HELP! The past few weeks have been brutal pain-wise and stress-wise for me. After 7+ years of pain I am currently waiting for surgery which should hopefully happen in the next two months. To date, I haven't been given much for pain relief - I was on Lyrica but gained weight so I am going back on Neurontin, Toradol or Narproxen, Flexeril and told to take Tylenol or Advil. I have done PT, tried chiro, accupuncture and am currently going for 1 hour massages once a week. My shining light is that maybe surgery will get rid of some of the pain.

Through all this I have been working - but I am at breaking point. Everyone I see is amazed I am even working. My family doctor doesn't seem to think I would feel better if I was off work...that I would still be sore...that's fine, but I am going through meltdowns....I am in so much pain I can't even decide what to eat for dinner...I have spent numerous nights crying from pain and frustration. I can't sleep lying down...I am actually more comfortable sleeping on the couch...

I know we are go through these cycles of pain, of frustration - but HOW do you get through it? I am forever biting off my poor BFs head and while I know he understands I wonder how he takes it. A year ago I was able to go to the gym a few times a week - now I am a wreck. I feel aweful...I am tired...I am sore...I feel like the 'help' is so far away.

Then there is the fear of surgery - what if it doesn't work? What if I feel worse? How am I going to pay my bills while I am off?

I am one of those 'keep to myself' kinda people. I don't normally go seeking out help but I am going crazy. It is a whirlwind of emotions, a roller coaster...I am angry, frustrated, scared and sad all at the same time. I have a good talk with gibbrn today - she has been a wonderful and dear friend to me...I know she has been exactly where I am now and that is reassuring.

Anything anyone can offer is accepted. I see my family doctor later this month and am demanding to be put off work - this crap has gone on long enough...I am not sure if it is the pain or the stress that is going to get to me first.

Having you people here is a truely a special thing - I lurk more then post and I appreciate all you can share with me