So my husband was watching something on Youtube this morning where this guy who has also been suffering from a TBI is explaining what it's like living with PCS. I told him I didn't want to watch it right now, but he insisted it would help me to help him in his recovery. After only 7 minutes of watching I burst into tears and told him I just couldn't watch it right now.

It's not that I don't want to help my husband in his recovery, I'm desperate for that!!! But the hard part is, I know I'm not as loving as I probably should be. I know I'm not AS supportive as I'm sure he needs. I have my own issues I have to deal with in this.

Six months after losing our daughter unexpectedly, my husband has this car wreck that has turned our lives completely upside down. Now I have to try to stay positive, trying to wait on a sick husband...nothing I seemed to do actually ever made him feel better, really all I kept hearing was what NOT to do, or what I needed to be doing instead of this. Only to do what he asked, yet he still didn't seem to be helped because he was still constantly miserable. All the while, trying to keep a 4 yr old absolutely quiet, which was absolutely impossible. I couldn't just leave & take our son to a park or something somewhere, because my husband needed me close by in case he needed something. So no matter what I did or didn't do, my life became this frustrating circle of failure and darkness. Not to even mention the junk I had to go through begging my whole family & all of our friends for help cause we couldn't pay our bills.

So, here I am...it's been almost a year. My husband seemed to be getting better....he seemed almost back to normal. It was really kind of nice having him back. I could have normal conversations with him. We were laughing and joking, our romantic life was getting better, our son was behaving better because he knew Daddy was up & back...and then WHAM! back down he goes. At times, almost as bad as he was when the accident first happened.

I'm writing a lot, and I guess complaining a lot, I have just had this building up for almost a year and literally feel like I am just not even the person I used to be nor want to be anymore. It's the most difficult time in my life. Worse than losing my daughter, is dealing with a husband that is constantly sick. We have no insurance and we spend money on crap that I'm not even sure really helps or does anything in desperation because apparently one neurologist and two chiro's can't help him at all. Everything everyone does to help only makes him feel worse.

He is still our sole source of income, we are paycheck to paycheck. I'm looking for a part time evening job to try to help out with the bills. We have no nearby family that can help, no friends that want to pitch in, so...it is what it is. I find myself getting just tired. Sorry for the complaining, but honestly, sometimes I need to know that I'm not the most selfish jerk on the planet. I know what my husband goes through is misery, but living with someone going through PCS & all of it's ailments...it's no picnic here either. So...I'm trying to stay calm, cause I know getting upset does my hubs no good. Sometimes I just need a place where I get to fall apart. Sometimes I wish there was someone around that could take care of ME through this stuff.

I feel alone. I have the Lord, but it's still hard. Sometimes you just need Jesus with skin...someone that understands how you feel (and no one around me does) to come along side you and say it will be ok and it won't always be this hard.

Anyhow, sorry again for the griping, just needed to vent. I need encouragement sometimes.

I think you would benefit from attending a caregiver's support meeting. They have them at different hospitals and other locations. Here is a link where you can start looking for one: http://www.biausa.org/state-affiliates.htm

Much love and luck to you!!

Please takae of yourself being a caregiver is a 24/7 job. I been a care for over 3 years .

Finding a support group will help and also educating everyone in your path. You'll be surprised who might just step up!

I agree it is exhausting physically and emotionally being the caregiver. My situation is different than yours in that it's my son. I also have two other children and a husband and a business to take care of.

My outlet is the gym. I go to classes with the same ladies every day. This helps me tremendously. You have to do something for yourself regularly to be able to keep giving.

I say a prayer for you.

Sorry to hear you are struggling so. And, my condolences in the loss of your daughter.

The YouTube series is fabulous. Yes, it may be a huge overload of information and emotion.

I am surprised your husband needs you to be nearby. taking your 4 year old to the park or for a walk should be doable. Have you discussed this with him or are you just assuming he needs you nearby.

We use cell phones to stay connected when my wife is out.

Has your hubby considered participating here? he could get some support and help with common symptoms and needs of PCS. He may be still struggling to understand his condition.

There are plenty of people here who have lots of work-around and accommodation skills that can make life a bit easier.

I hope to see him connect with us.

My best to you and your family.

I would agree that unless he has some strange symptom I haven't heard about (which is possible I guess) he shouldn't need you to be always there. Even at my worst when I couldn't do much at all my wife was out at work full time every weekday - she had to do almost all the cooking, cleaning etc because I couldn't really stand up for any useful length of time but she certainly didn't have to stay at home with me constantly.

You and your son deserve some time out of the house trying to do something enjoyable. And you'll be less use to your husbnd if you end up having some sort of nervous breakdown so it's better for him if you do things which reduce your stress levels too.

And try not to take the video and all the things you 'should' be doing as a criticism. It sounds to me like you are very caring and are doing a great job in very difficult circumstances .

It is VERY hard. When I got my concussion, my husband was already caring for his mother (living with us) who was dying of cancer. I had been mostly responsible for our six-year-old son. Then I got concussed, and suddenly it all landed on him. It was totally overwhelming for him, and I felt frustrated and helpless because I knew how much he needed my help and I just COULDN'T do the things I wanted to in order to help him.

Do, please, take care of yourself.

If he needs that level of attention, are there some friends that could come sit with him for short times so you could get away? I had a friend who would come most days and take me out for a walk. That was very helpful (got me out of the house, gave me some exercise, and gave my husband a break that he wasn't responsible for).

Caregiver support group sounds very good too. Maybe not even for TBI caregivers, just for caregivers in general. Check with your local hospital or even family practice?

You are doing a great job. It's so hard, especially when it sounds like you've had a lot of other stressful things going on even before the injury.

HopeGirl, have you seen this? http://www.braincenter.org/families-and-brain-injury

Thanks for the input. My husband doesn't need me nearby now, but he did months back when all of this first happened. Things are easier now, but we still have those times where we all get overwhelmed with the circumstances of our lives. Thanks for being my sounding board.

I'm currently looking for a part time job nearby our home so I can earn a little extra money and also get out of the house and see someone other than my husband & 4 yr old.

And MarkinIdaho, my husband actually is on here, he actually suggested I come on and interact with some folks because he has found it very useful in helping him deal with some of these things.

Thanks again ya'll. the prayers and words are much appreciated. Just had to vent.

It's ok to have to vent!