[WillieG]

Wow, what a ride. I let an undiagnosed TBI go on for so long that I was starting to lose my sanity. The headaches were constant but I tolerated them and built up a resistance to the levels of pain I experienced. When noise and sight started going bonkers on me, I figured it was time to have something done. I had a great neurologist and neuro-surgeon work with me and diagnose the hydrocephalus and concluded a shunt after attempting a failed right ventricular-oscopy. Now, I'm fighting through the normality of the conditions and was wondering if anyone else is associated with the same process and if the roller-coaster ride will end and life normalize. A discussion is welcome...but I'm mainly attempting a therapy of putting pen to paper and see if I can pull myself together. My best to all here....my prayers are for all to get past the hump. New here...so this first time is exposing mixed feelings. Later,
Will

[Mark in Idaho]

WillieG,

Welcome to NeuroTalk. Sorry to hear of your hydrocephalus.

There is a lot of experience here with mTBI/concussion but not much with your specific condition.

The sound and light sensitivity issues are common here.

Please tell us how we can help.

We are here for you.

[rmschaver]

My information may be skechty at best but from what I have read mTBI is seriously under-diagnosed. There are very helpful people here. Check out the helpful links at the top of the Concussion and TBI Forum.

Lots of good links there. Hope you feel better soon.

[WillieG]

I appreciate the welcome and the way the correlation is expressed by other circumstances similar to my own. The amount confusion and level of helplessness I feel at times, make it difficult to express my feelings. I have a problem with addressing any weakness since I was brought up in an environment where it was common for the saying...suck it up and drive on, or rub some dirt on it and move on, was/is quite common. I went with it for as long as I could and it almost sent me over the edge. The significant brain damage caused by this mentality makes me feel like the record is skipping. The shunt and normalization of the brain due to re-pressuring and hopefully healing are all a part of the current process and I hope I'm on track. Be careful everyone, the MRI caused the valve to adjust and sent me through a whole new normalization process and it was quite difficult to get back to some flat plane of existence. Like I said....what a ride. I'll chat more later. Thanks for listening.
r,
Will

[WillieG]

All: It's all good. I don't/won't inpinge on other people too much. The screws keep loosening and I have to tighten them up daily. I wanted to just get it out of the system and try to gain some semblence of sanity back. Between noises, mood swings, lights, complex task comprehension and completing tasks in a safe sequence as well as trying not to want to "leave the game".

I'm noticing a complete lack of libido...not incapable, just not in the thought process.

Apathy...it isn't worth the energy...why do it.

Constant thought of 10 -100 +/- different topics, words, feelings, and tasks at the same time.

The whirl-wind feeling/sensation like I'm being shook by the shoulders and the sense will not leave unless I focus on a single task.

Unable to depart from that single task until it is resolved or my body senses so much pain from that one position that I have to get up.

The pauses to get started are extended to several miutes to possibly an hour or more.

It's just all so overpowering and costs so much energy to keep being willing to go on and continue the charade of being/acting normal.

It's tough.... ahh hell...I'm blabbering again....sorry to write so much. Good therapy...thanks for listening.

Later
W

[peacheysncream]

Hi W,

I am so sorry you are suffering. The "confusion and helplessness" that you feel must be awful.

When we have something we cannot change we have to learn a skill called acceptance. This is the ability to really know and believe that was is happening to you cannot be changed. To be satisfied.

However there are some things you could do to help some things you are suffering. To stop the overpowering feelings, the ones that run away and you are forced to follow them.

Ask your GP to refer you to a councilor. They listen. But a good councilor not only draws you out, but they help you to work out why you feel the way you do. Therefore you can resolve some issues that are making you feel helpless.

In the mean time practice recording your voice or writing down what you do each day, how it made you feel and the emotion that came with it. This will be good info to share with your councilor. Or a good strong friend who listens.

I don't have anyone who can listen. It is an art, a skill. So I have a councilor.
This site too is good. The actual ability you are developing by writing your thoughts on this site, is good for you, it's a detox. But you need help guiding these overwhelming emotions.
Most people have enough on their own plate, for some it's traumatic that they have to do the ironing, go to work on the bus, cook a meal. For others they have real trauma, like you.

But being understood is the hardest part. You need sympathy and a listening ear as a great chunk of your acceptance process.

I'm here, I will listen as I am sure everyone else on here will too.

[WillieG]

Thanks for the advice...I'm afraid the counselor would call to have me locked up or send him/her into a state of panic. This would be contrary to my beliefs and intent. Acceptance is the only thing I'm clinging to and have a self realization that this might be all for naught...which makes me fearful of my own thought processes. Vicious cycle indeed. I'll keep a stiff upper lip and tow the line. Sympathy is the last thing I'm looking for....just looking for a way to grasp the straws of sanity and keep it going for the loved ones in my life. Chatting with you is great but it might be keeping me on the topic too long. I'll talk more later.
r,
Will

[rmschaver]

Blabber all you want. Ask lots of questions. What I like best about NT is the sense of community and understanding. I was quite literally losing my mind over not being able to do what was once easy.

[WillieG]

Originally Posted by rmschaver

Blabber all you want. Ask lots of questions. What I like best about NT is the sense of community and understanding. I was quite literally losing my mind over not being able to do what was once easy.

Thanks rmschaver...I'll do just that. I agree with you and hope to become a productive/helpful member like all of you kind people are. I finally managed to get the Neurosurgeon, Pain Management Specialist, Primary Care Manager, and Neurologist all on the same page. We'll work our way through all this together one way or another. The Cymbalta, Percocet, and the new medication....("Pep Pill" I'll call it...starts with an A or M) are keeping me on track. The sunrise on this great Friday morning was an awesome site and tipped the scales to start a great cloudy rainy day in OK. The crimson light display of a rising sun obscured by a thin cloud layer and having the rain come down in the drought rudden land of Oklahoma was indeed a welcomed sight. Have a great weekend all and my best to you.
r,
Will

[peacheysncream]

Hey Will,
Wondering how things are for you today.

You said you don't need sympathy but it's different to pity. Sympathy is the ability to place oneself in someone else's shoes, to take the time to really think what it must be like to be you, which is exactly what we all do here.

I hope appreciation for the small things (sunset) is still keeping you going. Hey your a few days on from last week, further on in your journey.

Don't worry about others right now, take all the help and advice you can. There's no rush. As my grandad says "more patience in life, less patients in hospital.
xx