[mbrook]

It's been 9 months sense my TBI and even though I have learned to read again and am allowed to drive once more I have just lost so much. My job-teacher, I had to move in with a friend (who I feel like a burden to), many of my friends no longer call, I'm beyond broke, most days I don't get out of bed or leave my room. I know who I am and who I was but I can't make them united together. It's fustrating to have your body betray you, it drives you insane when you can't trust your brain. Are those real memories or a dream? Did that happen yesterday or 3 months ago? Can I even trust my emotions around others? I don't want to bother anyone and tell them what I am really thinking or feeling. I wish that car accident would have just ended all of this and made my existance easier. I'm scared that if anyone finds out what i'm thinking they will think I'm crazy. I just don't want to start my life over, it's not worth it. I feel trapped and I want everyone to think I am ok but I really just want to die.

[vini]

welcome to nt

adjusting to a altered self is the hardest part of an injury, on the sticky,s at the top of the page are some support groups and organizations that will help you, the system leaves. people with no support network , so its up to us to seek them out, the whole thing with TBI is it takes time. to recover . look how far you have come.

you need not be on your own with this

keep us posted

[eponagirl]

mbrook, I know how you feel! I've had similiar thoughts of despair myself. Just reading the posts here and reaching out has helped, so maybe that will do something, even small for you too.

Do you have any of the recommended books to also help reassure you? Two of them:
Brainlash
Coping with Mild Traumatic Brain Injury

Please keep us posted and don't give up.

[BeccaP]

I've felt that way at times. I don't know any quick or pat answer. I still struggle with it, although I'm much better at the one year mark and hope for a full recovery at some point in the future. It helps me to focus on what I can do, not what I've lost. It is hard to accept that I'm not the same, but I've had more peace since I came to terms with it. You're not crazy and this site is wonderful place for support, we understand. Hang in there.

Best wishes to you...

[Mark in Idaho]

mbrook,

mTBI is almost impossible to handle on your own. You need to be very strong to go it alone. Try trusting those who appear willing to listen. You will be surprised at how much they care, especially, once they understand. You definitely need to download and print out the TBI Survival Guide at http://www.drakecenter.com/file.axd?...vivalGuide.pdf

Have your friends read it too. They will have ah ha moments that will empower them to help you. many are just confused as to how to respond to you, much less help you.

Your friend needs to read it. It will help with household situations.

You probably should see a professional to help determine if you are suffering from depression. I had horrible struggles with depression from many of the concussions I suffered in my younger years.

One of the doctors I saw got me started on good vitamin nutrition and it helped immensely. I have posted many times about my nutritional recommendations.

Hormones can also get very out of balance from a concussion. A good blood panel including thyroid (T-3, T-4, TSH), sex hormones, B-12, folate, Vit D, etc. PCS subjects need to be at the high end of the normal range for B-12 and the others. Avoiding or severely limiting caffeine, MSG, aspartame (Equal sweetener) is helpful.

Let us know about your specific symptoms. There are many ways to deal with the symptoms of PCS.

My best to you.

[mbrook]

I'm just having a hard time trying to understand my new life. I'm 32 and now I have to start all over- new job, the foods I eat have even changed, and I'm trying to figure out who I'm suppose to be.
My Dr.s say I have Post Concussive Syndrome and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and want to put me on anti-depressants and anxiety meds. I just can't take any more pills. I'm already on major pain meds and seizure meds.
I know I shouldn't be ashamed to tell people but I'm afraid they will think I am stupid or that I can't make my own decisions. I just keep saying I'm "Ok". Why am I so paranoid?

[Tralee]

Dear mbrook,

I am so sorry for all that you are going through. You definitely are not going crazy! You have been through so much.

At times it can be hard to have faith when you are feeling so desperate, helpless, and in tremendous pain. Please do know and believe that you are still healing. It takes time. Continue to fight for your recovery and it WILL continue to get better in time.

I am sorry that friends have not been supportive. Unfortunately, many cannot understand an injury that they cannot see. When you look well and speak well, some people just don’t get it. That is frustrating to say the least.

Suggestion above to share TBI Survival guide with family and friends is a good idea. There will be some who still don't get it but others will have the ah, ha moment Mark mentioned. Awareness and education is a good thing to share.

It is my daughter who suffers with PCS. We have felt a lack of kindness, support, and understanding at times from some. Truly does add insult to injury. It can be hurtful although I know it is based on ignorance. I have to believe that one day they will understand. There is no point in dwelling on those that aren't supportive.

On the other hand, others will be very compassionate and understanding. I strongly suggest that you reach out to support groups as others have suggested here. It may help you to speak with others who are or have been in your shoes. You are not alone in this.

You mentioned that your doctor suggested anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety meds but you were reluctant to take them. Honestly, I would listen to your doctor. It may help you significantly and is worth a try. It doesn’t mean it is forever, you are continuing to heal.

Try to focus and think about the positive things going for you and feel encouraged by your progress. You said that you are reading and driving again and that is HUGE progress. Look how far you have come! You will continue to recover and heal in time.

The great thing about joining a support group is that it not only can help you but can help others at the same time. You have a story to tell that may help others.

For example…initially, my daughter had trouble reading and that was absolutely terrifying. We were afraid she would never be able to read again and she was such an avid reader. It would have helped us tremendously to have spoken to someone like you who could say….”I was not able to read either but now I can read and drive, etc”.

Please keep fighting for your recovery. Be patient with yourself. You have been through so much and have come so far. You are healing and you are getting better.

Originally Posted by mbrook

I'm just having a hard time trying to understand my new life. I'm 32 and now I have to start all over- new job, the foods I eat have even changed, and I'm trying to figure out who I'm suppose to be.
My Dr.s say I have Post Concussive Syndrome and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and want to put me on anti-depressants and anxiety meds. I just can't take any more pills. I'm already on major pain meds and seizure meds.
I know I shouldn't be ashamed to tell people but I'm afraid they will think I am stupid or that I can't make my own decisions. I just keep saying I'm "Ok". Why am I so paranoid?

[Mark in Idaho]

mbrook.

I am with you about meds. I am on a SSRI and anti-seizure med. The SSRI has serious side effects. I take it to help with my mind getting stuck in repetitive mundane thoughts, what I call looping.

Anti-depressants are commonly prescribed for PCS. Often by well meaning doctors who are ignorant about PCS.

My SSRI causes postural rigidity (muscle tension) symptoms.

Amitriptyline is commonly prescribed in small doses ( 10 mgs per day) to help with some of the PCS symptoms.

Anti-seizure meds can also be over-prescribed. Have you had seizures that are being treated or are the seizure meds a preventative measure?

It helps with the frustration when the PCS patient takes some control over their treatment. By learning as much as possible, the PCS patient can make decisions about meds and other treatments from a position of knowledge. Just letting the doctors take shots in the dark as they try to treat the PCS can make the situation worse. Very few physicians have any true understanding of PCS. They tend to treat the anxiety and depression symptoms without much, if any consideration for the PCS.

The best physicians will listen to the patient and confirm the symptoms that are from the PCS. The patient often needs to know their symptoms are PCS caused and that they are not 'going crazy.' The TBI Survival Guide helps with this 'am I going crazy" issue.

Try to get to know and understand the new you. Then you can say, "This is just the PCS talking, not my mind going crazy. "

Believe me, we have all been there.

Have you had a neuro-psych assessment? It can help with understanding your symptoms.

Again, let us know about your specific symptoms. Someone will have gone through the same symptoms and learned accommodations or work-arounds for dealing with them.

My best to you.

[Grady Lady]

Dear mbrook,
I too am a teacher with PCS. Today is my first day at HOME school, no commuting, no bells and no children, just me and my home.
Ah darlin', I sooo know how you are feeling. Your world has been turned upside down and you are used to standing on your feet in front of a classroom of exploring eyes.
It's time for yours and my eyes to explore differently.
We are being home schooled......
This forum truly has opened my eyes to see and understand in ways I had not before.
Read and learn
And KNOW you are not alone
Peace

Originally Posted by mbrook

It's been 9 months sense my TBI and even though I have learned to read again and am allowed to drive once more I have just lost so much. My job-teacher, I had to move in with a friend (who I feel like a burden to), many of my friends no longer call, I'm beyond broke, most days I don't get out of bed or leave my room. I know who I am and who I was but I can't make them united together. It's fustrating to have your body betray you, it drives you insane when you can't trust your brain. Are those real memories or a dream? Did that happen yesterday or 3 months ago? Can I even trust my emotions around others? I don't want to bother anyone and tell them what I am really thinking or feeling. I wish that car accident would have just ended all of this and made my existance easier. I'm scared that if anyone finds out what i'm thinking they will think I'm crazy. I just don't want to start my life over, it's not worth it. I feel trapped and I want everyone to think I am ok but I really just want to die.

[Chemar]

hi mbrook

I hope you are feeling encouraged with the understanding and support here.

When you first posted in the Sanctuary forum, you touched many hearts, and I know prayers are lifted for you

I posted this on our pets forum, but I wanted to leave it here too, as a reminder to you that there are others who care about you because they know how you are feeling. I hope this brings hope and inspiration to not lose hope

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK9Xj7eY0UU&sns=fb