[kaji]

I was recently in a car accident. I was in a dark, unlit part of town at 2am and I have no idea what happened...I think I may actually have lost consciousness for a few seconds, and once I came to I hit the vehicle that was stopped in front of me. It's the only explanation I can come up with. I don't remember anything...it's as if that time has disappeared. I don't remember it, but my head hit the windshield and put a good crack in it (I could deduce this by the placement of the crack, the fact that it came from the inside, and my mirror was knocked completely to the side consistent with how my head would have projected forward). I am pretty positive I was knocked unconscious from the blow.

I was taken to the hospital, they did a CT scan and it was negative, and I was sent home within 2.5 hours of when I was admitted. They didn't check for a concussion or anything, which I think would be a standard procedure considering the contusions on my head. The Doctor mentioned that "oh one of your pupils is bigger than the other"....well that can actually be a sign of a concussion.

Since the accident, I've had constant headaches all the time. The first night I actually vomited. I've noticed a major mood change. I'm depressed all the time. I'm not as mentally sharp as I was, and I was incredibly sharp before. I think about killing myself all the time and can't stop thinking how I should've just gone through the windshield (I was wearing a seat belt) and died because I'm worthless anyways. When I talk sometimes the words come out wrong and I mix two words together separately. Thinking or concentrating on things just makes my head hurt even more. I already suffered from consistent vertigo/dizziness/migraines from time to time, possibly because of an eye strain, but this is so much worse.

I just have no hope. And before the accident I was so hopeful. Now I just want to die.

I'm thinking about going to a different hospital and getting checked out, because the one I went to was terrible from the accident. It's been a week and a half and I feel like the symptoms aren't improving at all. It scares the living hell out of me.