[Natalie8]

Yesterday I found out my brother and his wife Anne are getting divorced after 14 years of marriage. They've got 4 amazing kids whom I love to pieces. I don't have my own kids so they were the family I wouldn't have. My brother and Anne tried marital therapy for 2 years but still couldn't resolve things. I knew there were some problems but I didn't think it would come to this - -they always looked like the perfect family. And the rest of my family is completely crazy/dysfunctional so they were my only life boat in a sea of terrible dysfunction and now they are breaking up.

I'm so very sad...I feel like I have lost a family member even though she is not related by blood of course. I've only been married for a year -- it hurts to see a marriage break up and I start thinking, wow if they couldn't make it work than who knows what will happen? And then you think, wow, 50% of marriages end in divorce. What is the protocol...how do you navigate ex - sister-in laws etc.? Anne and I will stay in touch we've decided but it still won't be the same.

[Twinkletoes]

Well, that's just the pits! Sorry, Natalie.

[Erin524]

She's still family. She's related to you thru her kids and your brother. You can still call her a sister-in-law, even if she's no longer married to your brother. She's not divorcing the kids is she?

[Curious]

it's hard natalie.

when i got divorced, i lost everyone i had been close to since i was 16. they were more family to me than my own. when my X got remarried, she made sure no one had contact with me. i have since reconnected with a few, since he got divorced again. but 15 years was a long time to make up.

no matter what, stick to your guns. keep the friendship and sisterhood going. it's the best thing for the kids. any new in-laws that come along will just have to take it in stride that this is the way the family is.

btw...things are so different now, since my x got rid of the wicked woman. my husband and i have even had him over for holidays. i have gone to lunch with him and his new girlfriend. we are all family. we have 4 kids together and a grandson.

[MSacorn]

I'm sorry to hear your news. Maybe my experience can help.

My sister was married in 1999, and they took custody of his teenage niece, we'll call her J. She considers both of them her "parents". So they are gram/gramp to her kids now. My siblings and I consider her our niece even now, we are aunts/uncles.

They've since divorced and both remarried. A few weeks back J had a princess b-day party for her 2 girls. All sides of the family attended. Her biological mom and step dad. Her grams on her biological parents side of the family. My sister and her hubby, my other sister, my dad, my sisters x-hubby and wife and kids, his parents.

It was such a strange family get together and absolutely no tension. My sister and her ex each run their own businesses out of the same location and have for over a decade.

As with all relationships you get out what you put in. Although it is a painful time for you and the family. Keeping the lines of communication open is definitely worth the investment. IMHO.

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