[giselle459]

First off, I would like to thank everyone for their support in helping ME help my friend heal, who is dealing with PCS.

Lately, I notice that my friend has been feeling very bogged down by his symptoms. He often feels like he just wants to stay in. Yet, I know he is also tired of being alone, and WANTS to be social and go out -- though he knows he can't always handle it. He's 27, so I guess its hard knowing everyone is going out and doing things, yet he needs to recover.

I want to start bringing friends over to visit him.

This is kind of hard to externalize, but I guess i'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions about how I can make him feel re-connected to the world and our friends, without worsening how he feels. I've also been bouncing back and forth with this idea of visitors. Does anyone have any insight about friends helping someone with PCS to recover?

[tamisue]

You are a WONDERFUL friend with a lot of compassion.

Slowly! That's the best I can say. Try adding one more friend at a time. Remind friends not to all talk at once. Low lights, low stress, low decibels. No alcohol for a bit-just my suggestion-something healthy.

-of course, this would have worked for me, but everyone is different.

I wish you lots of luck!
Tami

[Eowyn]

One thing that was SUPER helpful for me when I was recovering was having a friend who would come over regularly and take me for a walk. It was just one friend, and we went for short easy walks. So it wasn't overwhelming, but it helped me socialize a bit, and it helped me get the light exercise I needed.

[wakey]

You are a great friend. Take it slow and ask what your friend is comfortable with.

[lattesrus]

You are a great friend. Does your friend need a ride to the store? Maybe just driving him somewhere like that would help him feel like he was out doing something--if the bright lights and commotion are not too much.

Maybe there is a quiet local coffeehouse? Movies and bars are not a good idea right now. I am really sensitive to noise, but last night I was able to go to a AAA baseball game at an outdoor stadium. I guess the noise had a place to escape. Walking is good. Puzzles are good--maybe cribbage.

I am sure it helps knowing that you are still his friend and you still want to do things with him. Have you asked him for ideas?

[giselle459]

Hi Lattesrus,


Thanks for your post! I have asked him for suggestions, but I'm also trying to be creative on my own part, too!

All of these little suggestions: telling everyone not to talk at once, low noise, low light -- are all very helpful.

Fortunately, I have taken a lot of initiative to learn about PCS. Yet, I can't say that our other friends will be as proactive. I often wonder how to make the initial contact and explain to our friends who may be unaware of what he is going through... and how to communicate that PCS is something that requires just as much care as anything else.

[Eowyn]

Maybe you could send or give them a copy of this article? It's a quick read and has a GREAT overview of common problems: http://www.brainline.org/content/201...u-to-know.html

[giselle459]

What a GREAT link! That helps more than you know!

[lattesrus]

Just wanted to add more thought on what a friend could do to help. I just remembered them. Are you noticing a common thread--that memory loss is prevelant?

I will tell you my experience, and it may or may not be the same for your friend. I struggle with people thinking I am well now, because the accident was five months ago. I look the same and sound the same MOST of the time.
However, tt does take longer to process new information or a lot of information at one time--like people talking to me when I am reading something, or my husband trying to talk to me when I am cooking dinner. People can't see inside my head to know that I am thinking and am unable to respond right away. They usually repeat what they said and then I have to start the thinking process all over again. I ask people to repeat things if needed. I have started saying " I need minute to think." It is very difficult for me to be consistent on this, but if I don't people think I did not hear them or am just being rude.

I also get words mixed up--like if I am looking at a table and I am talking about a chair, I will call the chair a table. A helpful thing for me is when people say--oh yeah, the chair, and just subtly help me out.

Last thing: it is tiring having to advocate for myself. So, if you can anticipate any problems ahead of time, and walk your friend through them, that is a big help. Like walking slower than you usually do, waiting longer for responses, helping your friend organize where his car keys, cell phone, papers etc. go. Maybe you could offer to pay the bills or read his mail to him. The thought of all that is overwhelming to me. It may look like a pile to you, but it is a mountain to me.

You are a great and patient friend.