[flippnout]

Hello everyone I have not been on in awhile. I have been depressed alot comming to the point of understanding my life as it was is over. I think I understand but who am I kidding it is still too soon to come to grips with it, I hate turning dumb my memory is fading my spelling and I would be lost if not for my wife!

I hate this TOS and RSD I am now passing out alot, from just my body having enough fighting this all day,I have slammed my head on this monitor so many times from nodding off I think I dented it. I fight this everyday for my kids and wife but it is like the same thing everyday not much going on. I use a cane now to help walk some and I have come to terms with knowing I must use a weelchair at times to make it threw stores, so I get thoes LOOKS from people like hey dude! you are way to young, and it looks like you have your legs whats up LOOKS! HELL with them my lady says and kids also!I think to myself- if they only knew my pain I would gladly let them live in my shoes for a hour pout.

I'm allowd to I figure to whine a little to myself, why hold it inside right. I had this lady stare at me forever at check out so I say man I wish I had no nerve problems and pulled my shirt over to the side to show my nice scare under my neck you know the one, the look on her face was priceless! I know it was wrong, sorry but the stare from this lady just hurt me at the time.

I want to find a cane with flames on it, I saw one someone has and now I want one! it may make me look like Im walking faster LOL I have to say I enjoy my doc he is the best, r please I know we all have GREAT DOCS! please no pissing contest I feel he has my best interest and he truely cares for me as a person I had a very bad day when I saw him last pain was in the WOW FACTOR! and just miseriable you know how we get dont want to move or open our eyes sorta pain, I let him know said sorry (why do we apologise for our pain) he just made me feel at home and calm with his actions sure pain was high but he understood and we just took it from there, I have to say my PCP she is the best also she has the same way of just rolling with the wave thing.

I'am just in a deep dark gray MOOD today like the little guy with a cloud over his head and the sun just cant seem to reach me today. My grandmother passed last week, she lived a full life a wonderful life. The service was great she looked great just took alot from me to make it. I guess I am still recouping.

Thanks for reading a weirdos thoughts...I hope you all a pain free day!