Thanks Mark for that description, that totally makes sense!

Lightrail1, wow! I can't even imagine what you went through! Not remembering certainly IS a blessing for you.

My ER visit falls into the 2 hours after my fall, so I have almost no recollection of it other than bits and pieces. Like standing in the ER waiting room after I was told I could go home, wondering why I was there, how I got there and why I was wearing my riding boots in town. I was left "unattended" for a few moments upon leaving and almost re-registered myself by asking a nurse these questions.

I've had many falls off horses in my life and I have always remembered each and every one, the sensation of falling, the impact, I've always been able to play them back over and over. I've had to deal with fear and nerves upon returning to riding.

While its definitely a blessing that I don't remember this one, I think the replaying it over and over would not be good! But, I'm also not afraid or worried about riding again.

That combined with my new found impulsiveness, I'm finding it difficult to stay on the ground. The one thing so far that's helped, is I definitely need a new helmet and I tried some on a few weeks ago and they just felt all wrong on my head, so I didn't buy one.

Not having a new helmet is one of the only things that stops me... going helmet shopping is unpleasant, the noise, the lights, the 40 mins drive to the tack store, the fitting them on my head. (I'm sure its psychological, but they hurt when I put them on!)

Its like a constant struggle with myself. Reminding myself that I got here from a riding accident and that I'm not well enough to ride. Impulsiveness, poor judgement and bad memory... not a great combination to keep yourself safe.

What a weird journey this is!!
Starr

Starr,

Please try to consider whether a helmet is going to prevent another worse concussion. They prevent or reduce skull fractures but are not very effective at preventing concussions.

Maybe you can take less risks with your riding.

We'd hate to have someone sign on to NT and ask, " How can I help "Starr" make it through the day? She is not anything like the person she was before her recent fall. "

I have friends who had to give up riding and sell their horses after her last fall. She has recovered mostly but knows how close she came to a much worse outcome.

My best to you.

LOL! Yes, a weird journey indeed. Best to you on your continued recovery.

I like your comment on poor judgement; I keep reminding myself that I should have listened better to my mom when she would tell me "Make sure to look both ways before crossing the street".

I hit my head falling off of a horse too. But I was not wearing a helmet, as I was completely unaware of the risk I was taking. I fell off of the horse and I now have no memory of the half-hour before I fell and the 8 or so hours after I fell. There are a few short memories, but even more there are sensations that I remember. Such as being embarrassed because one of the guys I had been riding with was carrying me to the car. I do not remember him carrying me or why I needed to be carried, but I do remember the sensation of being extremely embarrassed and the sensation of being carried. About a year and a couple months later I went in for a CT scan because I had gotten another concussion and the sound that the CT scanner made was surprisingly familiar even though the only other time that I had had a CT scan in my life was just after my first concussion and to this day I have no memory of the hospital or anything that happened there.

The most frustrating thing to me is that I had been riding with only guys that day and none of them felt that remembering details was important. But it is the details that help me to remember little things. Such as when 2 years latter I found out that I had been carried to the car, the feeling of embarrassment made more sense to me, and a little piece of the puzzle fell into place. I have begged each one of them individually to give me details, and only every once in a while does one slip out of them. I am so hungry for the details.

About 10 hours of my life is missing and it still bothers me 3 years later. It is also frustrating/funny because almost that entire semester is also very fuzzy in my memory. I was a second semester freshman and I remember very little of that time. A friend of mine jokes that she can tell me that anything happened that semester and I have little choice but to believe her because I truly do not remember. I have had over 10 concussions since the first one and I have not lost any significant memory since then (that I know of :P) But, my memory is very poor and that is almost as frustrating.

Anyways, good luck! Wear helmets, but most especially
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DO NOT GET A SECOND CONCUSSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Margarite,
I'm sorry to hear your accident was horse related. Was riding a one time thing for you or had you ridden before?

I understand the "hunger" for details surrounding the incident. My husband has the most info, being as I fell right into the path of him and his horse, but even with that, there are things I'd like to know that no one in the group could answer. I'm trying to come to terms with realizing I will never know all I want to know. Tricky.

Lightrail, I'm glad you've kept your sense of humour.

My judgement before the accident was pretty good, but since... meh, not near as solid. We live rurally and it doesn't come up that I need to cross roads, but I know in parking lots etc, I have to remind myself to stay out of the way of cars and such.

Mark, I know helmets don't prevent concussions, but I figure they are still very worth while. I'm positive I would be way worse off or dead had I not had mine on. You can't fall from 9-10 feet, land with 200lbs+ right on the back / top of your head, at speed onto hard frozen ground without a helmet and walk away. (Walked away in a daze with no memories, but walked away!)

I get the suggestion of taking less risks and I appreciate the caring behind that. I'm just not sure if there is a less risk way to keep riding. I had already "retired" from breaking, training and competing and was just pleasure riding on safe, well trained horses.

The day I fell was really just a fluke. My horse did act up, but nothing that should've been an issue, I'm stuck much worse. But a bad combination of the horse's attitude, a branch that I ducked to miss and getting my foot hung up temporarily in my stirrup lead to me falling on my head. (I was wearing proper footwear etc).

I'm just trying to figure out if a life without riding is a life worth living. If you can't pursue your passion, it seems.. empty, like what's the point? That's the trouble with obsessions/hobbies/passions.

Starr

Starr,

Many of us have had to find new passions. We are not limited to one passion in our life.

Here is Idaho, we have a huge riding community. The horse to person ratio is one of the highest in the country.

I know there are some fabulous 'bullet proof' horses. They tend to be older horses that have long since lost their fears. The recent hay shortage caused many to be put up for sale or even given away. It was sad to see these families needing to sell their trusty steed.

Another opportunity is riding mules or even mammoth donkeys. They are much more able to tolerate startles. They tend to stop to think before they react. The donkey breeding of a mule creates a more thoughtful animal. Their stubbornness is more of a "I don't think this is a good idea" thought than blind stubbornness.

From what I have learned, horses are more prey/predator reactive.

I am looking forward to the day when I have the space and $ to feed and care for a mammoth donkey. There are some beautiful animals around here.

Have you ever seen mule races? We have a stable here that cloned a racing mule a few years ago.

The stories I hear of mules and donkeys protecting their owners or even other animals are great. A mountain lion attacked a dog that was along on a back country ride and the mule kicked and stomped the life out of the mountain lion.

We have mules days on Labor Day where they bend poles and barrel race, etc. with mules.

Maybe a bullet proof mule with break away stirrups can fill your passion.

btw, My daughter is CHA certified and wrangled at stables that catered to inexperienced summer camp riders where bullet proof was mandatory.

Thanks for the suggestions Mark. I've always wanted a mammoth donkey and hadn't considered that now (soon) might be the time. I always thought it would be my retirement mount... but maybe I'm just about there?

Trouble is, the only donkeys that are common around here are the minis and standards. Might have to bring one up from your neck of the woods, if they are more common there.

Things to consider. Thanks
Starr

It was my first time riding outside of an arena and the horse that I normally rode had to be highly encouraged to even walk let alone do anything dangerous. But I went riding for my first time out in the fields on a completely strange horse in the middle of spring and he has a funny gallop that I was not used to. I have not been riding since because I seem to be so accident prone that it is just not worth it.
I understand what you mean about it being difficult to give up. I have refused to give up skiing and dancing even though it would be easy to get another concussion doing either of these sports. Dancing raises my spirits like nothing else. I could be having the worse possible day, and the dancing could make me feel even worse physically it raises my spirits so much that it is worth it.
Good Luck!