Originally Posted by concussionkate

Hi,

I'm really sorry you have been going through this for so long without any relief. I'm glad you have been handling it well until recently. I have a very supportive husband and my children are supportive too, but it ends there. People really don't understand what we are going through every day.

It's amazing how people will come up to me and tell me how good I look or seem. It makes me angry inside, but I do keep a smile on my face. I really try to keep a good attitude, but there are times where I get discouraged and frustrated.

I think it's really helpful to vent your frustrations and anger out to people who will listen without judgement or trying to "fix it".

I struggled with my faith for a while when all this first started. I was mad at God and angry that I had to change my life so drastically. For the moment I am embracing where I am and what I am going through. I feel very close to Him and it encourages me most days.

There are still days where I really feel sick and I get angry and frustratred. I feel bad that I get so angry. My husband and kids are understanding, and I am so blessed by that!

I'm here for you if you want to vent.

Originally Posted by pcshealer

Welcome, Phyxius!

I've had PCS for one year now and, like you, I've become frustrated at the lack of understanding in my family. What helps me to deal with that is to know that they really do mean well; they just don't know how to be supportive. For example, I often hear things like "just be grateful for what you do have" (which I am) or "you can't dwell on it" or "just hang in there," etc.


They fail to realize that I'm looking for their understanding and NOT their simplistic answers or advice. The more I can talk about my feelings with people who are supportive and empathetic, the more I can let go of those feelings of anger, frustration, or resentment.

Do you have anyone in your life who can understand and give you support? If not, I encourage you to find support through groups like this one.

I pray that you soon find new hope and a new direction for your life.

Don

Originally Posted by Mark in Idaho

Phyxius,

If you had MENSA qualifications in the past, you have a great background to work with. The likely biggest change you are trying to understand is due to that intelligence. Most MENSA types have that skill due to extraordinary memory functions. With those memory functions, they develop outstanding processing skills. Those processing skills are not necessarily gone, just different. Also, MENSA types often develop lousy study skills because they need so little study time.

I crashed hard in college. I hardly had to crack a book in high school, except for my sophomore year when I decomped. By the time I was in college and taking honors courses, I was ilequipped to study . My math and technology/hard science courses were a breeze. My courses that required study were miserable. I decomped in second semester and almost failed.

My suggestion to you is to slow down. Get help from your Disabilites Department. Tutors, extra test time, quiet study areas, etc will be very helpful and should be made available by your Disability Department. Your Disabilities Department needs to understand that your wheelchair is just your obvious disability. You need to tell them about your brain injury disabilities. Remember, our brain injuries are often invisible to others.

I would highly suggest writing up a one page explanation of your cognitive/memory struggles and possible accommodations that can be provided. Keep a few copies of this page in with your daily school papers. People will understand you better if your comments are in writing. Verbal requests do not get favorable responses as often. Hand them this page and ask them to read the whole page before they give you a response.

You might want to memorize a line like this: "I need you to read this so you can understand how to help me." If this line is memorized, it can be said without anguish in your voice. And, remember that it will take longer to memorize so take your time.

A standard four year plan may be too much for you, especially early on. Once you learn some work-arounds and accommodations and get the Disability Department assistance you need, you may be able to pick up the pace. Many have gone on to academic success, even if it just took a bit longer.

Don't let others try to force a square peg into a round hole. You are different now. In time, you will likely notice new skills that were not available to you as a MENSA type. Value these new skills, even if they are just an ability to sit and observe others as they scurry about like hampsters on a hampster wheel.

Originally Posted by Hockey

Hi and welcome to NT!

I so understand the desire to want to run away and start anew. I think, at its base, what motivates that impulse is the notion that we would be starting again WITHOUT THE TBI. Unfortunately, that just isn't true: the brain injury is part of who we are and no matter where we go or what we change, it will still be there.

I know that family members can be frustrating, but we need them now more than we ever did. I think the trick is not to expect them to understand everything that is happening to us. Afterall, I don't even understand everything that is happening to me. I know I'm angry about what happened to me and I struggle (not always successfully) not to lash out against the closest and most convenient targets - my innocent family.

As others have said, we have to cast a wide net to get the support we need. Joining NT is a good step. Here you will find people who truly "get it." Searching the Brain Injury Association web page for a support group in your area is also a great move. A support group for the people who care for you can be an essential part of helping them understand your head injury and lowering the stress and tension in your home.

Try not to be too hard on your family. When I first got hurt I was so frustrated with how they were acting. I mean, what the heck was wrong with them? Then, in an all too rare moment of insight, I thought, "They haven't changed; I have."

I know it's hard, but try to remember that the injury can make us impulsive and reckless. Please fight against the urge to do anything rash you might later regret. When you need to vent, come here and we'll listen.

Cheers

Originally Posted by Lucy

I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you Phyxius. My husband left me as well about 3 months after the bumps that changed my life. I since realized that I was the strong one in the relationship and simply didn't have the energy to cope with "sorting" him out and copying with myself. - you certainly find out who your friends are. There are also the people that say to you I don't know how you cope - well what else are you meant to do? Also the classic from the second psychologist that I saw was that many people would be more than happy with your test results! Der........ I'm not happy with any average, high average etc testing - average never existed for me, nothing below 90% existed, I could repeat conversations word for word, I was top out of 300 entering college.

I don't know how you are meant to forget your old self, maybe first acknowledge what you had and get over it - I have had counseling but it didn't really do a lot for me. I spent a lot of time trying to work out how it was going to work. Maybe if you were told it you think like this then this will help you over come ..... whatever.

I get annoyed with people who don't put any effort into what they are doing and saying - lazy thinkers and tend to avoid those that I can. I believe the higher the IQ pre accident the harder time you have coping afterwords - I did read that somewhere.

Sorry I have waffled on - I am good at that nowadays!

Lynlee