Since August, if I logged in, that was as far as I got - logging in. I then immediately fell asleep. I would wake up hours later with my fingers poised on the keyboard. I am not even sure if I tried to do that much after September or October.

To those who have attempted (sometimes repeatedly) to reach me by phone, email, card, pm or carrier pigeon, your concerns astound and overwhelm me. I am not worthy of such kindness especially when none of the correspondence was returned.

I was not able to return your generosity. In the beginning, it was simply a matter of time. There just were not enough hours in the day. Now, I am either too numb, too depressed, too apathetic towards life or a combination of all three.

My father got sick in August and after much suffering, passed away on Thanksgiving Day. It’s a long, long story but I was there every single minute that I could be while still trying to maintain my full time job. Thank God for understanding bosses and clients. I used nearly seven weeks of vacation and over 90 hours of sick time to be there for him and we lost. It was all for nothing. I gave up everything and nearly forsook my husband and everyone else and it was for nothing. In the end, he took his last breath with me holding his hand and my head lying on his shoulder.

I am beyond devastated. I cannot quit crying. I know everyone says it takes time.....

Anyway, I am attempting my way back and I wanted to start by apologizing to those who must be wondering what they did to me for me to ignore them so. I am sorry. Someday, I hope I can try to make it up to you.

I truly am so, so sorry..... and this is all I can manage for now.