Many of you have brought me great joy! (long)

Vegasgrl · 02-01-2008, 02:31 AM

Greenjeans - Someone said your post was very brave and it was, I'm glad you found a good doctor. Best of luck!

Teresa

Snoopy · 02-01-2008, 06:43 AM

greenjeans, do what you have to do for yourself and know you can always talk to us. I am very happy you do not have MS.

Traumatic and psychological events can cause neurological symptoms along with other health issues. I'm proud of you for seeking the help of a Psychiatrist but understand putting the past behind you might be a very difficult process.

Something else you might look into is Post-Traumatic Stress disorder (PTSD).

I do believe you - your symptoms have been very real and I really hope you find peace of mind and body

Quote:

Originally Posted by greenjeans

I'm so moved by all the affectionate comments! Someone said "You just have friends with MS!" and that person was right on! So I wanted to say that despite the fact I do not have MS, I do have many friends with MS

and I'm grateful for each and every one of you! Thank you for lifting me up like this!

I want to share with this board something I learned today, and ask all to lend me their ear for a moment.

This is very hard for me, because as you can imagine, having symptoms that mimic MS is very disturbing to say the least. What is most odd about it, is that I had the symptoms when I found all of you. I didn't get the symptoms because I read about it here. In fact, many times I would read things you were going thru, and think, hmmmm...not me...but, I have all the main symptoms!

I want everyone to understand how one gets here, and some may need to hear me out more than others, because I don't think I'm the first, or last person to experience something like this, and some may need to consider this for themselves before you spend thousands of dollars on the wrong doctors.

What we like to hear is that it's not in our heads, its not an emotional response to something in our lives. For most of you, this is true...for a small percentage of us...I'm afraid it is very true. I did go numb, I did have vertigo, and it was all very real.

I won't go into great detail, but will share that starting 12 years ago, something horrible happened, that was followed by 2 more horrific events in my life and that of my DD and DH. Over the past year I've not been able to maintain employment, and then my last job crushed me emotionally. This is when these sx appeared. Looking back, I went numb when I was job searching and realized I would be competing with teenagers for crappy jobs

Long story short, I've gone through devistating things for which I was "STOIC" (remember my thread the other day? I'm not a hypocondriac, I'm the stoic one) During these events, I was the one who held my family together...I was the strong one for my DH and DD. Someone had to be and I'm not one to let anything get in my way. They needed me and I was there.

Well, here I am, years later knowing that these things are only tucked away to avoid the pain. The desire to keep going for the love of my family has led to something I didn't understand. What I realize today is that 'little jeannie' needs to heal now. I'm not crazy, I'm just deeply hurt by these unfortunate things that happened to me and my family. Death would have been better during those times.

I searched the internet today (hehe) and found an actual name for what I've gone through. Its called CONVERSION DISORDER.

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx43.htm

Its just chronic and massive depression. I guess I've been depressed so long, I didn't even know how bad I was and it began to come out physically.

Its fair to say that I'm feeling kind of depressed about this today

LOL! However, it's theraputic to write these words, to finally say it to someone outloud and alert others that you may be following my path.

I've done research and think I've found a really good Psyciatrist to put this all behind me. I'll be making the call in the morning. I want my life back before I'm too old to enjoy it, or dead.

In the meantime, I would love to drop in now and again and share the laughter and fun that is here, and maybe share with you my success in treating my monster. I may not be around as much as I was, but good habits die hard

and good friends are also hard to lose.

I'm going to tell my DH tonight, who by the way loves me deeply and would do anything to see me healthy and happy. I know when I say it outloud to him, he will get it totally, and he will be there for me supporting me all the way. Our deep love will see us through.

Again, thanks so much for being so kind to me when it would have been easier to dismiss me. Bad things happen to good people and I can count myself in that population. I guess what is not fair,is I can be healed and you can't...I pray that for all of you.

Well, guess I've rambled long enough! I'll be back after I've had some time to put things together better!

Love to all

OH! And whats a little politics between friends

EDIT: One other possible dx is http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx94.htm I guess they are pretty much the same thing...

Riverwild · 02-01-2008, 11:40 AM

Greenjeans,

That was a well thought out post. Your followup was also a good one!

I understand the need to work on what is happening with you. I just want you to know that despite your not having MS (which is a GOOD thing!) you can still come in and talk! We are here to listen and no one is going to toss ya out the door!

You have contributed a lot to the discussions on this board and I for one hope you will stop in and see us sometime!

Good Luck!!

sugarboo · 02-01-2008, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snoopy

[SIZE=4]
Traumatic and psychological events can cause neurological symptoms along with other health issues. I'm proud of you for seeking the help of a Psychiatrist but understand putting the past behind you might be a very difficult process.

Something else you might look into is Post-Traumatic Stress disorder (PTSD).

I do believe you - your symptoms have been very real and I really hope you find peace of mind and body

Thank you snoopy

You are absolutly right. I have alot of work to do. About 5 years ago I saw a doctor who said I had PTSD, and I laughed at her. I said "Ya THINK?"<grin> and never went back.

I have failed to contine my prozac, but more importantly, I guess I need to release these terrible things in therapy, and stop blaming myself. I even prayed to God and told him to take all my blessings and give them to my DD. That I could take the pain, just give her a good life. Well, I was wrong. How can I be there for anyone if I can't be there for myself? Poor me

LOL!

I found a better description of this disorder at the Mayo Clinic:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/con...877/DSECTION=2

What I have to say about this for anyone experiencing this is that if your MRI is not indicitive of MS, your LP is clear, your blood work is fine and your VEP's are normal...you have to look at this.

I know how hard it is to accept, I'm there. But when I finally told my DH this morning, he got a big smile, hugged me, and said "THANK GOD WE KNOW NOW". He asked if I was going to get help, and I told him I'd already picked a doctor.

I don't want to over write this subject so I'll close here...except to answer one other who said 'don't feel sorry for us'....I want you to know I don't feel sorry for any of you, what I am, is in awe of how you have all coped with it and still have love, laughter and happiness in your life. You are all very special people and a fine example of overcoming adversity in your life. I applaude each of you!

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