Y'all are such a smart bunch of people. I don't even know if I can add anything to this thread. What great advice from everyone!!

I don't know the specific situation here . . . but besides all the great advice that has been given already, the one thing that comes to mind to me is that sometimes people are very ashamed to admit when they are too "weak" to react.

It may very well be that she is over-dramatizing, or even adds fuel to the fire (who could live with a drama queen like that anyway?), but it also may very well be that he is abusive. Perhaps she is now ashamed to admit that she hasn't the gumption to leave, so she is down-playing it to save face.

The part that angers me in this type of situation, is that they play the "victim" so well, REPEATEDLY. I want to try to offer advice because I care about their situation, but also because under normal circumstances (where people NEED and value the advice) there are things that should be done to rectify the issue. If a "help" post is left on a forum without people adequately addressing it, it can't be helpful to those who might do something if given the right advice.

Not sure if that made sense . . . but as an example, if someone is talking about being beaten, I would write my response to meet the needs of the "general viewing public" on the board. Even if my advice doesn't help that person, maybe it could help someone else who is watching. Doing this over and over again though, for the same person, is very exhausting. It is very hard not to just say "get a life" after a while.

It sounds like you are being censored though, so you have a couple of choices. You may have to make decisions on whether you even want to stay in that kind of environment and/or, if you can ignore the poster in the future . . .?

Cherie

Thanks everyone for all your wonderful insights and advice.

I have calmed down quite a bit. whew ok....I'm good now.

Sometimes a person just needs to vent their frustrations, it's part of being human.

As others have said, we can never allow an experience like this to cause us to stop helping others.

It definitely won't stop me from helping other people. I am just a little more cautious!

Isn't that classic victim behavior? Ask for help but then justify the actions because you are so blindly in love that you feel the need to defend the abuser. It makes no sense to me, but you see it happen over and over.

Edited to say - finished reading all the responses...glad you're not letting it get to you anymore. There's nothing that anyone can do.

The thing that strikes me is that it's so very, very sad.

Well, just finished reading this all. Bethie~ there's one thing I know for sure, and that is~ you truly are a GOOD person. I agree w/how you feel. It hurts to be constantly "reeled" in by someone who is desperately asking for help, only to find out they don't really want the help and are only seeking attention.

Meanwhile, everyone except the victim is upset, worried and praying. It's very very sad. Don't give it another thought. You can't help someone who won't or doesn't want to help themself.

No, Beth, you're not the only one who sees this. I was getting pretty fed up about a page before you.

New audiences can do wonders for egos that need stroked.

Now, we can sit back and wait for the Stem Cell Martyr to reappear. That is, if she is not in the middle of another horrific relapse but suddenly has a miraculous recovery just in time to go to Norway to bring in the New Year.

I was a victim myself. Over and over....for 10 years. I had a physically violent ex husband who not only beat me, but almost destroyed me emotionally as well.

Why did I stay for 10 years? I was just too scared to leave. He threatened to kill me if I tried, and I believed him. I was that afraid of him. Why didn't I ever tell anyone? I was too ashamed. How did I expain all the black eyes and bruises? I was accident prone.

When I did finally leave that violent mariage.....after 10 years of bashings, total loss of self esteem and in fear for my life, only one girlfriend stood by me. Every other one of my friends deserted me, and every single member of my own family deserted me. How you you possibly leave such a wonderful man, I was asked over and over again. No-one knew what he was like because I had never told anyone what I was going through.

When you're really going through it Beth, you don't go on and on like your friend has done. You put up and shut up like I did, or you just run which is what I finally did........ without telling anyone at all. There really is no in between.

That has been very difficult for me to tell you all my story, because although it's been over 20 years since that @#$%&# and I got divorced, it still makes me cry and have nightmares everytime I tell my story. Although I now have the most wonderful, loving, gentle husband in the world, the fear is still there 20 years later. That type of pain never goes away.

You know what Koala, there is something to be said for the silent victim which you most definitely are/were. There is also the "cry wolf" victim.

Two very different cases. Those who suffer in silence are the ones who are victimized the most, the ones who are abused the worst. The people who constantly cry out for help, ask for advice, take advantage of their friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, anyone who will listen are also victims, but they are also the people who are in situations that they don't want to get out of. There is a difference. They are handed opportunities time and time again, but refuse to see the way out.

I had a friend who is like this. She is a doctor. She was married to an abusive man who beat her more than once. Everytime she called me for help, I would jump on a plane and go to her rescue because I always believed that "this would be the last time." You know how many last times there were? Too many. He put her in the hospital, put her kids lives in jeopardy, tried to kill her. Took all her money, committed fraud, numerous felonies, and still she wouldn't see the light. Finally, when the feds came and arrested him and hauled his butt off to prison, she got it!! He spent 5 years in a federal prison. During that time, she found out all the felonies he had committed against her. Her credit was shot, she lost her house, all her money, the story goes on, but I was there to bail her out because she had 2 kids.

One day I finally said no more...it was when I needed help. She could not be bothered to return the favor...the friendship was not a two way street.

There are different kinds of abuse and victims. The silent ones who take it until they can't take it anymore, and the cry wolf ones who can leave but won't. It's not that they can't, they think they can't. You're right, it's a self esteem problem. They are afraid. But when they've been offered a way out that's safe...more than once............