[Tengboche]

Ok, this is a horrible thing for me to admit, much less put it out there but I just have to.

Summary: PCS, MVA 11 months ago, off work on short term disability and soon to go to long term disability.

I had a small stressfull event today which really isn't a big deal but it set me off immensly.

I had to go to my dr to get him to re-do a form. While waiting in the very full waiting room, I was in the "fog", had a huge headache and just felt stressed. There was a woman sitting next to me with a toddler on her lap. The toddler had a soother in his mouth and kept making a moaning sound over and over again.

It took every ounce of energy that I had not to punch this baby! I can't believe that this was my reaction! I obviously didn't, and was relieved when the lady left the waiting room.

When I got into the dr's office, I started to cry. I have since resolved the paperwork that started this whole temper tantrum that I had but just can't get over how angry and violent I felt.

I guess that this is just further proof that I am not ready to go back to work to a very busy and stressful job full time! I want to work, and am trying to do some part time hours when I can, but this worries me a bit!


Is this common? I have felt like this at home in the past few months, but never out in public.

Im just so fed up.

[pbob10]

I'm sorry you're experiencing this, and as it goes I cannot relate as such because I haven't noticed any obvious changes in my temper since my injury.

However, and this may be an OCD related issue but I cannot stand the sound of people eating, it drives me crazy sometimes. At times I feel I have to remove myself from a room because it frustrates me so much. While it may be more difficult for you to accept this since it may be PCS related, you're not alone when it comes to irrational anger and I was getting that with the food thing before I even had the brain injury that caused PCS. I have a parent who has the same thing and who to my knowledge has never had a concussion.

Next time, try and take yourself away from the situation, get some fresh air and try to think rationally. It wont solve the problem, but it will help at the time.

Good luck with your recovery.

[Tengboche]

Hi,
Thanks for this. I do have to say, that I would never do anything like that to anyone at all. I am a very calm person, so this is such a departure from how I am.

I have read some other posts, and I know that quick movements are a huge trigger for me, and certain noises. So I can see that the combo of the headache, stress, noise and such led to my anger.

I am just going to work on removing myself from these situations as I don't ever want to have that feeling!

Thanks!

[PCSLearner]

JoanneBC: It took a tremendous amount of courage to post about your experience with rage. I'm happy to see that you are openly discussing it and acknowledging what might have triggered you. I'm sure others have experienced these feelings.

Have you had your hormones tested? Seems a likely culprit, or at least a contributor.

All I really know about rage and PCS is that our doc sent my daughter for psych testing for depression and "irrational rage" as a precaution...said everyone should be screened following head injury. I haven't seen too much of these feelings/behaviors in her, but I think if she would have felt better physically earlier on we might have all had reason to fear for our lives.

The sound of cutlery touching anything else made her angry...you should see how strange I look loading the dishwasher trying to be silent, even now that she doesn't complain about that anymore. The other day she said, "why are you doing that? you look silly."

[Tengboche]

Thank you so much, I was seriously thinking of deleting this post as I am so horrified that I even posted it. I must sound frightening and crazy. But I have very little support other than my boyfriend, my work and my friends.

I have always hated the sounds cutlery makes, but thats just an odd pet peeve of mine!

I can't take multiple conversations, whistling, talking on the phone (cause I can't "picture" what people are talking about), movement and anything loud.
I will absolutley look into the hormone thing, and I am seeing my therapist soon.

I think that a career in hospitality and non-profit proves that I am not this "angry woman" that I felt today, and I know that I am struggling with the "not being able to work" and accepting that this is how it is for now. I am a person who works many jobs (and loves it), is doing hard core boot camp work outs, trekked Mt Everest Base camp 5 months after coming off of a 5 year morphine prescription (pill pushing dr, and terrible endometriosis).

So I know that I have to accept, and go moment to moment.

I appreciate the support, and I really do love children!

[pbob10]

Originally Posted by PCSLearner

JoanneBC: It took a tremendous amount of courage to post about your experience with rage. I'm happy to see that you are openly discussing it and acknowledging what might have triggered you. I'm sure others have experienced these feelings.

Have you had your hormones tested? Seems a likely culprit, or at least a contributor.

All I really know about rage and PCS is that our doc sent my daughter for psych testing for depression and "irrational rage" as a precaution...said everyone should be screened following head injury. I haven't seen too much of these feelings/behaviors in her, but I think if she would have felt better physically earlier on we might have all had reason to fear for our lives.

The sound of cutlery touching anything else made her angry...you should see how strange I look loading the dishwasher trying to be silent, even now that she doesn't complain about that anymore. The other day she said, "why are you doing that? you look silly."

Just a thought... I have used unloading the dishwasher, specifically cutlery as a measure of improvement. For a long time, I couldn't put the cutlery away by just dropping it into the drawer because my ears were too sensitive and would almost shudder due to the sharp noise of it. My ears are still very sensitive, but recently I noticed that I was dropping cutlery in without even thinking about my ears, and then realised it wasn't having the same effect. Maybe I just had a good day, I'm not sure and need to test it out some more, but may be an idea to consider because measuring improvement as you no doubt know is very difficult.

[PCSLearner]

pbob10: I don't think it's a silly way to measure improvement at all. I also monitor my daughter's improvement by how quickly or slowly she goes up stairs, how expressive she is in telling a story (hand movements/eye-rolling/details), the time she spends on her hair in the morning, and a myriad of other seemingly trivial things. It all adds up.

JoanneBC: Check postings by Mark in Idaho and mhr4 (I think that's it) for specific hormone testing. If you just say, "check my hormones" you may not get the right stuff. They have posted details about adrenal saliva tests, pituitary, etc. We were advised not to do it for one year post-injury because hormones go wonky for a year following injury and due to my daughter's age (16-she's already wonky). You are close to that mark so if you did need treatment you might not be chasing a moving target. Does it feel strange to almost be hoping for a hormone imbalance?? Best of luck.

[BeccaP]

Joanne,

I don't think you should feel like you're crazy. The fact that you felt like it, but you didn't do it, is a good thing! I'm a mom of 3 kids and can honestly say that since I had my injury I have struggled with moments of sheer rage, when I've wanted to hit someone. I don't ever punish my children physically so these impulses really alarmed me. Like you, I didn't act on them and as pbob suggested, removed myself from the situation as soon as possible. As the months have passed I have these incidents less and less frequently. I am hopeful to be all the way back to my even tempered self at some point.

I am also extremely sensitive to sounds, cutlery banging, the sound of a fork against a plate when someone is eating next to me, my own voice, others talking to me. Sounds that should be in the normal range are like fingernails against a chalkboard. I still have to do another test but a recent CT scan of my temporal bone (ear) showed a problem called superior canal dehiscence. It is rare but a certain percentage of people are predisposed to it.

If it wasn't that, they were checking me for a perilymph fistula, also an ear problem but with the soft tissues of the inner ear. My symptoms have improved slowly except for those that seem to be related to the ear problems (vestibular system), that symptom set has stayed the same. You can find information about and symptoms of both easily online. Both of these are relatively rare but can happen after a head injury.

My doctor found a thyroid imbalance when my hormones were tested. I don't know if that being out of whack messed up other things and contributed to the crazy emotional responses I've had to things, but in those ways I'm feeling better and better all the time. So, it is worth it to get those hormones thoroughly tested.

Best wishes,

Becca

[roadrunner63]

Since my MVA and PCS I have had several anger episodes and several emotional episodes unlike anything I've ever experienced. This is just to say you're not alone.

[PCSLearner]

BeccaP: You are getting closer and closer to an answer and a solution to your lingering symptoms! YAY YAY YAY! It has been great to watch your progress.

What are your symptoms now?