What seems to be my main problem at this moment is pent-up feelings. I just don't see the point of talking about my condition to anyone in my life. And as for doctors, the group that actually knows what they are talking about when it comes to TOS seems to be pretty small, so it's like hey, take a number. So from all this not-talking, I get depressed sometimes. Or angry. I wish I could just give people a date as to when my life will be more normal or when I'll be ready to talk about fun things or light-hearted things. Or when I'll get to the point of managing my condition. It's been over 8 months now since my VTOS diagnosis and I'm still in crisis/triage mode and expecting an operation will take place sometime this year. And once that happens maybe then my life can go on to the next stage which I guess is healing? But I don't really tell people the truth, that the surgery may not fix everything up all rosy-like. Do some TOS people just stay in this problem-solving mode forever? I don't want to focus on this condition the rest of my life. I want to give it some treatment, and move on. And if the treatment isn't so great, oh well. I'm just tired of thinking about it. I am grateful at least I don't have pain, but just discomfort from my condition. The physical restrictions are what make me most unhappy, not having the active lifestyle I was used to having. I hate that. I also hate not being able to contribute at work the way I used to, and hearing stories about people who never returned to work. I plan to return. My nightmare would be to have something go wrong with the surgery and not be able to work. I don't even know that that is a realisitic fear, but it's one I have.