Hi Phyxius,

Dr. Diane Stoler, who is a neuropsychologist who has had one traumatic brain injury and two minor traumatic brain injuries plus other neurological disorders, talks about going through a grieving process with your old self. According to her, in order for us to get on with our lives, we need to bury who we used to be, grieve for that person, then begin anew with a new person. So, I think you are on the right track with wanting to start anew. I'm not sure it this involves excommunicating yourself from your family or not as I'm not a psychologist. But, like I said, it sounds like you are moving in the right direction.

Hi Phyxius,

Sadly, over 80% of marriages end after a serious brain injury. I'm struggling to hold mine together mostly using that "pretend nothing is wrong strategy" you mentioned. Yeah, I wonder how that's going to work out...

I know how hard it is to let go of your old self. I'm three years in and I still haven't managed it. However, one thing I've learned is to keep close to the friends and family who are postive and to drift away from the ones who drag me down.

And by positive, I don't mean the mindless cheerleaders who gush over how great you look, deminish your injury by saying they make the same memory mistakes, swear you're just like you always were (really!) and tell you that you'll soon be back to your old job. I'm never going back and these folks just depress me.

On the other hand, I have friends and family that have been great helps in my physical and emotional rehab. These people help me with my cognitive therapy without reminding me how quickly I used to finish the NYTimes crossword. They let me cry when I need to, but always urge me to move forward. The nicest thing a friend ever said to me was, "You're speaking far more smoothly than you were six months ago." This made me feel great because it was honest and I'd worked hard to get there.

I also have new friends since the injury. Virtual friends here and folks from my local support group; great people I never would have met otherwise.

Try to congratulate yourself when you achieve something. I know school is much harder for you than it was before. However, brain injury aside, most people never muster the intellect and work ethic to tackle college.

Cheers

Phyxius,

If you had MENSA qualifications in the past, you have a great background to work with. The likely biggest change you are trying to understand is due to that intelligence. Most MENSA types have that skill due to extraordinary memory functions. With those memory functions, they develop outstanding processing skills. Those processing skills are not necessarily gone, just different. Also, MENSA types often develop lousy study skills because they need so little study time.

I crashed hard in college. I hardly had to crack a book in high school, except for my sophomore year when I decomped. By the time I was in college and taking honors courses, I was ilequipped to study . My math and technology/hard science courses were a breeze. My courses that required study were miserable. I decomped in second semester and almost failed.

My suggestion to you is to slow down. Get help from your Disabilites Department. Tutors, extra test time, quiet study areas, etc will be very helpful and should be made available by your Disability Department. Your Disabilities Department needs to understand that your wheelchair is just your obvious disability. You need to tell them about your brain injury disabilities. Remember, our brain injuries are often invisible to others.

I would highly suggest writing up a one page explanation of your cognitive/memory struggles and possible accommodations that can be provided. Keep a few copies of this page in with your daily school papers. People will understand you better if your comments are in writing. Verbal requests do not get favorable responses as often. Hand them this page and ask them to read the whole page before they give you a response.

You might want to memorize a line like this: "I need you to read this so you can understand how to help me." If this line is memorized, it can be said without anguish in your voice. And, remember that it will take longer to memorize so take your time.

A standard four year plan may be too much for you, especially early on. Once you learn some work-arounds and accommodations and get the Disability Department assistance you need, you may be able to pick up the pace. Many have gone on to academic success, even if it just took a bit longer.

Don't let others try to force a square peg into a round hole. You are different now. In time, you will likely notice new skills that were not available to you as a MENSA type. Value these new skills, even if they are just an ability to sit and observe others as they scurry about like hampsters on a hampster wheel.

Hi Mark,
Thanks for the response. I did use disability services last semester and they gave me extra test time and allowed me to test in the testing center. I've decided that I will need to find a new option when I take the math class again. They use that testing center for all placement tests and the procter was just LOUD. My biggest problem is that the the least little sound or movement distracts me beyond belief.
I'm thinking maybe I should talk to my doc about something I can do to corral my mind.
Thanks for your response.