My parents are wanting me to go to my cousins' graduations this weekend. One is on Saturday and one is on Sunday. Here are my issues:

Both graduations are an hour and a half car ride. One is outside in the heat and the other is inside, in an auditorium with no air conditioning. (small town schools).

I know I can wear earplugs, but I have issues with the heat and traveling long distances still.

I feel pressured to go, and thus far my parents have been understanding with my PCS issues, but I can tell my mom is getting frustrated and thinks I am playing it up to get out of going to functions.

What should I do? I am trying not to overanalyze, and trying not to expect a relapse either, but I want to be realistic about where I am at in my recovery.


Forgot to add: my grandfather is going. He is 86 and very weak , and part of the issue is that"if he is going, why shouldn't I go?"
Anything anyone has to say would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

When I am trying to make decision like this for myself, I try to weigh the difficulty/relapse factors against the importance/rarity factors and also consider what other demands I will have on me in the near future.

For example, my sister got married this winter. I traveled a long distance by airplane with my son (just the two of us) and spent a week out of my normal routine, staying up late, in large groups at restaurants because it was a once in a lifetime event for someone who is very important to me. I wouldn't have done something comparable for a neighbor's birthday, for instance.

Also, because I knew that this event was coming and would be very important to me and to her, I did my best to clear my schedule of commitments for the weeks before and after so that if I did have a relapse, I wouldn't have other things to worry about.

Another example, last year I made an extra effort to go out to a restaurant to celebrate my husband's birthday. I didn't go out for other friends' birthdays or for regular "hey-lets-go-out-to-eat" events, but this was a special occasion that I wanted to honor. I knew it would set me back, so I planned for the next couple of days to be able to take it easy.

Since we don't know you or your family situation intimately, it's hard to say exactly how important these family members are to you or how important these events are. But those are the kind of things I think about when making decisions like that for myself.

Eowyn,
Thank you. I didn't even think of this. I wish I had had time to plan for the one; i just found out today. The other I found out on Monday. Our family is not too close, but my mom is very close to them so it is important to her that I am there.

You are right that these are important life events.

I appreciate your response!

Do you have time to recoup between and after?

Take some ear plugs and explain to your mother than you may just need to excuse yourself and find some place quiet.

A cameo appearance is worthwhile in most cases.

Take a pillow so you can sleep during the drive if possible.

Thank you for your responses! I am going to go; like Mark said. Just being there will be a good thing.

Just Judy: Your question reminded me: I forgot with this new job that I have, I get Monday off for Memorial Day, so I will have an extra day to rest.

You guys are great. It makes me feel like I have valid concerns. Thank you.

My two cents on attending events. It sounds like you are going and that you have figured out what you need to do to make it through the events. Terrific!

When I am invited somewhere, or asked to do something and I decline, I struggle with people being surprised that I am still recovering after four months. (I am not cleared to drive. I work half days and take a nap every day).

I am a teacher and a lot of parents say that to me. I talked about this with my doctor and she said to just say something like " Yes, I am still recovering. My doctor and I have a plan for a complete recovery and that includes fill in the blank. Thank you for your understanding"

Sometimes it helps to throw in the word doctor every now and then. Even to mom's. My mom asks me how I am. I tell her about my week. She just listens to me and then says "oh my. good luck with all that." Not helpful!

I like the idea of throwing in what the doctor said. It will help the skeptics
out there who are challenged with understanding exactly what is going on. I totally understand where you are coming from too as far as people you deal with asking the incredulous "you're still not better yet?"

I really applaud you being able to go back and teach, even if it is half days. My mom teaches, and I visited her 2nd grade class one day for maybe 20 minutes and thought my head was going to explode. So kudos to you!!!

Hi, it truely is hard to decide these things where we don't feel good. I think alot depends on how close you are to your cousins. Two in a row is hard to do, no question about that. If you are close to them, and value future relationships, I would tell you to go, and prepare afterwords to take it easy for while. Your 86 year old frail grandfather is making his own choice I am sure. You must make the same kind of decision. Base it on how close you are to the cousins, and your own real situation with TBI. You are the one walking in your shoes, you need to be the one who knows if you can handle it or not. Your other family members should not put pressure on you, but let you decide what is best. I really do wish you well in what ever your decision is. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. ginnie

SpaceCadet posted this link in another thread and I think it's relevant:

http://www.brainline.org/content/201...u-to-know.html