Too frustrated for words...

Going to go to bed and lay in pain for three more days.

(((((Tam)))))
Hope you feel better soon

((((((((Tamara))))))))

let it all wash over you. it comes. it goes.

It WILL go.

and it may come again.

it's like the ebb and flow of the tides. You have to know the badness will go away - ride it out for the good portion of the tide.


(this is my mini-mantra to myself that helps me hang on when I feel like I have nothing left to hang on to)

Anne

Hello Tam; Please go easy on yourself. We are not really all that different. We are living with chronic pain. I know when my pain increases to levels that I can't deal with I get angry, mad, and depressed. There is alot of emotional termoil trying to deal with physical chronic pain. Even when I was well, I had bad days. Unfortunately those that are well don't understand what we deal with. Somedays I can't get out of my own way. Somedays I hardly feel like moving, while other days I almost feel normal because my pain levels are at the regular steady 4 or 5. It's a cycle CHRONIC PAIN. Trying to live a normal life becomes immpossible, we do more and as a result have more pain and as a consequence become depressed. If your loved ones have thier nose out of joint you could say I'm sorry but I really was having alot of pain. Don't beat yourself up. You are doing the best you can. I for one feel that you contribute alot to this forum and you are a big help to others. Thankyou for this. Tam take care and know no one's perfect.HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!

Thank you for the comments. I am printing them out, to read them a bit repeatedly, as I am in a funk.

It seems like if I try to be "up", and pain is less, if I make fiance laugh, focus on him, and try very, very hard to keep up with him (while still at home though), we are ok. You know, if I'm still close to the person mentally I used to be, before TOS. But when I get the high pain, and go into the fetal position in bed, it's almost like he gets scared, then makes a fight about anything, and packs up and leaves me.

So now I've got the fear of the high pain plus the fear of these break-ups and being left alone and needing help (new nursing is not in place, and he leaves when I'm at my worst physically.)

I feel at fault because if I'd just hold my words back - not react to his words - then maybe it wouldn't happen... No one wants to be thought of as an "albatross around someone's neck." I mean, none of us are losers!

But my pride sure does cost me.

I finally, finally got some sleep. And oddly enough, once I started sleeping, I slept all night, all day, and until tonight...and now I feel human again. I felt CRAZY yesterday. Those electrical zingers have stopped in my brain - that's one symptom that really wigs me out, too.

Thanks again for the outpouring of understanding and support and giving me back a feeling of being cared for. I really missed my grandmother who passed last May recently. If you have someone in your life like her, who gives you love, take and share as much as you can while we have the time together, because I sure miss her every day. I don't know what I'd do without you all.

Tam
If we saw our children in that kind of pain we would pack them off to the ER for the CrapShoot, of a doctor to being down the pain level. After all theyu can;t release until they reduce symptoms or admit.

I found when I took my kids in off the chart pain, an IV started; a dose of Toradol and valium, and they generally give something like demerol, is a good start to reduce inflamation, spasms, and ultimatly some pain.

I have gon into the ER with tears running down my face with cervogenic head pain and this concoction helps so much if docs listen. When the nerves are super inflamed they do not come down from opiads, they need some anti inflamatory, and something to work on the spasms. They could shoot Demeral off the chart and it won't touch the nerve pain.

I hope you feel better. Tam, I know you have a long endearing relationship wiht you fiance, but why in God's name would he leave when you need him the most. That adds more pain to you. The emotional truma of in and out has to contribute to bracing, walking on eggshells and stress.

Can you both get into counseling to get rid of that part of your relationship. You have to work through it, not accomadate it.
My love
di