I could not have expressed it any better! Finz, we were BOTH married to men with a Personality Disorder!

Is he off of that anti depressant now or still taking it??, it sounds like might not have been the right one for him.

Hey,

Sorry things aren't going well in many ways for you. When it rains it pours. I've been TOSing for 9 years. It's a pain in the marriage all right. Causes plenty of stress cracks, like we need that. You're not alone.

Counseling may help you, I agree. I find it hard to get "help" for myself. At least you're asking for help with this problem.

One thing I learned from this long, lonely experience, a day lost can never be recovered. so many lost days and nights...

I hope you two can get closer in the end.

(Broken Wings)

Thanks, First He is off the medication. I think he needs something different. I am going to go to counseling with or without him. He just turns the attitude off and on and I can't do that. Tomorrow is his birthday so I am going to try to be "happy". I made reservations for our family at a nice restaurant and hope for the best.

My family is so supportive of me and everyone is afraid to come over. My teenage sons are afraid to ask to do anything with my family. And, I have to say, my family is the "normal" family. It helps me to write this and I am sorry to be a burden. Just know that it does help me to get it out. I don't know how to get my frustrations out. Physical sports are not possible.Atleast not the type I would like to do! Thanks! Linda

You might want to ask the Dr. about Celexa or Celebrex. Bill was on the Celexa and he loved it. He said everyone should be on it. He was probably right in this world today.

Do try to get some councelling for yourself and spend time with your family alone or with the kids if you have to and if he says anything about it, just tell him he's not going to stop you from spending time with them.

You aren't no burden. Many of us go through this in marriage when one or both are ill.

Ada

linda

my thots are with u and i am trying to project some strength ur way.

i know horses and kids don't quite compare, but i had an emotionally abusive partner who got at me by threatening my horses. when i had him evicted legally i found secret homes for my horses and some of them i never got back because i had to sell them. he also threatened a palimony suite which fortuneately was all talk.

it sounds like u r not thinking of leaving, right now, but if u do i know how unpredictable that could be with the kids and all. i hope u find a solution that works for everybody. i am horrified at what the doctor did but it does not surprise me. my last straw with the ex-partner was when he threatened to shoot the horses, and then threw out enough alfalfa to colic them. i snuck in the house to try to lock his guns in the closet. he caught on so i called the police, and then removed most of the alfalfa. the police told me to leave the house with him in it. he was just so slimy cozying up to them they believed a load of crap he was feeding them.

I guess more of us go through this type of situation than I thought. DH is on Celebrex now. He just started it. I could probably use it too but would like to stay away from too many meds. It got me in trouble in the past. We did go out tonight for his birthday which turned out ok.

It just upsets me about my family. I call my mom every morning at 8 am. We talk for about 15 minutes. I don't speak to my father as much and the same as my sisters.

I am just never sure of the mood. And stress increases pain.

I saw my neuro today and had what I consider a positive visit. Onward with MRI's and bloodwork. We'll see what happens

How does everyone deal with a difficult marriage without throwing in the towel! I could never leave, with 4 kids and a dog what do you do? I think he needs someone to talk to besides me.

On a happy note, we purchased a butterfly tent and ordered the caterpillars. You leave them in a special box until they attach to the lid and then transfer them to the tent. They have now morphed into Painted Lady Butterflies. It has been a fun experience and my 6 year old loves it. We will release them within a few days.

Once I can figure out how to post pictures I'll put some on. Thanks again, Linda

I have to say having an abusive ex before tos was hell. EVEN more HELL with I can imagine....you have the right to be treated with RESPECT everyday no matter the issues and no matter the moods or the pain. RESPECT is part of your marriage vows isn't it??? I know my guy now is amazing and will move heaven and earth to help me but there are days he complains about the no sex thing.....how do you feel sexy at a 7-8/10 pain!!!! I sure as hell don't.....

Not the point. I read Dr. Phil's book Life Stratagies....I didn't get past the third chapter and left the jerk.....we split the cats up between us....he threatened me and told me nobody would ever love me as much as he had and that nobody would ever be as good to me in bed as he was.....yadda yadda crap......again not the point....

you need to help yourself to cope so going for councilling is an amazing and brave step!! BRAVO to you pat yourself on the back and know you ARE doing the right thing here!! no matter the situation the therapist will give YOU tools to put into action in your life so that you are able to cope and able to help him to cope with your pain....it's not going anywhere anytime soon I imagine.

So coping is your best stratagy right now so do as much as you need to do to do that and it sounds like you have good support with your Mom....get her to come with you and help you by maybe taking notes..unless it is too personal and you can't feel it is safe for her to be there with you. I am undergoing this amazing thing called body focused therapy and it is wicked!!!
http://www.debelkin.com/approach.html

this is sort of like what she does but it really does help and I leave crying a good cry letting out years of stress i had no idea I was holding onto and I know we have only just touched the surface...so keep up your therapy and know it will work!! It is not always easy to be the only one doing something but men sometimes have a hard time admitting they need help! It's true guys and you know it....ego thing.....!

I hope things go well over the next week and do keep us posted we are here for you my dear!!!

love and hugs,
Victoria

"I know my guy now is amazing and will move heaven and earth to help me but there are days he complains about the no sex thing.....how do you feel sexy at a 7-8/10 pain!!!! I sure as hell don't....."


Vic

Been there. I just provided a service... for him. And at the worset, it would be a 3-day attempt for him.

Not that way today, though. Thank God. Hang in there, my friend. It can get better.

(Broken Wings)

Hi! Things seem to be getting alittle better. I think the new meds are helping him. We have been together for 23 years and this recent attitude is different than his normal personality. I am not making excuses for him but he also is diabetic and his sugar has been up to 400. He needs to take better care of himself and I can't always be the one. I try to have the correct foods but it is up to him.

Anyway, The BUTTERFLIES! They turned out to be very beautiful. We would line the bottom of their "tent" with flowers and sliced oranges. I was waiting for warmer weather to release them but we had to last night. I was like a mother and didn't want them to go. But, I found one dead and was afraid that if I kept them longer, it may affect the others. My daughter was ok with it. My oldest thought we shouldn't tell her that it died but I didn't think we needed to hide it from her. She has to learn certain things in life and a dead butterfly is the least of my worries.

In the next ten days I have my son's 8th grade dance, kindergarten pool party at my house, her class party, 8th grade graduation, a wedding, ballet dance recital and my daughter's 20th birthday, also I guess fathers day and my mother-in-laws birthday! I don't know how I'll do it but, I will!

Have a great night everyone! Linda