Hi Mark,

You hit the nail smack dab on the head for me...you put into words what I was thinking, hard as I tried...!!

My fear is just that. That I will be labeled as having "depression" when there is an actual underlying organic etiology for it. I can't tell you HOW many times I told him that I don't have any real reason for feeling the way I do...he kept reiterating how much worse it could be for me...that I should feel lucky that I can walk, talk, drive etc...and gave me examples of previous patients who are far worse off than I am.

Part of me wanted to screech, "I KNOW DUMMY, I've taken care of a thousand TBI's and there is not a SECOND of any given day that I am NOT thankful that it wasn't worse"...instead of focusing on how much worse it could have been, how about we deal with WHAT is in front of us?? Just because I look good, can drive walk and talk, by no means states that my quality of functioning is acceptable because I'm dealing with pain, fatigue, vision issues, light/sound sensitivity..you know the deal. Between him and my Fiance', it was a toss up who was getting smacked first...they should be thankful my impulse control is intact

I'm sick of trying to "convince" people of what I know. After all, it's happening to "me"...I know this is organic, it's a direct result of my injury and it needs to be reflected as such. Period. Just because it's not "worse" doesn't mean that I'm not "suffering".

As for my Fiance'...I've given up trying to help him understand as well. It takes too much energy and I have to take care of myself. If he comes around, fine. If not, that's OK too. I know better than to make a life altering decision at this point, but I won't have the detriment of a non-supportive person in my life either...(that's for another post lol)...

Glad you caught on to my sarcasm. I have never been one to believe that medication is a cure all. You have to understand what the underlying cause is first...I won't be a medicated zombie. Not even for a day.

There is an important component to my injury that I have been hesitant to elaborate about, but feel that maybe it's necessary to mention. I did not mention it to the Neuro because he was clear to say that whatever we discussed would be included in my report to WC.

Upon my return to work last October, I was dealing with a person in authority, someone who had a direct impact on my everyday...who informed several staff members that she thought I was "faking"...who proceeded to challenge me at every turn, who subjected me to the harshest of irrational behaviors...(cornering me in my office with the door shut, screaming obscenities at me because I disagreed with her)...purposefully assigning me multiple tasks when I asked her not too, telling me she was going to purchase a "pink helmet" for me and laughing about it...and then denying she said things to me stating, "you must have forgotten"...making comments like, "geez, maybe you did hit your head a little hard huh?" I believe the accumulative effect of this caused me to crash. I didn't tell the Neuropsych, and am regretting that as I type this. I needed to go with my gut.
Despite my complaints to HR, the person(s) maintained the position within the company....(another boss jumped on the bandwagon and forbid me from having further contact with HR)..I was left no other choice than to file a formal complaint with the big guys...that's all I can really say at this point. It definitely had a poor effect on me...no doubt. I wanted to keep this seperate from my injury as I absolutely did NOT want it to be perceived as "using" my injury for a gain. I look at it so simply, but I know how this convoluted system works too.

Thank you for your support...I will get a copy, he wasn't done compiling his report yet. Then maybe I can make heads or tails from this. Right now, I'm just really trying to focus on getting stronger

He did validate that I'm not "faking"...that superior score showed that...there was a definite divergence in a few areas which I mentioned...we shall see.

I'm really taking it easy today...gonna go take a nap so I don't crash at dinner time again....thanks again so very much for your expertise and kindness...I appreciate it so very much!