I'm so sorry to hear about you dad. :hug: :hug: I lost my mom around thanksgiving in '98, and the holidays are still bittersweet to me. I cried for a long time after she passed, tears are normal and a gift right now. Give yourself permission to cry right now. :hug:

And I agree with the others. It was not for nothing. You were there for him when he needed someone the most. You are a very caring individual. :hug:

Another here who spent the last moment with my Dad as he passed.

Truly, Carolina, it was NOT for nothing. He knew you were there and he knows how you feel now and I am willing to bet he wouldn't want you beating yourself up over this.

I hope you feel better soon. You are in our prayers.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

carolina,

i'm very sorry for the loss of your dear father.
you have nothing to be sorry about, at all.

i understand the need to put aside all to be with an ailing parent. to ease their way and for them to know that you love them. you were there for your dad in every way. i know he knew how much love you had for him.

and your being with him at his passing was in no way nothing.
your dad and God can attest to that.

blessings to you and your family at this time.
you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Please accept my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your Dear Father.:(

I'm so glad you are back with us and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Welcome Home..:hug:

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. :hug:

You are in my Thoughts and Prayers

So sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. You have nothing to be sorry not being on here. Take care of yourself now. We will be still here. Lots of good thoughts and hugs for you and yours. :hug:

Thanks so much to all who responded with words of wisdom and hope. They are appreciated so much more than you will ever know.

I don't regret for one moment the time that I spent with my father. When I was working, I thought of him all day and rushed to see him in the evening (the State Trooper can verify that - 84 in a 65!). It's just that, in retrospect, I realized that I pushed him too hard. He wanted to give up long before I would let him. The last six weeks of his life were because of me and I regret that. He suffered so very much and if I hadn't been so selfish, I would have seen that long before I did.

He would have been out of misery and been at peace with the Lord long before he was. Every single night, I just cry and keep saying, "I am so sorry, Daddy. I am so, so sorry."

I loved him so much, it hurt. I can honestly say that I have no bad memories of my father. People would say to me that in time I would remember only the good times but with my father, that's all there ever were. Good and loving times.

Now, my mom......:rolleyes:

Anyway, thanks to everyone. If you have any prayers left over, could you say one for me that I make it back just a little? If for no other reason, my husband could sure use a break.

I love you all. God Bless. :grouphug:

Carolina, please don't kick yourself for pushing your dear father too hard. If you hadn't kept loving and encouraging him, it's possible he may have gone sooner, but then you might feel you didn't push hard enough.

There's no way you need to take responsibility for when your father left this earth. He was in God's hands all along.

I pray you sleep well tonight and feel better tomorrow. Get some rest. :hug:

It's a hard position to be in.....you want them to be at peace and out of pain yet you don't want to see them go....I know exactly what you mean. Carolina, I think your Dad knew just how much you loved him and wouldn't want you kicking yourself for anything that you did or didn't do. In times like that we do the best we can. After he passed, I disected everything I had done for my Dad and finally came to the conclusion that I was wasting my energy and my Dad would have had a few choice words for me for second guessing myself...:rolleyes: Like Twink said, it was in God's hands all along. :)

Give yourself some time......you've been through quite a bit and it's physically and mentally exhausting. You've got a bunch of friends here who care very much about you. Please take care of yourself. :hug:

Thinking of you Carolina. :hug::hug: