy wasn't the same thing as just holding some one who is hurting and let them feel comfort. I had been out today and passed a funeral home. I actually felt like going inside nad talking to some one there because I knew that some one wold just hold me.

OK, this is going to be long. Hold on for the bumpy ride

Here is waht I am dealing with. I have been having a lot of trouble with my cell phone just going dead on me anytime, I can take it off the charger in the morning after using it to see what time it is first. I go to the bathroom, do all the morning cat stuff and then get dressed and take the phone off the charger. Takeit in the living room and click the ohone on to see if there are any messages, etc. The phone will be dead. !00% charge but dead. It will be dead while I am out somewhere. No warning, just dead. I had already had problems with the SD card in that the phone wouldn't recognize it was in the phone. After 5 different cards I finally got one that the phone would recognize. So because of the ohone going dead issue I called and the only thing they could do because it is over one month was to send a replacement phone. So I got it, called yesterday to get it activated. The phone mail system is terrible to navigate through. You get computer voice every move you make and then the computer voice finally gives ujp on me not giving the responsed it wants and gives me a live eprson,. A live person with an accent that is very difficult for me to understand. So i get this guy that after several attempts we get going on the activation process. My mond and fingers were not moving as fast as his competer was so i guess he got frustrated wil me. I will know really know becasue he hung up on me. One minute he was there, the next he wasn't So after I sat in shock I try again. Navigate through the voice mail finally computer gets frustrated with me and gives me to a person. This one was a very nice, patient young lady that got the job done. She told me I would need to wait a couple of hours to be able to use it. So after I waited a couple of hours I turn it on and try to go through the whole process of adding all the apps, phone book etc. After a while of doing that I decide to do something that I didn't have to re-add which was the camera. Guess what,it didn't recognize the SD card. I take it out and reinsert it. Same message. So i take the one out of the old phone and try it. Same message. So now I am really disgusted. I don't want the ohone, i don't want the company, I want to cacel everything and even though it has been longe than 1 month I ant my money back. OH boy. You wold think I was trying to get the gold out of Fort Knox. So back to the phone mail/phone jail. I ahd learned by now when you call them just dn't click on any button or ate any command and the cmputer gets frustred real easy and just gives up. The first person of course has to know who I am, phone nuber, passwrodd, everything. Tell ihim what i want, why. Nope, non can do. Your ohone is old. OLD! it is 90 days old. After going round and round with me he switches me to another department. Same thing. I can't seem to get them to understand what I mean by supervisor because everytime I ask them tp get one, right up front, I don't get one. So i finally get sent to the cancellation department. I tell my entire story again. Trying to get them to understand that this isn't just a situation that i want to cancel my acount and get my money back because the phone went out of style. I want my money back because I had been lied to, hung up on, been issued 4 different SD cards, 2 phones and it still doesn't work. So i asked to speak to HIS supervisor. Sorry he is the highest.So i asked him if he was the boss. He said that he was the highest. I asked to be switched to another depertment and talk to their supervisor. he siad he didn't know any other dpertment at Virgin Mobile. He was the only department. OK, So I had already talked to activation department, techical support department, customer care department and cancellation department. he said he didn't not know of those departments. So iask him if he is the owner of Virgin Mobile. OH no, am ot the owner. So there is a higher department. No I am the highest. I am sos os os frustrated by now, my hea is pounding ecery time you are put on hold they have this loud jazz and everythome they finish they say this very polite statement 'Maam is there anything else I can do for you at this time?' When you are talking to a very digruntled customer who no longer wants to be a customer, why ask that? So i asked him just to cancel the account and I told him that in order to keep him from making that statement that instead I was just going to say ' I am terminating this conversation'. The last thisng I said is please conacel my account and good by. So last night I went to the Virgin Mobile website and saw that there was a little thing I could click on that said contact us. So I found and filled in all the boxes that asked for name, phone ,numer, passpwrd, and category of message then gave me a box to wrtie my message. So i go over the same thing and clicked on submit. To my wonderment I got a message that said thie URL does not exist I tried again this morning on another computer and got the same statement. So a compalint box that doesn't send your complaint. So this afternoon I got a call from them. Now we are going somewhere!!!!1 Yippe skipee! That little complaint box really is OK, Some one is answering me. No it was some one wanting to make sure I sent back the old origianl phone. Waht a let down. So he asked the same odl question manager ask the associates to say before completing the call. so i told him about the web sites 'contact me' thingy really isn't there. The poor guy. he should get some sort of medal. He asked what I was trying to contact them about. So he said that he knew of a department who might be able to help. He would get the department on the line himself, stay on the line with me until I was actually speaking so some one. So I am talking to custumer care agin. She gave me the same answer as everyone else had done before him. When he drewmy name and number up on his trusted computer he told me that my account had not been calncelled!!!! So now I am not sane at all anymore.I do not cuss, I do not yell, scream, anything like that. Maybe I shold. I just got mad. I asked him if the guy last night was just pretending to canel my account but didn't so he could collect my payment himself every month. So I told him I wanted it cancelled cancelled and cancelled. Sorry Maam, my computer does not allow me to do that. Only the cancellation department cand o that So begrudgingly I got sent over again to that department. All this lady did was try to convince me nt to cancel. Do I know that my phone wn't work? Do I know that I will no longer have that phone number? Do I know that I will not have a wrking cell phone? Yes, of course, what doesn cancel my account mean? So after asking me the same questions a couple mroe times to make sure I was really aware of that and that was what I really wanted she asked me again if I didn't want another phone sent to me. So then she has the audacity to tell me that i a cojuple of days I owould be getting a survey in the mail and would I please let them know that she satisfactolity fullfilled my request.

So that was what had been going on right as my husband walked up the stairs and told me thatt we needed t be ready in a few monutes to get to a place that waq 5 minutes away to eat earlier tha usual then go to the nusing home to see hsi mom because he likes for me to go with him so she will have somee one to talk to since he doesn't talk to her!!!!! after we talked, or rather I talked, he stared at the TV, I was crying so much and he says I guess you won't feel like going over there tonight. I'll call and tell her we are coming tomorrow.

OK, I'm done. he is gone. He is going to pick up his Moms meal from Bob Evans and go by himself. i guess it won't take him that long over there since I'm nt with him to tak to her. I need chocolate

Doydie, you've got a lot of patience.

Have you suggested counseling to him? I'm at a loss as to what to suggest. Maybe someone at your church could recommend someone.....even if it's just you going. Somehow I get the feeling he doesn't think anything is his fault.

One tome when our youngest daughter's school was trying to get us to put her on Ritalin I took her to a phsychologist to see if she really needed. of course she didn't. That's the school system . But he talked to her and us seperately. After talking to him he suggested that he see him or a psychologist of his choice routinely. He definitely had a control issue.But of course the doctor was stupid, didn't know where in the wolrd a man like that would get a degree when all he was was a caring father and he would stay that way because he loved his girls.

And yes, I am a very patient person. has gotten me into some difficult positions. I was known as the nurse who could stay calm in most situations. I was always given the more difficult new nurses to orient for 12 weeks. Yes, I had to do it and stay calm for 12 weeks. But it is a trait that I have taught my girls.
The older one is very patient and also very gracious. The younger one has a little more of her Dads' personality just controls her anger more and is very tolerant and even many times an advocate for people who are not the norm, such as different races, homosexuals, immigrants, any one who looks or acts different. She brings the best out of them nd shows them that she is their friend for lift in any situation. So our girls have grown up to be good adults.

When my husband came home form the nursing home he was very patient with me. He knew I was fragile. I had been very tempted to go out as soon as he left the house and stay out for ours. But that woujld not be a mature adult and I wanted to show him I am mature. So when he got home I had tried to make sure my face was all clean of tears, rested and ready to go out. he said we could go anywhere I wanted, promised that we would stay no matter how cold he felt. Well I felt like that with what my mood was I wanted something simple, very simple. I wanted a hot dog! Maybe it reminded me of my childhood and my parents love. so we went to GD Ritzies. I knew that had to be a rel comprimize for him to go there. He didn't even realize they had a good hot dog. So we went, enjoyed it, calmly talked. So now he is spening the evening watching the Republican convention and I am watching So you think you Dance. Happiness!!!