[Koala77]

Most people know that our grandson William is just about the most important other person in mine and my DH's lives.

William's dad had his 30th birthday 3 weeks ago, and there was an afternoon tea to celebrate. Trouble is DH a gastric upset that day and was vomiting badly, all day. We rang and said we couldn't come, and why... but since that day DS and DIL have kept our DGS from us, completely.

DIL is a stay at home Mom, but when we ask if we could drop in to see our little man, DIL keeps saying sorry, but that she's going out..... every single time! She will not give one day, morning, afternoon, an hour, not one day where there were a few minutes for us to see our GS.

We have not seen our William in 2 months, and we live less than 2 miles from their house.

My DH has a 60th birthday coming up in 2 weeks and I've organised a dinner out to celebrate. They're invited but won't even say if they'll be there or not.

We spent over five thousand dollars in removalist costs, moving from another state to this one, just to be close to our little man... now we're feeling quite distraught. Our lease is up in January, and we're thinking of just moving away again! What's the point of staying here if we're not allowed to see our DGS?

We're going to face DS and see what he says, but even getting a few minutes of his time on the phone or in person is getting hard. He just never seems to be available when we phone.

I think they're both throwing tantrums because we couldn't be there for DS's birthday. Let me tell you that he did drop in and collect his birthday gift though! My DH thinks that DIL is the problem, but I don't know.

Apart from asking them straight out what their problem is, what do you think we should do?

[Twinkletoes]

Anne, I feel so bad for you! I know you would have been to the party if you could have. Sounds like you are being punished.


When my son got married 3 years ago, it was obvious my DIL did not care for me. It was so hard to think my son could love someone who didn't love ME! I tippy-toed around for quite awhile, wondering what I had said/did that offended her. She liked my husband a LOT, though. They could talk and talk w/o any problems.

Mystified, I over-analyzed everything I said and did while in her presence. I decided I had no choice but to love her. So I did my best not to tread on her toes.

The turning point began several months later when I drove to her house to apologize for something that could have been taken in a different manner than I had intended it. It totally caught her off-guard (she hadn't been offended). I apologized and said how sorry I was. It was late, so I gave her a quick hug and left.

Things begin turning around after that. I think she no longer perceived me as a threat.

Still, when the baby came, it wasn't easy to spend "alone" time with her. It was like I was the competition.

I think it's over now. We can talk and laugh and understand each other.

It took a lot of prayer and patience.



My dear next door neighbor went through a similar struggle with her DIL. The DIL would never offer to "share" the kids with their Grandma.

But now they are old enough to demand it, and I see them visiting from time to time.



Please be patient, Anne. I know you need that bright little spot of sunshine in your life. William is such an adorable little guy!

I know you're hurt, but don't be anxious to move away. Just keep trying to appeal to those exasperating adult children. Maybe you'll get lucky and she'll need you for a babysitter. (Happened to me!) Isn't your DH going to get a Lorakeet? That might be a good icebreaker. Cookies are good. "Impulse" items bought while shopping could help. Who can resist a bright bag of goodies that someone left hanging on their door?

I wouldn't confront them about it. Just keep trying, Anne. Keep smiling (at least on the outside). They can't resist you forever, esp. if you keep showing them love! Little William needs his grandparents. And I know you need him.

There's nothing in the world like a hug from your grandchild. Prayer and patience is my recommendation. And lots of love. The wait is worth it. and one more for good measure:

[Blessings2You]

What a heartbreaking story! I'm so sorry. Ro gave you some very good advice. The "reason" could be some little thing that was misinterpreted and you may never know what it was. Please keep us posted, and I'll be praying.

[Dejibo]

I would invite her OUT for coffee. this way you are not showing up unannounced at her door trying to catch her off guard just to sneak a bit of time with the kid. you are acknowledging her as a parent and in control. Anyway...get her off for coffee, and tell her how you feel. That your heart is broken that you were not able to attend that party, and since then, you feel that maybe things are off. That if you have done/said anything that has been viewed or perceived as offensive, or rude that you want to apologize here and now, and lets sweep the floor clean. Give her time to speak. LISTEN to her. She may have taken a tiny thing and be blowing it way out of shape, but to her it may just be blistering a hole in her heart.

DONT show up UNannounced to try to sneak your way in for a visit. That will make things way worse! Please approach her with respect and love. EAT CROW if you have to, even if its not your helping to eat. I am sure you will do what you have to for the sake of the grandbaby.

[DM]

Hello dear sweet Anne~ Just jumped online for a second, as am at DD's, but your thread jumped out at me. I know how sad you are about the recent developments w/DS adn family. I think you are probably right about your DIL being the culprit.

I'm keeping you in my prayers dear friend, that your DS will come to his senses and realize that it is not fair to lil William to be kept from his loving G'parents. Your DS probably feels caught in the middle, but that is no excuse.. One thing you do not need is more stress!!!!
Maybe DS needs to be reminded that he only has one set of parents! Sure hope this gets resolved soon, Anne~ take care of yourself.

Sending you hugs and prayers.....

[ewizabeth]

Dear Anne,

That is heartbreaking. I can't imagine going through that with a grandchild. It also sounds to me like it's the DIL. I hope things will be better soon and you can see your DGS.

[karousel]

Koala - I'm so sorry this is going on. I think a lot of people gave you a lot of good advice. I have no advice but so understand the hurt you are feeling right now. I could never image keeping my DD from her grandparents - it would be too painful for everyone. I hope this works out quickly for you so you can see your precious little one!

[Koala77]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. You have great insight, and I do think there's more to this I first thought.

Without knowing all the circumstances, there is no way to guess why there is currently a problem . . . but it seems this problem is bigger then what happened with your son's birthday. You say you haven't seen your Grandson in 2 months now, yet the birthday situation happened only 3 weeks ago . . .? Has that been your choice, their choice, or just the way things worked out?

As far as we can see, there were no problems at all before the birthday. DS & DIL always dropped William off alternate Saturdays while they ran their errands, but circumstances prevented that (on their behalf) for a couple of Saturdays prior, hence the long gap before the birthday. The only time we've ever let them down, is the day DH was sick and we couldn't go for afternoon tea.

I'm actually one of 8 grandparents that William has. Her mom and dad, and his mom and dad, all have new partners. I am stepmom to DS, who is a quiet person, and have been for over 20 years. He's loving and always has a hug and a kiss for me when we see them, so did DIL.

I thought we all got on well, and had felt no undercurrents prior to this happening. That's why this coldness has come as such a shock. Gosh, we even get on with my DH's ex wife and her partner, and have attended many events together that involve DGS or DS , without any ill feelings! I'm pretty easy going, and so is my DH.

We never drop into DS's home unannounced because we don't want to intrude, especially living so close. We don't spoil the little man with material things, just with love and hugs.

After reading all that you've offered, I'm feeling a bit inclined towards the two of them maybe having marital problems. They have been struggling financially, but DIL does not want to go back to work. They have a big mortgage, and with only one income, maybe that's causing some stress for them. Just a thought.

I don't know what I'll do yet, but I think I will end up phoning DIL. I might invite her here, or ask if we can drop in to see her some time. I'm not sure which yet, but I'll think about what she may react kindest to.

[yeahbut]

you will make the right choice I am sure, Anne.

[Kitty]

Hi Anne. Since your DH's birthday is coming up soon perhaps you could use that as an reason to get the whole family together. Surely they'll respond to an invitation for that! Hope it all works out for you.