My Dad never spanked me. I don't think he ever spanked my sisters either. My Mom did, though. But she stopped after I ran crying to my Dad (I was 4 or 5) and told him "Momma popped Kelly"!! She felt so bad and it made her cry.....my Dad just held me on his lap and said nothing. I didn't do it to manipulate my Mom but it worked out pretty well for me!

I spanked only when it was really bad.

Darting into traffic, instead of looking. being too rough with each other, would get you a swat. I guess I never really spanked. I swatted.

I never did time outs. I always did time INS. When ever a child was being really unruly, a handful, or a terror, it was time to sit down with mom or dad. We would read a story, or talk. I never sent a child off alone to "think" about what they did. If they could think about it, they wouldnt have done it. We always took time to talk about it, and try to describe what happened, and why. We explored the issue, so that my children would learn from the incident. I am pleased that even though in their mid 20s both stop and pay attention now when they are cranky, or over stressed, and try to figure it out, instead of just reacting to it or stomping off.

So, yes! to a swat on the fanny. NO to hitting. My sister would smack her sons lips till they bled after he used bad words. I never saw it happen, but her children would both rat her out.

I hear what you're saying; this is just me but I don't make that distinction - it's too fine a line. i.e. was it a 'pop' or a 'hit'? Open hand on rear this hard? ...or that hard... I think any kind of spanking (whether a little spank or a big spank) is pretty much similarly ineffective. My dad could whither us with a certain look or tone to his voice.

My mom didn't whip me or anything, but I did get 'little' spankings. Honestly, they confounded me, maybe hurt my feelings or flat out made me mad, but they never taught me right from wrong or how to think through what I was doing in order to make a better choice.

This is nothing I'd ever pick anyone apart for, honest (I just posted again because I wanted to make sure I'd been clear about my own opinion).

I think younger parents are more likely to spank vs mature ones , just from the point of as you get older you learn more ways of coping/dealing with problems and just general overall maturity.

one of my memories-
My bros & I got a few spankings when we were kids - One time we got baby brother all muddy and dirty - I mean really muddy we might have been tossing dirt clods at him too.. long time ago can't remember the details....and he was in diapers still..
the other bros & I got marched to dad and got lined up for a few swats. it didn't hurt us or cause us any confusion. it was more try not to giggle as we watched each other get spanked...
we knew we did wrong. that was it.

But I know it doesn't happen like that these days..

I'll agree the spanking part didn't really teach us anything, but it didn't scar us either.

The whole world is more complicated now, so a whole new set of rules to consider - plus the context of the whole picture in relation to the "offense".

While I NEVER threatened my kids with a spanking, or "punished" them with spanking . . . I did tap them on the bottom or hand (depending on their age) to get their attention on an important matter.

Not only that, I did it to my friend's daughter a couple of times. I have also used other physical "aggression" (NOTHING painful, just scary) against a few other kids.

If a child (or adult) is over-the-top disrespectful, or they pose an immediate threat to the safety of me or my family, I am like a mother bear. If a parent is going to turn a blind eye to that behavior and they do not discipline their own kids, I will react very abruptly with a taste of their own medicine.

I lost one friend over this . . . then she ended up losing both of her kids when they were about 8 & 6. She couldn't control them any more, and it's no wonder.

Cherie

I believe that spanking is appropriate only as a last resort or depending on the circumstances.

My DS at the age of around 7 made the statement to a neighbor. If those guys don't slow down, I'm getting my gun and shoot them. We trained him how to handle guns, this is not taken lightly since we are hunters and fishers.

Everyone thought it was 'cute' and funny that he would want to protect his dog. We lived 15 miles from town, on a dirt road that no one else should be on unless they lived there. It was unfortunately used as a shortcut for many people.

I did spank him and he has never made such a statement...was he serious, not sure, but he is extremely careful with his guns...he is now past 30.

My grandson shot his dog because he followed him hunting and always makes statements about shooting this person or that...his mother ignores these comments. I just hope and pray he never does, I did get on his case about the dog, he is now 14 and has never shot any living thing since except for meat.

I would prefer my kids learn early that the consequenses are tough when you break the rules, rather than learn from behind prison bars. I was a juvenile probation officer so I've seen both sides...kids that do not have disipline and those that got way too much.
Discipline and abuse are two very different things...its a wide line between the two...bruises, should never happen, even with spanking or swatting the butt.

I respect and always have the discretion of parents to spank or not...I have never spanked my grandkids, but they do know that when I say no or tell them something...I ain't playin.

Sorry, I rambled so...lol

Well written, often too much or not enough is the problem-- the big dilemma. Some kids need firmer and some need very little...

I believe in spanking. Spare the rod, spoil the child.

Thing is, in todays society schools can take a board to your child, yet if you spank your child some do gooder wants to call social services.
To me, that's just wrong.

I know I was spanked growing up.(Lord knows I needed it, most the time)
I was scared to get spanked. So because of this fear I didn't drink or smoke. I didn't sneak out. I didn't cuss. And there was no way in heck I was ever telling my mother NO again. Once was enough.

With my kids, my daughter rarely got spanked. She always wanted to please.
With my son, he was spanked more when he was little, but not as much when he was older. We listened to counselors who told us not to spank him.
I honestly feel that if we had spanked him, he wouldn't have pulled half the crap he did.

Because we did time out or Daniel "UNPLUGGED"(no electric things) He knew he could get away with whatever he wanted.
I regret that.

I could go on and on, but yeah, I believe in spanking.

DAY

i don't have kids, but i used to be one.
i've also been a neonatal nurse for 37 yrs and have practiced in pediatrics.

i don't believe in spanking.
i don't feel it gets anything positive across to children, especially young ones.
you have to get educated about developmental stages in kids to know what they are capable of thinking.

i think it may be more of an outlet of anger on the part of the person spanking. when i was young i felt embaressed. i think it's demeaning. it doesn't do anything to build children up.

i think firm actions and words in a disapproving tone of voice go further. and good communication. and consequences for actions. also, reinforcing the positive and giving praise to children goes a long way, not the negative.

IMHO

I never smacked any of our children. Not once!

My father was a violent man, and he didn't just spank us kids......he bashed us! He had a very volitile temper and would lash out for the slightest thing. We'd get thrashed with his belt often, like several times each week, and not just a few lashes either. I can remember having welts so bad that I couldn't sit down for some time.

As a small child my father would give us a good belting before we went anywhere, just INCASE we were naughty when we were out.

If we did anything wrong when dad wasn't home, my mother used a wooden spoon to hit us with. When my father came home he would take off his belt and thrash us all over again, for the same infraction that my mother had already punished us for.

My younger sister could get away with anything less than murder, and sometimes I wonder about that. She was the apple of my father's eye, and I was older so I should have known better. Sometimes I'd get punished for what she did because I didn't prevent her doing what she did.......me being older I shouldn't have allowed her to do *whatever*.

You try stopping a wayward 12 year old He!! bent on self destruction ....... she lied, she stole, she was having sex with a 40 year old married man (at 12), she helped rob a caravan park and took off to another state with a criminal and had to be brought back by the police. It was my fault! Don't ask me how it was my fault as I still haven't worked that one out 40 years later, but apparently I should have known or stopped it or something.

I refused to ever let any child of mine go through what I went through. I believe that violence begets violence and although there were times that punishment was necessary, time out or withdrawal of priviledges always worked for me.

Our children are now well adapted adults, and I hope and pray that no child of their's will ever be hit/smacked/spanked/belted/thrashed....... it's all the same to me.