louann,

Here is another link for you to check out.

http://ddsn.sc.gov/consumers/divisions/Pages/HASCI.aspx

Was your son argumentative before his injury? Sometimes, a behavior that pre-existed a brain injury becomes magnified by the injury.

The Dept of Mental Health may have some ideas. It sounds like he needs a lock-down mental health facility. At his and your age, he should not be your burden except you being a visitor and maybe legal guardian. By mental health standards, he is gravely disabled and unable to provide for his won care. That justifies a mental health commitment.

http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/cmhc.htm

Here is another link for Adult Protective Services. It may be more appropriate than Dept of Mental Health

https://dss.sc.gov/content/customers...aps/index.aspx

I know how hard it is to consider having him committed to an institution but you are too old to carry this burden. It will wear down on your health and then he will have nobody. If he can be placed in a care facility, at least you can have an influence on his care and visit him. I have watched my mother and my mother-in-law care for husbands with damaged minds (dementia). It is an exhausting job. It can take a decade or more off your life expectancy.

Has anybody started a Social Security Disability Income application for him? He would likely qualify for expedited approval. There are attorneys who specialize in getting SSDI applications approved. They are in the yellow pages under Attorneys/Social Security or Disability.

My best to you.

Thanks I have been to the BECKMAN MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC which is on the site you recommended and they said they deal mostly with mentally retarded people not head injuries. I have gotten him on medicaid and ssi.

He was not argumentative with me before the accident, I don't know how he was around his friends. He did have a alcohol and drug problem. It is so heart breaking when once in awhile you see a glimpse of the of the person he used to be. Or he sometimes says he ain't no good for nothing that his arms and legs don't work like they used to or his head feels like he is going crazy. I think he really needs another evaluation and to make sure the medicine he is on is right or the right dose.

I read where people on here say they can tell when they are getting angry and can walk away, but he changes from minute to minute. If don't hear what he says or when you don't know what he is asking he cusses. It just seems like you can not do anything right and it is not just me he gets angry with everyone. I am just wondering if this things are normal with tbi. Hopefully if I get a person from the long term care system to work with me they will be able to help me get the right help he needs.

luann,

Have you tried to reach the Adult Protective Services people?

You may need to use a bit of leverage. A question such as "What would happen if I dropped him off at the hospital and left?" may get the message to click in their minds. South Carolina does have a system for helping out. They just need a bit of incentive.

btw, His behaviors are very likely directly caused by his brain injury.

My best to you.

That has been suggested but it is so hard to think about. Also when I had to take him to the emergency room once I asked that question. The social worker said she would have to turn me in to DSS for abandonment. I have found out since then that there are no grounds to be charged for that if I am not his guardian or have power of attorney. I was wondering if anyone has had these severe symptoms and come through it.

I did have long term service tell me today they may be able to help with some adult day care several days a week. That will give me some relief until other arrangements can be made. I just worry about them not keeping him with the way he gets angry and cusses everyone out all the time. That is still a few weeks off if they do help. Thanks to all of you for your suggestions and listening it helps a lot.

Hopefully he is recovered from his alcohol and drug use. Alcohol or other drugs will exacerbate his negative behaviors and inhibit his recovery.

http://www.msktc.org/tbi/factsheets/...c-Brain-Injury

http://www.tbicommunity.org/resource...Spring2008.pdf

Hopefully with the Medicaid and the fact that he is getting ssi allows him access to the treatment he needs. Mark is spot on when he states that at 71 the rest of your life shouldn’t be consumed by being his full time caregiver.

These are good sites, thanks. I hope when his memory comes back some he will not go back to it. He does mentions it once in awhile. Right now he is not able to go out by him self. I am hoping with medicaid and ssi I can get him some more help.

In my experience with people I have known with similar situations, Medicaid social workers will try to dump as much as possible on anybody willing to be a caregiver. I suggested Adult Protective Services because they are tasked with protecting you and your son. The verbal abuse is a legal reason for them to take his care off your hands.

Luann,

I understand your struggle to to put him in some kind of care facility. But, you did your duty 50 years ago. His abuse of alcohol and drugs have likely made any real recovery to a stable behavior very unlikely. He may need the incentive to take part in his own recovery to get allowed out of the facility. It appears he is not active in his own recovery. I bet his rehab was cut short because he refused to get with the program.

To help you understand, most spouses in this situation divorce the misbehaving person. The divorce rate with TBI victims exceeds 85% and many are not abusive. You need the same amount of separation. You will be able to visit him and return to a settled household.

I was at our Brain Injury Support Group last night. The caregivers meet privately to support each other. The struggles they have just dealing with the cognitive problems is a big strain. The behavioral issues push many caregivers into deteriorating health and very few are even close to your age.

The alternative is for him to end up locked up behind bars for a criminal act. That criminal act may be against you.

In my experience, as he ages, his behaviors will just get worse. He will eventually need to be in care elsewhere. The sooner he finds a place and learns to fit in, the better he will do. As he ages, he will be less able to learn behaviors to be a responsible patient/client. The important issue is they will know how to deal with his behaviors.

Was he ever in the military? VA may have some options that can help if he was.

Please, consider the need to take care of yourself first. Without your health, he will not have any support. I watched the toll my father's decline into dementia took on my mother. My father got argumentative and loud and it was very difficult to even witness how she was verbally abused. Fortunately, he deteriorated to a point where he was not aware of conflict for the last year or so. Her and our last memories were of a gentler person.

Please, take care of yourself.

My best to you.

Thanks for your advice I may get in touch with them. I am not sure he can cooperate with or take part in his own recovery, as he does not not remember things from one minute to the next. When I leave the room and say I am going to the kitchen to fix supper he will hollow for me and ask where am I and what am I doing. If He calls someone's name and I tell him they are not here it won't be long before he will call them again. If he calls me a MF b---h he says I did not call you that then turn right around and say you are a F lie you M--F b---h.. Then he can be real sweet. It is like he has no short term memory. That is why I am not sure he can help with any rehabilitation. Then again I wonder if he would do better with someone else. I just don't want him thrown in a bed somewhere doped up and forgot about. It is so hard to think about, like at four in the morning and he wakes up and sometimes he thinks he is in a hole and sometimes talking to people and hollowing at them. I can get up and talk to him and cover him up and say I love you he will say I love you to Mama and he will go back to sleep and sometimes not. But no one in another place will be there to try and comfort him. Some times he seems to be really afraid or scared.

I understand I have to do something because my nerves are shot even though I know all the things he says may be from the injuries. It is just listening to it all day long that gets to you.

Again thanks for the advice. It helps to talk to someone who understands. I am glad you have had some success with your recovery.

Hie rehab was cut short because he had no insurance. I have since learned if I had refused to bring him home they would have had to find a place for him. But at the time I did not realize what I was getting into.