[Koala77]

I asked DS and DIL what they'd like for Christmas this year, and also DIL has a birthday between now and Christmas, so I asked DS if he had any hints as to what DIL would like for a birthday gift.

I got a list back with a message saying... "please choose something off this birthday list, and let me know what you are buying her, as I need to forward the list to everyone else!"

As for Christmas this year.... they said they won't be buying gifts for us this year, but they'd be just giving us a lottery ticket instead!

I'm a bit put off about the callous way that they've suddenly decided to change our family Christmas traditions. We spent a lot of money buying gifts for them last year, and there wasn't one word about not "having" Christmas this year.

BTW..... DIL put a little tricycle on layby for our DGS and handed me the ticket. She said that's what she wanted us to buy DGS for Christmas, and please go pay the layby off!

Sorry.... I just needed to get this off my chest!

[prettypearlgirl]

Maybe they just don't have the money to get everyone else presents, so they are asking for a change in the tradition but are too embarrassed to say the truth. I know that I am going to be very hard pressed to get presents for my family this year and plan on making as many of the presents that I can. I'd personally just as soon skip the holidays this year. No one has any money these days it seems.

Carolyn

[Jomar]

OMG!
Maybe I am kind of stubborn... or something ...
but I don't think I would go along with that...
they could have mentioned the type of tricycle and asked if you would like to get it or not.. not just tell you what to pay for.. that's insane IMHO

AAAGGGGHHHH
sorry I just had to blow off too
They are acting kind of rude

[Jomar]

The adults in our extended family are thinking about giving to a food bank or something instead of doing the family gift exchange. And the kids or anyone that still wants to partake in the gift exchange will just bring something {$10-15 price limit} and they can draw names or numbers.

We don't do the buy everyone a gift thing because the family is way too big.

we do a name draw, or numbers w/ generic gift.

with the number draw # 1 chooses a gift first and then #2 can choose a gift or take gift from #1 and so on- it's fun to see all the "stealing" and deals to get the best gifts...

[Koala77]

Originally Posted by Jo55

OMG!.......sorry I just had to blow off too
They are acting kind of rude

Thank you! I didn't think it was just me being unreasonable!

I would give our DGS anything in the world if we have the money to pay for it, and this tricycle certainly is within our price range......but.....

... to be handed the layby ticket and told to go pay it off..... let's just say they are very lucky that I'm a gentle, sweet and quiet human being!

At the same time.... it's OK for us to spend money on their child.... but don't expect a gift from us in return. Am I being unreasonable here?

As for the lottery tickets! We don't issue lottery tickets. Not ever!!!

As for not being able to afford a token Christmas gift....they work... we don't! They own their own home... we lease the house we live in!.

Sorry.. I'm still feeling a litle cross about this whole thing.

[Koala77]

We must have posted at the same time Jo, but I agree with you about the food bank idea, trouble is we couldn't get any of the others to agree.

We tried $15-$20 price limit for many years, and in days gone by... we've even drawn the name of a family member out of the hat and just bought for that one person. It did work when we did it that way... but even that seems to have gone by the board as the years have gone by.

[Koala77]

Originally Posted by prettypearlgirl

Maybe they just don't have the money to get everyone else presents, so they are asking for a change in the tradition but are too embarrassed to say the truth.....Carolyn

You might be right Carolyn, but to be honest.....I'm not convinced. I'm a very placid person and so is DH so we'll go along with what they ask. It's just rather disappointing the way they've gone about it.

[Kitty]

I think the way they went about it was very rude and abrupt.

I would tell them to keep the layaway ticket and give the tricycle to their son as their gift.....you'll get him your own gift. If they can dish it out they should be able to take it.

My boys and I have adopted a new Christmas tradition this year. We are not buying gifts for each other.....we're sponsoring three senior citizens who otherwise wouldn't get anything. We promised no "surprises" for each other but instead to get what the seniors put on their list and then a couple more things as "extras" for them. What they listed as their "wants" are nothing but mere necessities of life....things we all take for granted (slippers, robe, shoes). It's very eye-opening.

Like I explained to my boys....we do alot for each other all throughout the year and we don't need to feel obligated to buy gifts for each other just for the sake of having something to give. Christmas has just gotten way too commercialized for me and the whole concept of it is lost. Children shouldn't be penalized....but adults could do something more productive with their money and gifts....such as giving to a charity or sponsor someone less fortunate.

[jprinz99]

After reading their behavior my first thought was "What the...!?!?"

1) they acted like brats and gifts are not mandatory nor to be expected. Miss Manner's and most of America would pale at the whole thing. You are under ZERO obligation to play this game.

2) who put them in charge? Aren't you the parent/grandparent?

3) when they pay for the gifts, then they get to decide what is or is not bought/made/obtained

4) give them a taste of their own medicine; hand them back the lay away ticket and say "No thanks, I prefer to get something else." If your wallet and heart are getting opened then you get to decide the item given.

5) maybe they are having money problems, etc. Still no excuse for the bad way they handled things. Maybe ask them "Is money tight? Have societal rules changed while I was napping? Have you thought of the example you are teaching your child?"

Upon, reflection I now think the same way as I first did. YOU should decide if to give a gift, what person get it and what 'it' may be.

[yeahbut]

Anne, I am sorry you are dealing with this! I don't blame you for getting upset.

DBF sister sent an email the other day that she decided that we will give gifts to the kids this year instead of to the families to try to save some money. We are the only ones who don't have children. She even went so far as to draw the names. We of course got the name of a brother who we don't know the kids (4 of them). Oh well, it is Christmas and like you, I will not say anything just go with the flow and do the best we can.