FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Today's Posts |
|
The Stumble Inn The place for social chat for our M.S. community. |
Reply |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
|
08-19-2008, 01:52 AM | #1 | |||
|
||||
Member
|
Relationship between DD18 is strained w/ me and DH. She is good kid. HS graduate. Was honor roll student; swam for nine yrs.; in school band; respected leader (by peers and adults) in youth group.
Does not feel supported by us. Has been distancing herself from us for years. Has attitude problem. Is leaving in Nov. to do voluntary service for 7-8 months. Rebuilding homes in Gulf States. Wants to move out. Peers much more important to her than family. Has decided that she will continue to try to work things out at home fo remaining 3 months. For now. I'm thinking about doing one thing per day to let her know I love her. Don't have many ideas.
~ Faith
__________________
aka MamaBug Symptoms since 01/2002; Dx with MS: 10/2003; Back in limbo, then re-dx w/ MS: 07/2008 Betaseron 11/2003-08/2008; Copaxone 09/2008-present Began receiving SSDI 11/2008 |
|||
Reply With Quote |
"Thanks for this!" says: | Dejibo (08-19-2008) |
08-19-2008, 04:43 AM | #2 | |||
|
||||
Grand Magnate
|
I don't know the particulars, but having raised a daughter, I do feel for you ..Sounds like she's growing into a really good person! At 18, she needs to distance herself from mom & dad so she can start making a life of her own. With my daughter (and my mom when I was that age), the best thing I found was to talk and tell my daughter openly and honestly how I felt, that I loved her and was proud of the person she was becoming..She started seeing me as an actual human being () and I started seeing her as a responsible adult..
Like I said, I don't know the details, but I know you'll work it out in a way that works best for you..Just follow your heart!
__________________
. |
|||
Reply With Quote |
"Thanks for this!" says: |
08-19-2008, 05:00 AM | #3 | ||
|
|||
Senior Member
|
((Faith)) When I read your post it sounds like she is a normal young woman trying to spread her wings. You have done a wonderful job with her. In an odd way I think teenagers might distance themselves from their parents in part to make the separation that will soon be taking place easier. She is going to do a great thing so definitely be supportive even though you will miss and worry about her.
I'd suggest giving her a handwritten note. Doesn't have to be anything elaborate but just a "thinking of you". My Mom sent me a small album of my baby pictures when I was about your DDs age, mostly with my favorite critters of course, and for some reason that was very touching to me even at that rough time. You could look for a book with information on the places where she will be doing the charity work etc. Hang in there.
__________________
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion. Anonymous |
||
Reply With Quote |
"Thanks for this!" says: |
08-19-2008, 05:52 AM | #4 | |||
|
||||
Senior Member
|
Faith,
It truly does sound as if your daughter's a normal child going through the distancing that goes with growing older and getting ready to be an adult. I feel for you, however. It's not easy having that happen when you want to maintain a close relationship with your child. Perhaps one thing that you can do to help her feel supported and know she's loved would be to support her in HER endeavor. You don't want her to leave with hard feelings, but you may not be able to prevent that. Unless your relationship is truly terrible, I doubt that she's going to cut you off. So be as supportive as you can of her going to do what it is that she's choosing to do. See if she needs anything for the time. Help her research what she will need or is likely to need. Don't be negative about it--be positive. Try to work up some genuine enthusiasm. Help her pack to go and slip some personal notes in with her things. By supporting her endeavor you are telling her that you believe in her and her choices. What a way to tell her you love her without words. Of course, you can say the words and do other little things while you're waiting. Hang in there. Sounds like you have a good kid on your hands. Give her time to realize that you are a human with feelings too. If she doesn't realize it now, she probably will by the time she's in her 20s!
__________________
A Hairy Chicken Is Better Than A Hairy Hand! |
|||
Reply With Quote |
"Thanks for this!" says: |
08-19-2008, 06:47 AM | #5 | |||
|
||||
Magnate
|
Oy...
I remember me at that age! Mom, I am so sorry. My dd is going through the same thing with dh and me. She's staying at her brother's apartment, helping him watch the baby (he finally got his own place! YEAH!) and starting college. With boys, it seems they never really cut the apron string - you almost have to move and not leave a forwarding addy. With girls though, is it ever not a bloody mess? Every girl I know had the same time. The apron string cutting time - some time in the teens or twenties - when they pulled away from mom and dad. It hurt everyone badly, mom, dad and daughter, but it was for the best. And it all came out okay. If you were okay up until lately, you will be okay again. I can say this even as a mom feeling the same concerns - will she hate me forever? Is she ruining her life? Deep down, I know she knows I love her, and she loved me once, she'll always love me even if she hates me.
__________________
Anybody who doesn't think a dog can smile has never dropped a piece of bacon. |
|||
Reply With Quote |
"Thanks for this!" says: |
08-19-2008, 07:26 AM | #6 | |||
|
||||
Senior Member
|
I really agree with Gazelle. I think the quickest way to grow closer to someone is to take a genuine interest in what they are doing and really support their efforts. I think your DD will see you in a whole new light if you really support her and help her in her venture in the Gulf.
I, too, distanced myself from my mom when I was her age. You know what happened? As soon as I really moved away, I couldn't call her enough and we grew closer again.
__________________
Dx: CNS Demyelinating Disease (2005) Take me back to days full of monkeyshines Bouncin' on a bubble full of trouble in the summer sun Keep your raft from the riverboat Fiction over fact always has my vote And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been... Jimmy Buffett from "Barefoot Children in the Rain" . |
|||
Reply With Quote |
"Thanks for this!" says: |
08-19-2008, 09:03 AM | #7 | ||
|
|||
Senior Member
|
Quote:
My DD split at 17 and was gone 4 months. When she came back I was the best thing since sliced bread and have been ever since (2 years). Beleive it or not, they come back a better person. Let her go....she'll come back and all the difficulties will be left behind. (I hope anyway) Best J
__________________
. Wisdom to the soul is what health is to the body |
||
Reply With Quote |
"Thanks for this!" says: |
08-19-2008, 09:23 AM | #8 | |||
|
||||
Member
|
Quote:
~ Faith
__________________
aka MamaBug Symptoms since 01/2002; Dx with MS: 10/2003; Back in limbo, then re-dx w/ MS: 07/2008 Betaseron 11/2003-08/2008; Copaxone 09/2008-present Began receiving SSDI 11/2008 |
|||
Reply With Quote |
08-19-2008, 09:28 AM | #9 | |||
|
||||
Wise Elder
|
Quote:
__________________
—Cindy For every day I choose to play, I set aside a day to pay. —AMN "Sometimes plastic wrap just won't cling, no matter how much money you put in the meter." —From the Book of True Wizdom |
|||
Reply With Quote |
08-19-2008, 08:08 PM | #10 | |||
|
||||
Elder Member
|
I totally agree with AMN and the others who have suggested, words will go farther than a material item, let her know how you feel, talking is the best meds, and I am pretty sure I was 24 yrs old when i finally realized my folks were not living in the darkages
__________________
. History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme.............................Mark Twain . ....... . ... . |
|||
Reply With Quote |
Reply |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Forum | |||
Can someone reiterate the relationship between... | Vitamins, Nutrients, Herbs and Supplements | |||
Ruling may unlock key data on doctors...A Good Thing or a Bad Thing? | Parkinson's Disease |