Nick,

In an older thread, you described how well you were doing. I warned against extremes of either direction, positive or negative. I'm not sure my words were taken so well at the time, but I stand by them. Now that the pendulum has swung to the other side, it might be more clear. I have been through everything you describe, and more. I have been in pain for over 36 years. I do not know if I will ever be better. But I am still here. My faith in God and the Ways of His universe is sometimes the only thing that keeps me going. Some day all this suffering will make sense, for all of us. It is up to you to find whatever keeps you in the game, waiting for that day. You can take a lot more than you think.

Take care
Kenjhee

Kenjhee,

Well, I guess you were right ...

I'm in the middle of a complete mental breakdown.

Thanks for the fair warning...and the kind words of encouragement.

I'm not really going to jump off a bridge, but I won't lie...Its crossed my mind.

Nick

I "shoot" myself every day. Don't feel bad.

I couldn't save my friend. Hoping to have a better track record here.

Nick,

I know people with early onset Alzheimer's Disease. You do not sound like they do. You do not have the symptoms they have. I have watched people progress through the deterioration of AD and you definitely are not deteriorating like AD.

I think you need to get out of the chaos of the city. You need to find a way to spend time where there are only nature sounds. Not at the lake and not with a bunch of people. Just with a few people and/or maybe a dog to keep you company..

Have you ever had any allergy testing done? It sounds far fetched but an allergist could help you rule it out. You may have developed a gluten allergy or any one of many other allergies that effect the brain.

The SSA people sound like they are messing up. SSI is based on simple disability and lack of financial resources. It does not need to to have a permanent disability. SSDI does. They are two different systems of benefits. Maybe you should check with an SSDI attorney. They do not charge for their consultation.

Take a breath and give it some time.

There is a story:

Two flies land on a frying pan that had been used to fry bologna. They both eat their fill of the scraps left behind. They struggle to take off so they climb up onto the handle that is sticking out over the edge of the stove.

The first fly jumps off and tries to fly while plummeting to the floor. Splat...

The second fly tries the same thing. Splat.....

Remember the moral of the story:

Don't fly of the handle when you are full of bologna.

My best to you.

I love all the wonderful advise. It truly does help. I can relate Nick. as you know I was just released from two weeks inpatient. I'm doing better. I too was having alot of ups and down. I got scared of myself. At times I think I'm doing better and a few bad days and I'm down in the dumps. I was told with the head injury I will suffer from "mood" problems for the rest of my life...great.

With that being said, I have to say it helped to know that even though moods aren't "normal" it can be with a post TBI. As long as I have a way to understand it then I can learn to accept it.

I dont know really what to say. I can relate, I feel your frustrations and I know all of us here all dream of being "normal" again.

Being normal again, I was told just isn't an option. Acceptance is. I was told to grieve the person I used to be and accept the person I am today.

Good luck my friend. You are all in my thoughts. I hope you have some better days coming up.

Thank you all for the wonderful advice.

Crystal, I'm glad you are doing better now...That is great news! I hope you continue to improve as the days/weeks/months pass.

Mark, that story was hilarious. Is it a true story? =P

And no, I haven't been tested for allergies. I have an appointment, June 4th, with Social Services to see about getting some insurance. I've had a nasty head cold for an entire week now. I'm sure that has been contributing to the way I've felt...and on top of that, I've had a sinus infection for God knows how long.

Hopefully once I get some insurance, I'll be able to see more doctors and find out the source of my problem.

Isn't there other neuro-degenerative diseases, besides AD?

Nick

I know how u feel I'm going through what going through I'm getting worse and now I have tho twitch in my neck and head every 20 min or so real shakey my hands I have all the symtomps you do, I suffered 2 concussions in 5 months I had 3-4 pervious concussions fom boxing and I feel horrible jut like you your not alone I have 4 kids and a wife and I don't know where I am going to get payments to live on after.

The school I was in has Insurance for accidents where I was hurt I wa taking hospital security officer training I got the job $44,000 a year to start now I have no income no sighs of recovery and I also have post tramadic syndrome from the death of my son when I was in the army. You can google his story "evander lee Daniels" so you not alone I just have to accept it and hope for the best.

I lived through a loss of a son etc this is almost as worst but I'm doing my best to get through it also. I too feel like jumping fom a bridge sometimes (jokingly) cause this is all one big mess but I got to be positive and at least I alive now and I have 4 beatiful kids to help raise even I I have demeansa or Parkinson's later in life I guess it's gods will cause nothing worst then when I lived through before but I know what you meen bud this is hell pure hell torture I too been to te emergency doZen times and I had 2 MRI's etc etc and no sighns of getting any better