You know, it's funny but I have had the same regrets over my mom's passing. I prayed and begged her to hang in there until I could get out there to see her one more time and then she ended up lingering for another horrible 2 months. I felt guilty for a long time and really wished she just died right at the beginning when they brought her back.

In your case and mine, Twinkletoes is right. God was in charge of that, not us. He picks the time of our passing and I don't think anyone else can really influence that.

I think your dad probably treasured having you around at the end. I know he wouldn't want you beating yourself up over it. I think he would just say thank you for all you did for him and for being there and being a wonderful daughter.

Sorry to hear about your father and all you've gone through. Take time to heal and we'll be here when your ready. Your not alone as many here have been through the same as you can see. It wasn't for nothing, he is still with you even as you heal from the loss.

I'm just a newbie around these parts, so I don't believe we've met before, but it sounds like you're a great soul. I'm glad to meet you and see you on NT :hug:

Well, it's been a week since I have posted or been on here and nothing at all has changed. I know it is soon. I know that it takes time. But, I was hoping for a little relief. My husband thinks that I am worse. I fear he is right.

I am already on ADs and anti-anxiety but I will see what other tricks the doc has up his sleeve. If he is tapped out, I will at least get a flu shot so the visit won't be a total waste.

If you all don't mind, I think I will just do a little more leaning and crying and whatever on shoulders here. I was trying not to but I really don't know what else to do and I am so desperate, I am scared.

Let's see, two more things, thanks to all who have sent cards of all kinds. They are truly appreciated. However, please do not be offended if I do not reciprocate with a Christmas card this year. I just can't. My papa only passed away on Thanksgiving and I just think it would be too disrespectful to be spreading Christmas cheer.

And two, thank you all again. I have taken bits of wisdom from all of you and it has helped me get through the day. I love you all to pieces. :grouphug:

:hug: Carolina :hug: You just lean and cry on our shoulders and do whatever you feel is necessary. That's what friends are for.....and we're right here when you need us. I'm glad you're seeing your doctor and keeping in touch with him/her. A tweak in your AD may be needed right now. But....don't expect too much from yourself. Everyone grieves differently. For some it's a much longer process...for others it may seem easier for them to move on. No one way is the "correct" way....and everyone has their own personal meter for this.

Thanks for checking in and letting us know how you're doing. Take care of yourself, okay? :hug:

Carolina, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry about your dad, and I understand just how much you are missing him.

I hope you and your doctor can work something out so that you can get a little relief from the pain.

I'm glad you're back. Lean on us and cry any old time you need. :circlelove:

It's lovely to have you back on line, and please know that I've been thinking of you.

Your pain will take some time to heal, but as the others before me have already said ..... we're here for you as long as you need us. :hug:

thank you for posting and letting us know how you are.
my brother and i had regrets at my parents' passing.
i think that is a normal thing to think about.

have you considered talking to a counselor?
it might help to talk to a professional who can help you process all that has happened. maybe even a grief counselor?

i'm sending prayers that you will feel better in time.

Don't worry about not sending cards. You take care of yourself!

Check in again and tell us how things are going for you. Hoping some Christmas cheer rubs off on you and helps you feel better. :hug:

Thinking of you, Carolina, and hoping that you're doing OK. We're here for you whenever you need us.....take care of yourself. :hug: