My name's Alex. I've never talked about this out loud to anyone, not really. But I suffered a concussion a while back from a fall. I went to see a lot of doctors but none of them seemed to be able to fix me, and here I am, still dealing with the aftermath of what they say doesn't exist...

In 2009 I fell off a fire escape at a hotel I was working at and hit the concrete, headfirst. That's about all I can honestly tell you, cause that's all I can honestly remember. I lost the majority of my memory, but it wasn't initial. I remember flashes of being in a hospital, and flashes of being in my room, having the all-too familiar symptoms that comes with a concussion.

It was close to a few weeks after they tell me I went into a little bit of a coma. And, when I woke up, I didn't know who people were, places were, or who I was. Didn't recognize myself in the mirror and all. This is ultimately where my memory starts.

I had to relearn so many things. People, (that I still don't get right half the time) places, things, and it still hasn't all really stuck with me.

Went to so many specialists, from 'ear-nose-and throat' to 'brain' to 'physical therapy'. Went to 'chiropractor', 'headache center', 'neurologist'. Had numerous tests done that I can't honestly list for you, but there were a lot of them and the majority were in Birmingham at some brain place.

Nobody could ultimately find anything wrong, except that I had a 'learning disability' when I did a few tests that focused in on aptitude or something like that, putting blocks into holes and things.

It was then that I decided doctors wern't gonna be able to do nothing for me. I decided that if I wanted to get better, I would have to figure up a way to do it on my own. I knew the levels of pain I could indure, I knew my own limits by that point, and I figured that I would do a better job at fixing myself because of those reasons, so I did.

I adopted a few different things to help get me through it, and a few different ways to deal with the symptoms.

I said, if I get my body in as good condition as I could, my mind would sort of follow suit, and it did in a way. I did a lot of research on how athletes work through theirs to get back on the field.

Now, I wasn't in terrible shape. As far as what my family has told me, I was a bit of an athlete myself. Always playing football, or any sports really. Chopping firewood, throwing hay, farmwork...etc...

I began practicing meditation techniques that I found in martial arts. Began balancing on one foot atop stumps. The matrial arts meditation practices helped immensly with my heart rate, and my ability to focus myself entirely on one thing at a time, and the balancing on the stump mixed with that helped me learn to control the dizziness.

Ultimately, it's the focusing that aided me in 'controlling' my headaches, to the degree that I can. There's still a lot that gets the best of me, the nausea is the worst thing, but I can function at least halfway decent now that I can work through the headaches, but it's really no picnic. If I lose focus even in the slightest, they come rushing in full force. Which they do all they time, because I have the headaches on a daily basis.

Some of the long-lasting effects that I haven't been able to get a handle on are the memory loss, the level of ability to store memory, and the problem-solving and functioning of my mind as I try to work through things. Like, figuring out each day how to tie my shoes (which is a downhill struggle I promise you) or knots, or holding a pencil or fork, flipping an egg or pancake, or drawing or writing.

The memory aspect of my life, it hasn't come back to me. But, I can almost deal with the fact that I can't store certain things as of now, and I can almost deal with the struggling to do these simple things that are second nature to most people...the one thing that I can't deal with is not knowing who I am.

I don't know my favorite color, or what my favorite color was. I don't know who my friends used to be, cause apparantly I don't have any now, not really. I eel as though I'm stuck at the fall, or somewhere near the fall.

I fell in August 2009, I was 19. It's now 2012, on the brink or 2013, I'm 22 going on 23, but I don't feel like it. I don't feel 22, I don't feel 19 or anywhere in between. This is hurting me emotionally everyday and I can't seem to get past it.

Like I said, I've only said this one time to one person since it happened. A lot of people know about it, but I've never openly said it. I don't know why I'm saying it now. I guess I'm just tired of everyone pretending like they know what I'm going through when they don't. I guess I'm just tired of being alone and am desperatly looking for someone who unserstands.

That's all I've got to say about that I guess.