Hello Again,


Thanks so much again dear family, you are amazing beyond words!!!
G~

Grom,
I am sure glad that your road is taking this new lane of travel. When dealing with the huge year you had, escape is often a need rather then the desire. I did want to pass on a thought thought about trying to do it yourself.

When things several years ago were so overwhelmed dealing with De's injury, my injury at work that robbed my loved career, I ahd to start over and did not even know it.

I had noticed an ad in the paper for a psychirtrist that dealt with chronic pain patients. The focus is that people dealing with these issues have different needs of creating a new life and morning the loss one, then someone in crisis without the physical problems that go along. It is a different pair of eyes you see and legs you travel, with contributing factors that these professionals understand.

Doc Jim was amazing, I did not know I had to let go of my old life, I didn't want to, I wanted it back. I had to go through two years of one deciding to go back to school, then doing it to see there was another life for me.
I didn't want it, but after time I saw it was better. Who wants to at 50 years old and many obligations be out at midnight on horrid life threatening calls. I did for a long time, but see it is time to pass that on to the younger...going into a field that instead I can be an instructor, sharing a life of experiance instead.

My point is, I did what I could on my own to try and glue the pieces together, but long term realize it was a weight off my shoulders to let someone else take it from me, give me permission to "get a life" and they would carry the burden, Guiding me to the life ahead. My glue was like liking an envelope with out the sticky on it, just fell apart.

Tragically, doc Jim was killed in a car accident just feet from his home many years ago. I never got to show him how I took the permission and went back to school excelled, and even work a little. Even if I did not work, I feel great I did it, that degree is something no one can ever take away from me!
It feels great at work, to be told good job, or recognize something I contributed made a huge affect on the case I was working.

From an unconsoable child to be playing wonderfully when an anxious parent returned, to a terminated vist, being told by the child, "mommy, sit here, wait I am playing". (I supervise monitored vistis between child and abusers, sexual and physical) The head of the organization came over to me and thanked me for doing something I did as second nature.

Enough about me, what I want to share with many of us in stressful lifes; need to know we can morn, find a new direction incorporating the new limitations and changes into something worthwile and good. Small or big.

Even your step daughter has to learn, maybe through her own life experiance that life is going on, and changes don't have to be bad, but what we make of them can benefit us.

Good that you have us and we have you here our friend,
Di

Your story means so much to me, and hopefully it will be meaningful to others that are facing the same challenge. That's what is so wonderful about this place. It is so comforting to come here and find just the right words to help you get back on track.

Thanks so much for taking the time and making the effort to reach out to someone in need.

Hugs to you and your family,
G~

I am truly very sorry I've been too sick to call or write you during this incredibly difficult time you're having. I did pray a lot for us though!

About "giving permission" -

also give permission to yourself to NOT be here,

to NOT have to answer the phone,

to NOT have to take on everyone's problems, etc.

My feeling of you is that you may take on too much, when you need help yourself.

Also, if you don't like your counselor, keep searching for one you like.

It took me until the 5th counselor (in work comp) to now have this grief counselor who seems perfect. The one my attorney chose and raved about was incredibly rude and was just about making the buck - and my attorney was personally hurt that I didn't rave about him also. Well, I stuck to my wishes that for my personality, we didn't mesh, and I hunted on. Now I found an incredible "Grief" counselor who is doing all of my counseling via phone. Perfect.

So stick up for yourself in these days ahead, sweet one.

If you're ever able to travel to OC, we have a spare room for you & hubby in a queen bed, or reas. hotel nearby.

Hello,
I am happy to read what is going on with your husband.
I wish you all the best to start together for a second time.
Barbara

Thanks so much Barbara and Tam,

Two dear ones who suffer so much and yet take the time to comfort others!!
I hope you both are able to have a pleasant day today!!

Tam, you have me pegged. I'm not good at saying No,still trying to learn how to. And I do need to deal with the losses from this injury. The loss of time, years of time...the loss of income, the loss of indedpendence, the loss of aspects of my identity, my passions. I'm a hands on person, so of course everything I like to do to relax and/or have fun is gone. Gardening is out the window, hiking, horse back riding...Haaa ! What a fuuny thought. I still can't even drive much less try to ride a horse. No dog training, No dog agility competitions, no piano lessons.

I havn't had a chance to think about me much less all the things I miss, all the plans for the future that need to be changed. It really has been crazy for awhile around here.

I know that Di has a valid point, that good things can and will come. I just wish I wasn't surrounded by so many active healthy people who look at me and can't figure out what is wrong. I've had the surgery and they expect me to be fixed. I've even gone so far as to explain that with 2 neck muscles gone and a rib missing, my body's architecture has changed and is more fragile than ever. I need time to heal before I can even focus on strengthening, and I will never be 100%.

My inlaws horseback ride, snorkel,water ski, parasail, you name it they do it. And I just sit on the sidelines. Hubby will still do some of the tamer activities, when he feels up to it, and can at the very least, go out on the boat. I can't do that! I can barely ride in the car. It feels like a roller coaster ride. I feel so left out and isolated.

Anyway, I do need to find new things to occupy my time, help me feel productive. I am/was a Type A and have a hard time sitting and doing nothing. I need more to do than p.t. and yet physically I am not there yet!

Oh well... Time and the Serenity prayer, and more time.....

Hugs to All and wishes for a pain free day!
G~

Grom,

I understand about feeling frustrated because you can't do the things you used to do, yet can't seem to figure out what you CAN do to replace them. It's so hard to move forward, stop mourning the past, when the future seems so limited. But time and counseling HAS helped. Truthfully, I think having this case hanging over me so long really prevented me from letting go sooner, because without this settlement we would be financially ruined. Even harder to try to build a new life when you don't know if you will soon be losing everything!

If the stimulator works I plan to try tutoring children in reading at the local elementary school. The kids can hold the books! And it would get me back with children at least a few hours a week. One year I helped in the library, gluing date due slips into new books and checking books out for students. The schools can use volunteers for all types of things, as few or many hours as you can give. And if you're having a bad day or week, as a volunteer it's ok to call and tell them you won't be in.

Another possibility is auditing a college class, taking it for pleasure or learning, but not for credit, so you don't have to take the tests (and it's ok if you miss a few classes). Or, with books on tape, you could learn a new language, study a subject like Ancient Greece or Birdsongs in the Brazilian Rainforest or listen to the works of Edgar Allen Poe, the Compleat Shakespeare or Judith Krantz.

If you can find a Feldenkreis instructor near you, that is something you should be able to do, it's very gentle and you will learn ways to move that give you less pain, I think it is beneficial.

But whether you can or choose to do any of these or you find other things to try, I hope you give yourself permission to NOT go along when hubby's family will be doing these activities you can no longer do. If you can only sit on the sidelines and this causes you to be miserable, and these folks don't understand and make you feel even worse, limit the times you are with them. You are probably going for dh's sake, and/or to get out of the house, but it sounds like it is no fun for you at all! Can dh drop you at a friend's instead, or can you make arrangements to do something else when he will be with his family (like have Law come see you?) If you go less often, you will probably be less unhappy when you do. Just some thoughts, Lord knows I've had my own struggles with this, and I know how lonely it can be there on the sidelines.

best wishes and gentle hugs,
beth

Gromliliy

Try again....lost first effort..

I was heartened to read of this news after your originla post....I hope things go well for you....I send you my best wishes.

Also I am like you hate sitting about doing nothing...but enforced to watch others do what I used to do and no longer go to work....my biggest frustration as I loved my job. Give yourself sometime and something will crop up that you can do....I have now for the first time heard the bells of our local church (very close less than 1/4 mile) the birds sing, the hush after the little ones off to school..but still yearn for something. I have tried doing some cardmaking.....hard and frustrating as sensation decreased etc but may take along time to finish one but am getting there. It keeps my thinking/arty side going.

Anyway less of me,,,,,I hope that you can find something to ease the frustration of not being able to be as active. I wish you the very best and hope that each day brings a little more relief for you..and also very best wishes with you and your husband.

To everyine else....my best wishes as ususal.

Love Hx

Thanks so much for your suggestions and encouragment. Two more people who have really have had a hard time. I feel almost petty in my complaints knowing what you two have been through!!

I pray the stimulator will be the answer for you Beth!! I am so hopeful it will give you the relief you deserve!!! I can't wait to hear when you are getting it!

Both of your suggestions for getting on with my future are good ones. Right now it is very difficult to do repetive things with my hands. The more I use them in a repetitive manner the less exact they are and I still will eventually hurt all the way up to the top of my head after a short amount of time !! I am just now able to sit at the computer for any length of time.

But I do need to stop and appreciate the things I can do, and look for new things to do. I have thought about taking Gromit to rest homes to visit the elderly with my Pastor. He can help me with Gromit and can do the driving. ( I still can't drive.) Gromit still has to mellow out a bit first though.

That is something to look forward to though!! Reading and studying something new is a great idea. I can't hold books yet, but am getting a sliding board so that will be nice. Also, I am ordering some books on c.d. so that will be fun!

It is definitley time to follow the lead of the seasons and relax and mellow some !(as the days have here in Northen Ca.)

Thanks so much, both of you and best wishes for a healthy day!
G~

I know I said I was not going to post for a while as I an in awful pain, but before I lie down......

Gromlily...reading is one thing I really miss, holding a book is really awkward and since surgery I feel that the writing is unstable (I do wear glasses and had retest), think all down to drugs etc...

The last Harry Potter book is half read...the point at which I stopped pre surgery.....

The best thing is I get to read with little fella...perhaps he can read it to me...he has just started year 3 and is doing really well,but some words in Potter are a little hard to grasp yet.

Gromlily.....look after you....and thanks for kind words...I wish you well.
Thinking of you ....and signing off for sometime. Take care all.
Helen