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11-23-2008, 04:05 PM | #1 | |||
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Elder
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I'm looking for some insight from couples who've had to adjust to each other after one or both retired.
I'm fixin' to retire in a few days, and I'm guessing it won't be an entirely smooth transition, partly just because my emotions are so off the wall(s) about it. But also because Bob retired thirteen years ago, and he's had the house to himself all those years, set up his own routine (Bob LOVES his routine ) and, like most couples, we have different perspectives on things. Such as heat, light, and noise. I don't want to "pull rank" and say "OK, now I'm home and we're going to do things MY way." But neither do I want to sit in the dark with my teeth chattering, being quiet all the time. I'm exaggerating somewhat to make my point. Don't get me wrong. I love Bob with all my heart, and he loves me. His lifestyle choice, however, is keeping the thermostat low, the "unnecessary" lights off (read: all of them), and thinking his thoughts. My lifestyle choice is having every light in the house on (what is this, Bob, a CAVE?), having the temperature at least above freezing, and blabbing every thought that goes through my mind. These are just a few of our "opposites attract" characteristics. Neither of us adapts really well to big changes, so this ought to be interesting. The biggest pitfall I can foresee is the apology loop. I go yapping on and on until his eyes glaze over, then I apologize, then he says "You don't need to apologize!" then I apologize for apologizing....aaaaargh. What are your experiences with re-adjusting when suddenly you are both home? I know we'll have to compromise, and we certainly will, but I'd like to hear your stories.
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* * * **My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26) |
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11-23-2008, 04:48 PM | #2 | |||
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Magnate
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I'm light years away from retirement, so I don't have much to offer in terms of advice, but definitely a huge congratulations goes out to you
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2004 to present - Trigeminal Neuralgia 2007 to present - Burning Mouth Syndrome March 2008 - Multiple Sclerosis DX 05/2008 - Relapse 05/2008 to 02/2009 - Copaxone 10/2011 - Relapse - Optic Neuritis developed 9/2012 - Relapse - Balance issues 1 sided 8/2012 - Erythema Nodosum - diagnosed 10/2012, reaction to Topiramate (Topamax) April 7/14 - Raynaud's Syndrome DX |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Blessings2You (11-23-2008) |
11-23-2008, 05:05 PM | #3 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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I do admit, sometimes weekends feel long with DH, DD, and DS all home - all needing something from me. I am home 8 years now, our house has doors between rooms, I close to create warmth in Family room, he opens for air circulation, so I shut them, he opens them, etc.. We differ. I say leave Bob to his routine, establish yours, maybe time from x to x together. We set rules - once a month out to eat (lunch or dinner, I don't care) but no kids and somewhere I want to go - no BK or MacDonalds. Somewhere nice. Bet it's tough at first, but you'll both get the rhythm.
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Kicker PPMS, DXed 2002 Queen of Maryland Wise Elder no matter what my count is. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Blessings2You (11-23-2008) |
11-23-2008, 05:41 PM | #4 | |||
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Co-Administrator
Community Support Team
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Just in general, I think having some sort of hobby or activities to do is a good thing.
About the lights & heating... can you have a room set up as your domain to your preferences? with a small heater if needed and energy saving light bulbs?
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Blessings2You (11-23-2008), weegot5kiz (11-23-2008) |
11-23-2008, 06:48 PM | #5 | |||
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Elder Member
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Honestly i told Deb get a job dont you believe it lol
Debbie and I get along rather well, we talk about a lot of stuff, play games together on pc and watch educational shows and argue lol, separate rooms helps too kidding on separate rooms, pretty sure communication will be a major key in success on this transition also, BTY
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. History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme.............................Mark Twain . ....... . ... . |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Blessings2You (11-23-2008), SandyC (11-25-2008) |
11-23-2008, 07:02 PM | #6 | |||
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Senior Member
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I love being retired!
It was forced because of medical but no matter. I don't get paid to be nice any more so it's an option now! DH was retired for two weeks and couldn't stand it so he found a job working 8:00 am to noon Monday through Friday at a car rental agency. It is perfect as he comes home with news, gossip every day and I have time to finish housework and errands while he is at work. The extra money is fun money so we can go on trips etc. so works out great! We have lunch and the afternoons free to do as we please. Another plus is his boss understands DH needs to spend time with me so he can get days off when he pleases.
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Brain damaged and I have MRI's to prove it!! . |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Blessings2You (11-23-2008) |
11-23-2008, 07:11 PM | #7 | |||
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Senior Member
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Although my DH didn't retire, he's been home during the day a lot more with his crazy work hours. I am an early riser, get up and get going. I like to exercise and do my shopping in the morning. In the afternoon I start to get tired and want to relax. My DH is the complete opposite. He likes to sleep in and it takes a while for him to get moving because he has a lot of back pain in the morning. I like the house bright with the curtains wide open. He likes it dark and all the curtains closed.
It took us a while to get into sync with each other, and it has worked out for the most part because we both compromise. We do tend to do our own thing most mornings; and if he sleeps in, I still do what I need to do. While I respect his sleeping in in the morning and try to keep quiet, he will try to get up early enough for us to do things together in the morning. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Blessings2You (11-23-2008) |
11-23-2008, 08:55 PM | #8 | |||
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In Remembrance
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My DH had his own business and I did all the accounting, so we worked together and retired together. I retired, he sorta retired, but keep on doing things to stay busy.
He liked to go to the American Legend Post a lot. Sometimes I went, but he went every day.. He always brought me home something good to eat and was always here when I needed him. I loved when he went to the AL...I liked my alone time. I miss him like crazy, we had a bunch of fun together, in our later years. Good luck BTU.
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~Love, Sally . "The best way out is always through". Robert Frost ~If The World Didn't Suck, We Would All Fall Off~ |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Blessings2You (11-24-2008) |
11-25-2008, 07:31 PM | #9 | |||
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Wise Elder
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(((B2Y))) - I don't have any advice to offer as I have not experienced this. But know that we are all here to help you though it this transition.
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Blessings2You (11-25-2008), SallyC (11-25-2008) |
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