[tannemich]

i was diagnosed with tos in may 2005 from a work injury. my surgeon says i have the worst kind - neuropathic. i have been on tramadol, the max dosage per day, for almost 6 years now. i have been on methadone for a year, and now dilaudid. i work full time as an insurance adjuster, so i am at a desk and computer for 8 hours a day. i am finally having surgery in 2 weeks, for the 1st rib resection on my left side. my surgeon wants to wait and see if we need to do my right side also, but i know we will have to.
i'm scared. i'm on such high meds my surgeon won't prescribe me meds for after care. i have to have a pain pharmasist. he said we are going to have a hard time getting your pain under control. i'm scared after the after care and what to expect. will i be able to use my left arm? how long is the recovery period. surgeon says i'll be back to work in four weeks. is this true?
i'm starting to take out my fear and frustration on my loving boyfriend. my ex-husband couldnt handle this at all...he actually said no one else will love you with all your medical problems. that's another story. i don't want this to affect my relationship. i love him so much and he doesnt derserve to be the target of my frustration. it's like i can't let the little things go. and i'm MAD! i'm not like this. this is not me. i know it's the anxiety from the upcoming surgery. i don't care about any scars, i just want my life back. i want to have a baby. i want to be a good (future) step mom. i want to hold my babies. i want to garden, and walk my dog, and i want to work out! i can't even do yoga anymore. sometimes it just feels like there isnt a point to it all. my surgeon is not hopeful this will cure me. i know it's an 85% sucess rate, and he is a really good surgeon, so i'm sure that's why he is concerned...cause it's not 99%.

any experience's with this surgery, or how you have handled life would be so appreciated. my boyfriend is the only person who actually understands everything about this, and he cares about my health. he doesn't deserve for me to pick a fight.